blackout02 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 So today I broke up with my first love. Hands down the hardest thing I've done. I'm having a lot of doubts of whether or not I did the right thing or jumped the gun and was unfair to her. We were together for 1 year and lived together for about 5 months, she got pregnant and I moved her in. But she lost the baby. So we've been through a lot. And losing my first child was very hard. What I loved about her. She was caring, very affectionate, she cooked and cleaned for me. She did anything for me. We could stay home all day and just laugh and have fun. She accepted every part of me and she loved me. As I loved her. Here are the reason's I broke it off. I'm a 28 college grad working on my career. I work full time and in the process of going back to school and buying a home. So even though I'm not exactly where I want to be in life, I'm working on it. Her on the other hand. 23 with a kid. Didn't finish high school, has no job and no car. She wakes up at 11 everyday and doesn't do much. Cleans a bit and cooks once a day. And for months I've told I would help her with her GED, get her license to drive. But she didn't or attempt to do anything. So I felt like she was holding me back a bit. I'm not at a point in my life where I can take care of her and her child financially. I moved her in when she was pregnant but money was super tight. But I loved everything else about her... I'm pretty sure I did the right thing... but part of me wishes I could have waited for her to do something or pushed her to get her life together. But its not my resposibility. Or is it? I just need to vent and writing it down here really helps. Hope to get some feedback. Thanks
Qboro90 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 You did the right thing. Just know that for starters. From everything you said it sounds like this girl has no aspirations or motivation to do anything with her life. It's not your responsibility to take care of her and her kid at all. The people you surround yourself with and date will most definitely impact and effect your life and behavior so by dating her I'm sure you're becoming a bit lazier and less driven. With your goals you need someone whose going to push and motivate you. Not someone who's going to be a drag. I always liked to date girls who challenged me and had goals. That's attractive to me. The most beautiful girl in the world wouldn't be as appealing to me if she wasn't at least trying to go to school or find a job/career. 2
Meli22 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I'm so sorry about the loss of your baby, that must have been so hard. It's hard for anyone to say whether you did the right thing apart from you. It sounds like you were unhappy in a situation and did what was best for you. It's difficult when feelings are involved though, things are never black and white. You're bound to feel some regret and doubt but it's been no time at all. Take some time away to figure things out for yourself. You never know, this could motivate her to change and get her act together. If not then there'll be somewhere out there who is on the same page as you oh and it definitely isn't your responsibility to motivate her to be more ambitious. That's just how some people are.
seasickpeeve Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 It could be that she became dependant on you and it may not have been making her entirely happy either. It's easy to fall into habits and become lazy when you know there is someone ready to support you. Did you ever talk and ask if that was the lifestyle she wanted or whether she felt she had fallen into a rut? This might be a wake up call for her to find motivation or she may end up staying in her rut. Time will show you this I guess. I don't think putting the focus back on yourself is wrong or a mistake though
mightycpa Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 The ambitious among us rarely do well when paired up with the unambitious. I'll be you'd have thought differently if she had done something productive, even if it didn't bring in money right away, like learning to play an instrument, or sculpting or pursuing some passion. Amirite? Something to give you the sense that she isn't an anchor?
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