Unsureslp Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 My husband and I are in a split living situation right now. He lives in a different state for work and is miserable without us. I am enjoying our time apart and I don't even miss him. I don't look forward to his trips back home. This probably sounds horrible. Is this one of the signs that I don't feel anything for him? I honestly don't think I love him. I thought maybe love would grow over the years, but it hasn't. Is there any point in trying to save my marriage? How do you reignite something that was maybe never even there? 1
Friskyone4u Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 You state you do not love him . But mention nothing about whether any of that has to do with a other man being involved so I will assume you are not already cheating on him. If you are , it is not unusual for women involved in affairs to lose their attraction and love for their husbands . So let still assume you are not cheating If you think you want to really see if you can save your marriage you should try either IC or MC. You may not want to and if that is the case just be honest and get divorced . That is a lot more honorable than disrespecting him just because you do not love him 3
hromo Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 What's changed for you? What has made it so the love is gone. marriage takes work and love is a choice. There was something that made you fall in love so what's changed. my ex who was cheating on me, used that not in love caviet a lot . honestly is the best policy as the truth always comes out. If cheating and another man is not involved then l would question why giving up. why not counseling 2
Arieswoman Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Unsuresip, Is there any point in trying to save my marriage? No. If you don't love this man then tell him and set him free to be with someone who does. 4
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 You're room-mates. Not a couple. Leave him. It will hurt him, but hopefully, if you do it amicably, without resorting to rancour, anger, resentment, finger-pointing and spouse-bashing - it shouldn't be too bad. Big word.... "If"..... 2
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Did you ever love him? If you think you can work to get back to the good place when you married, I'd give it a shot. If things weren't great then, what's there to save? 4
angelcake Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 If you are sure you have checked out, don't prolong the inevitable any longer. But, be prepared for the trauma of divorce and all it brings with it. It's a horrible thing to go through and if you have children, it can be a never ending battle if both parties don't agree on parenting issues. 2
starglider Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 How old are you and how long have you been married? In midlife years sometime unfinished issues from your own childhood can come up and this may make you question your M and your feelings for your H. Are there any things that have come up with your parents, your career, how you want to spend your future, what makes up your sense of self? If so, this is so much more about you and who you are than it is about your H or your M. 2
Author Unsureslp Posted July 23, 2015 Author Posted July 23, 2015 Thank you everyone for your replies! I have one child. I'm 31 and have been married since I was 18. I was really young and I don't even think I knew who I was at the time or what I wanted. I don't think I loved him from the start, as strange as that sounds. Just went with the flow and now here i am, over a decade later possibly wasted. I haven't cheated and wouldn't turn to another man unless I am divorced. It would go against my morals. But I've daydreamed about what it would be like to be with a man that I truly love. You're all right in that this is not fair to him. Divorce scares me and what follows it. I'll hear "I told you so" from my parents. I'm afraid of what it would be like to be sole provider for my household. At the same time, when I think of myself being free from him, I feel some sense of relief. And I don't want to waste any more time than I already have. 1
Friskyone4u Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Ok . You know what you want and don't want . You should be congratulated for not lowering yourself into the cesspool of cheating. That puts you in the decent person category big time . But eventually you are going to weaken if your feeling do not change . Unfortunately , divorce is not a happy time and there are hardships and consequences . Unavoidable!!! If you are honest to your husband you will feel better about yourself . And forget about what your family will say. They do not have to live your life . 2
Satu Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 If you don't love him, you're not really married in the truest sense. You are married on paper and you live together, but that's not a real marriage. Divorce is your best option, but you should talk with a lawyer first.
beach Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Do you work or have a solid way to support yourself if you divorce? I can't see staying married when you state you really don't love him... 1
Author Unsureslp Posted July 23, 2015 Author Posted July 23, 2015 I'm not currently working. I do have graduate degree and a professional license, so finding employment shouldn't be extremely difficult. However my earning potential is about half of his, maybe even a little less than that. So if I leave, lifestyle adjustments will have to be made.
chew123 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Unsureslp, I wanted to commend you on realizing the situation and acting accordingly. It sounds like you truly do not love your husband anymore and it may be time for divorce. Expect him to take it very hard since I suspect he has no idea. But if you are sure that is the way you feel in the end it will be best for him also. And the fact that you are not moving on for another man will make it easier on him. I do think some sort of counseling would be helpful though, not necessarily to save the marriage, but maybe some sort of exit counseling.
central Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I don't see any point in staying married under the circumstances. Make it as clean a break as you can, and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. If it's the right decision, their opinion won't change the correctness of your decision.
toon Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 Unsureslp. I totally understand as I am in the exact situation apart from the fact I am a man! I married my wife 15 years ago because she was pregnant. Although I did love her I was not in love with her. I thought that this would change but it never did. I just don't think our personalities match. We have been seeing a marriage counsellor but you can't rekindle what was never there in the first place, I am going out of guilt. I have just started seeing a psychologist as the guilt is eating me away from inside. I do not want to hurt my wife and our son and so far the guilt has stopped me from leaving. I know what I have to do I just don't know how to do it. I know that I have not helped you in my post, but I think sometimes seeing other people in the same situation can help you think clearer. To be honest, I seem to spend half my time thinking about leaving and the other half trying to convince myself to stay. I know this is not fair on her or I so I hope that the psychologist can help. I hope you find away to be happy unsureslp. 1
Recommended Posts