avacado Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Everything is great, we're in love and I'd gladly spend the rest of my life with her. She's smart, beautiful, we have a great time together, and she cares deeply about me. Except for a few fundamental issues: She is from another country and wants to move back. I love where I live and do not think I could start over elsewhere, especially in a completely alien country. Professionally, socially, and lifestyle-wise, I've never been doing better where I'm at, and I'd have to give it all up if I left with her, which would happen within a year. She is not certain that she wants kids. She's only 26 and could easily decide later that she wants kids, but I'd be a lot older by then (I'm 31 now). And what if one day I'm 40 and she decides she never wants kids? I guess I haven't really decided for sure that I want to end it. Or, I know in my gut that I should, and I'm just stalling. Every day, there's this low-level haze of despair, feeling like I'm trapped. If I break it off, I'll be all alone again, after two years of being with this wonderful person. And I might regret it - an exotic life in the developing world with this great partner, and who knows, maybe a family with her some day. I'm about to go over there right now and eat a delicious meal and pretend, for another night. I really don't want to lose her. Damn.
StalwartMind Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 For both your and her sake, you should try to come to come to a conclusion. I understand your concerns, and if you do want kids, you should decide sooner rather than later. There can be events that will push her in either direction, none of us will know, not even you. It's not like you can't have a great life without children, but I understand it's a natural call for many to have. Overall I do feel like you owe it to both yourself and her, to not delay a heartbreak or misery too much. I'm fairly indifferent to both having children and where I live, but I also know this is a big issue to many, especially if you are really thriving at moment, minus the relationship and your concerns. By all means don't rush into a decision, but consider things heavily. I'm a few years older than you, but I've been well aware of what I want from life since a young age, so I won't even have to face such a "dilemma" myself. Hope you feel you know yourself well enough to make the right decision. Life is all about choices and accepting the outcome of each, living in regret will do you no good, so go for what you feel is the most "right" for you, even if it ends up hurting someone else. She is still young too, you both are, and there are people who don't find their way in life until a much later age.
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Why is your country so much better than hers? Why does she want to move back to her country? Does her sisters & other family members have kids?
Qboro90 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 You have to sit down and tell her these things. Ask her what her feelings/thoughts are on what's going to happen to you and her/the relationship once she leaves the country. Has she thought about it at all? Tell her it's something that's been on your mind more and more lately and because of the reasons you listed you cannot see yourself uprooting your life to move. Express that you are madly in love with her but starting to think this is a situation where there isn't a lack of love or any problems between you but long term together you just met at the wrong point/stage in your life. Kids are important to you, you want to be a dad. You're not asking her to decide now but you also can't continue dating her knowing it's not something she wants. If she's going to leave and you'll never be able to see/date her again then what's the point of dating for the next year? That will only make it more difficult to part. The upside to breaking up now is that you're giving her the chance to see how much she misses/needs you in her life while there is still time to decide not to leave. Once she leaves she's not coming back.
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Before you just dump her, talk to her. Explain that you want her to stay with you & that you want kids. Discuss your vision of the future looks like & talk about whether than can be reconciled with her hopes & dreams. Bottom line: work together.
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