thecharade Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I get it. But, this is my first relationship since D/separation. And it's hard. He clearly has life long issues. (He has alluded to ex-gfs having same complaints about selfishness.) I don't see him changing at 50, and he is quite self-centered. Lots of ick. But, he seems to feel pretty bad and pretty lost regarding his dysfunction. Is that my Coda talking? Or should his total relationship confusion even matter to me? He loves me. (He loves him with me? Lol.) He wants to be a great guy. But am I too old for this crap? (I am 49.) Or do I stay and redirect the guy that may be ready to finally get it? I just don't know. There is a lot that's good, and there's a lot that's not. I feel like a 16 year-old posting this. Divorce sucks. Thanks. 1
scooby-philly Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I get it. But, this is my first relationship since D/separation. And it's hard. He clearly has life long issues. (He has alluded to ex-gfs having same complaints about selfishness.) I don't see him changing at 50, and he is quite self-centered. Lots of ick. But, he seems to feel pretty bad and pretty lost regarding his dysfunction. Is that my Coda talking? Or should his total relationship confusion even matter to me? He loves me. (He loves him with me? Lol.) He wants to be a great guy. But am I too old for this crap? (I am 49.) Or do I stay and redirect the guy that may be ready to finally get it? I just don't know. There is a lot that's good, and there's a lot that's not. I feel like a 16 year-old posting this. Divorce sucks. Thanks. You're never too old to make mistakes. You're also never too old to learn or to change. In this case though, and you posted little about the relationship and nothing about yourself other than 49 & divorced - you're right. You can't change him. And most people, in truth, don't want to wait for change. Are you afraid of ending up alone? If you are - then back away and you'll see that you'll find someone else. Get a new hobby or put more time into an existing one or resurrect an old one. If you don't feel like you are lonely - ask and feel - what do you get out of this, does that mesh with your needs. No one is perfect. But at 49 you are seasoned enough to know whether or not this will work out, even if you haven't dated in a long time. Follow your gut. Don't be a nice guy just to have someone. If he's a catch, decide if you can deal with his stuff as he's got to deal with yours. If he's not a catch part friendly and with a smile 1
Gaeta Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I get it. But, this is my first relationship since D/separation. And it's hard. He clearly has life long issues. (He has alluded to ex-gfs having same complaints about selfishness.) I don't see him changing at 50, and he is quite self-centered. Lots of ick. But, he seems to feel pretty bad and pretty lost regarding his dysfunction. Is that my Coda talking? Or should his total relationship confusion even matter to me? He loves me. (He loves him with me? Lol.) He wants to be a great guy. But am I too old for this crap? (I am 49.) Or do I stay and redirect the guy that may be ready to finally get it? Men don't change especially at 50. After my divorce my ex remarried. Her and I became friends. Many times she called me with desperation because of things he did to her. Everything he was doing to her at 50 he had done to me at 30. I just don't know. There is a lot that's good, and there's a lot that's not. I feel like a 16 year-old posting this. The bad cancels out the good, if you look at it that way then you'll see there is not much left to be happy about and your super woman efforts aren't worth it. Divorce sucks. Not at all, I had a party when my divorce certificate came in lol. I felt like the world was at my feet and I could finally make my life everything I wanted it to be! 1
elaine567 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 He clearly has life long issues. (He has alluded to ex-gfs having same complaints about selfishness.He is quite self-centered.He is 50.Lots of ick. 5. #6 YOU are also having sex issues too with him, this "mechanical used-and-abused" sex till you are sore and disconnected from him doesn't sound at all fun to me, even despite the fact he makes sure you are satisfied first. If I had lots of exes saying I was selfish, then I would have tried to sort it out before now, NOT "I see what you are saying. Everyone else said the same about me." So whether he can truly change? It doesn't sound like it, but never say never. 1
smackie9 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 If you find yourself posting here, then you know you should be ending it. 1
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