prpqmnj Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Within the timeframe of a year I've been able to learn who I am, become a better person from the break up that occurred last year. Mentally and physically I've become sharper / stronger and I love it -- I thank the person that broke up with me for allowing me to become better than I ever have. With that being said, I've really no interest in dating, it seems no one has caught my eye or made me excited, for a while I thought I was, but it was something that I created to MAKE myself excited -- and I hated that. Like the person I dated before, I was ALWAYS looking forward to seeing them, or hoping to run into them, or to hear from them. Like I looked forward to the weekend because I knew I was going to see them -- and these days, I just tend to keep to myself. Often I wonder what's up with me, I know that it's not that I have feelings for my ex, as those have been constricted, but just rather in a really grey area at this moment in my life.
Amalyn Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 (edited) Within the timeframe of a year I've been able to learn who I am, become a better person from the break up that occurred last year. Mentally and physically I've become sharper / stronger and I love it -- I thank the person that broke up with me for allowing me to become better than I ever have. With that being said, I've really no interest in dating, it seems no one has caught my eye or made me excited, for a while I thought I was, but it was something that I created to MAKE myself excited -- and I hated that. Like the person I dated before, I was ALWAYS looking forward to seeing them, or hoping to run into them, or to hear from them. Like I looked forward to the weekend because I knew I was going to see them -- and these days, I just tend to keep to myself. Often I wonder what's up with me, I know that it's not that I have feelings for my ex, as those have been constricted, but just rather in a really grey area at this moment in my life. Do you know how relieved I am read this? I felt the same way for so long! Just recently in the last couple months I have developed feelings for someone and while I'm not sure what may become of it (if anything at all), I'm just glad I feel like I can actually move on. I've been single for almost 2 years (casually dated people here and there but nothing serious) and thought I'd never get excited about anyone. Give yourself time. It will happen. Edited July 22, 2015 by Amalyn
scooby-philly Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Within the timeframe of a year I've been able to learn who I am, become a better person from the break up that occurred last year. Mentally and physically I've become sharper / stronger and I love it -- I thank the person that broke up with me for allowing me to become better than I ever have. I applaud you being able to focus on yourself. Many people say that after a breakup, especially if it hit them hard for one reason or another. That said, keep in mind that there's always work to be done. I say that not to put you down - you may have made wonderful, lasting changes. Just remember that each new person, new relationship may cause you to reevaluate your perspectives and also bring out new things you didn't know were there. I thought when my ex and I broke up two years ago that I'd be lonely. It was tough and I did spiral a bit, but I also found the courage to move on and do things I always wanted to do. I thought I had changed but a new relationship this time last year, which I just ended recently, brought out a lot of the same issues, which only makes me realize now that I repeated a lot of the same mistakes I made in the previous relationship and that included being with someone who really didn't value me and love me again - nor did I truly love who she was and what she brought to the table. With that being said, I've really no interest in dating, it seems no one has caught my eye or made me excited, for a while I thought I was, but it was something that I created to MAKE myself excited -- and I hated that. That may be a good thing. It sounds like you've grown into your values and accepted that while you can change and compromise to build a life, you'll only build it if your core/foundation is used. Like the person I dated before, I was ALWAYS looking forward to seeing them, or hoping to run into them, or to hear from them. Like I looked forward to the weekend because I knew I was going to see them -- and these days, I just tend to keep to myself. Again- kudos! Time away from each other - particularly if both people work is a good thing. I just read a good article someone shared with me on a thread I created to help me deal with my recent break up that talked about ritual - and that struck me. Especially the part about just setting aside 2-3 minutes a day to talk without the TV, computer, or phone. There's so much going on in our lives today that many people can lose touch with their needs and forget to have open, honest communication. That sounds like you had a good thing before, so hopefully now you can find something even better Often I wonder what's up with me, I know that it's not that I have feelings for my ex, as those have been constricted, but just rather in a really grey area at this moment in my life. I'm not a trained therapist. But I wholeheartedly believe that because of mass media and our cultural values we've glossed over what a real relationship is about. Nothing is ever perfect. People will fight and argue. People will disappoint each other, but it's a mutual agreement to go through life together, to share our innerselves with someone else, and to share our lives with them as well. So most of life is really a grey area, things aren't always clear and that's okay. You can only try your best. It does sound like you're in a good spot - although it may feel like limbo - it only feels that way. As long as you stick to your plans and try to make certain things happen something will happen.
dragonfire13 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I felt like I could have written this post. Don't know how much advice I can offer, but I find it always helps knowing this is a relatable situation. I found out my ex was seeing someone new recently...I would have thought that would spur me on to be a bit more active about dating...but nope. I actually felt sorry for them, embarking on a relationship. Not just because my ex was a douche, but because I just view relationships as a lot of work for something that is likely to result in failure. I'm hoping this cynical view passes soon. For now, I'm still making the effort to meet new people - I feel like no area of your life should be completely neglected. While this meeting-new-people is more an emphasis on having an active social life, I think being more sociable is likely to increase my odds of meeting someone new, in a "safe" setting. If not, I've made new friends and I'm not feeling lonely as Ive made new connections with people.
gaius Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 It can take a long time sometimes. And that's not really that abnormal.
sportygirl89 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Try being single for 2 years! I think it is fear of some sort. Now what fear that is I am unsure of.
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