Author IronZ Posted July 24, 2015 Author Posted July 24, 2015 OP - I would stop replying to some on here as it seems to feed it. Some people can sit and argue on here for days and seem to thrive off picking at every character flaw that may come across in a post. In regards to your original post, I too would be annoyed if someone faded-out and then remerged with some patronising text. Perhaps they don't like that you didn't put up more of a fight and need to get that attention/ego boost again. Regardless, I would just let the situation be. Responding or initiating contact will just be a waste of time. If things turned complicated after just ONE date, you're best off letting the situation go. Take it as a compliment that she felt the need to reach out, try to recognise any good intentions behind it and just move on. Thank you! Someone finally understands. I see some posts on here acting as if they personally read what this girl texted me. They act like she was such a kind person to me for doing me the favor of spitting in my face. I don't get that. I guess you're right, people on here can sit and argue over anything just for the sake of arguing. I thought this place was supposed to be about supporting each other. I am taking your advice and moving on. I just wanted to come here and get my feelings out. Apparently I can't even do that. Thanks for actually sticking up for me though.
katiegrl Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 (edited) In regards to your original post, I too would be annoyed if someone faded-out and then remerged with some patronising text. I would be annoyed too...and I presume would many other people...I think what many posters disagree with is the way the OP handled that annoyance...by lashing back at her. Most posters, including myself, believe it's best to take the high road and not reduce yourself to her low level by sending an equally patronizing text back to her. That only shows that she "got to you," (so to speak) which is an ego boost for her. Had you simply ignored it... THAT would have sent her the message that you are apathetic about and don't give a f*ck, which is the better message IMO. Edited July 24, 2015 by katiegrl 2
hudson701 Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 'Lol' or 'gay' or a picture of an emoji cat would have been best. None of this butt hurt stuff. Or the line I've used to terrific effect which always ALWAYS gets a response is "aahhhhhh, I seeeee, your one of them types", gets that hamster spinning on its wheel. Get over to CH and check how to deal with this sort of flakiness in future without coming off as disappointed.
katiegrl Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 (edited) 'Lol' or 'gay' or a picture of an emoji cat would have been best. None of this butt hurt stuff. Or the line I've used to terrific effect which always ALWAYS gets a response is "aahhhhhh, I seeeee, your one of them types", gets that hamster spinning on its wheel. Get over to CH and check how to deal with this sort of flakiness in future without coming off as disappointed. Nah, just ignore. You want to annoy HER? And send the message you don't give a shyt? Just ignore. Ignoring is the biggest insult out there. Trust me she will be thinking of you and wondering why you are ignoring WAY more than anything else you send, including some little quip you think is cute or funny and gives you the "upper hand." It won't. Just the opposite. ANYTHING you send tells her she "got to you," which gives HER the upper hand.... and again is a huge ego boost for her. Which is the just the opposite of what you intended to happen. Edited July 24, 2015 by katiegrl 2
kendahke Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 You know how hard it is to get so caught up in something and then have it blow up in your face because of one person who apparently never intended it to go anywhere? And then this person does several things to hurt you morally and emotionally and then they put you down? Yet here you guys are trashing me for defending myself against people who pull this kind of stuff. Unbelievable. Thanks for making me feel even more like crap. The one place I can come to and feel safe enough to share my feelings and I'm getting attacked. You sound like you were waaaaaaaaaaaaay too over-invested in this girl you really didn't know well enough. How could one date end up hurting you morally? Your morals shouldn't even be in question, especially when it comes to a date. The best defense for you here was to just be indifferent. You were throwing haymakers with your response. You're not being attacked. You're receiving some really valuable insight as to how not make it so obvious that you're butt hurt over her not panning out to be the romance of your life. Sometimes, it happens like that; and when it does, just go for indifference: "Ok, thank you for telling me. No, I dont' think friendship is in the cards for me. Take care". That's all that needed being said, not erecting a huge billboard saying "OMG! You so hurt me and I'm going to make you pay!!!!" That's the main reason why people ghost--they don't want to deal with the protracted "why don't you like me????" 2
Mrin Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Yes, next time ignore. Or send this: "LOL. Sarah [or whatever her name is] - I wondered where you went. No worries. Good luck!"
katiegrl Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Yes, next time ignore. Or send this: "LOL. Sarah [or whatever her name is] - I wondered where you went. No worries. Good luck!" Hmmmm.... she could very well see right through that....and think you are only trying to "save face" by pretending you don't care, acting like it's no big deal. I am serious, when you ignore someone, it's shows total apathy and indifference.... there is NO question about it. OP, just think about how YOU feel when YOU are ignored. Your mind goes crazy wondering what the hell? What is she thinking? Does she not care? Did she get the message? You feel rejected, demoralized, INSULTED. When a chick plays games with you, THAT is how you want HER to feel. So just ignore...it's the best. 1
RoseVille Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 I don't see why anyone should want to hurt someone they went on one date with. ONE DATE. Ignoring her might be the best response, but not because you want to hurt the other person, but because you just can't be bothered to respond. Intention is everything. You don't want to carry around a soul that aims to hurt people. 1
katiegrl Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 (edited) I don't see why anyone should want to hurt someone they went on one date with. ONE DATE. Ignoring her might be the best response, but not because you want to hurt the other person, but because you just can't be bothered to respond. Intention is everything. You don't want to carry around a soul that aims to hurt people. This is true. And in an idea world, we all would feel that way. However IMO, when someone has hurt/humiliated you, it's human nature to want them to feel at least a little bit of the humiliation they caused you to feel. At least initially. I mean that is why he lashed out in the first place, and why most people lash back when someone has hurt them. So ignoring serves two purposes. The first it shows you can't be bothered (indifference, apathy), and two, it'll annoy the hell outta her and "get to" her, the way she annoyed and "got to" you. Double whammy....except not by being mean and vicious and lashing back...it's through apathy and indifference. The message is subtle but it's definitely there. You no longer give a crap. I DO agree though that in THIS case the OP was too invested...it was only one date. Nevertheless, he is still entitled to his feelings no matter how over the top they seemed to others. And so I won't fault him for wanting her to feel a little humiliated, the way she humiliated him....again it's human nature IMO, at least when the wound is fresh. Just don't reduce yourself to her level by lashing back. Or pretending you don't give a shyt by implying you were about to end it with her or sending some snarky remark you think is cute. She will see right through that. Ignore ignore ignore....that's my motto. Gets to them every time. Edited July 25, 2015 by katiegrl
Author IronZ Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 'Lol' or 'gay' or a picture of an emoji cat would have been best. None of this butt hurt stuff. Or the line I've used to terrific effect which always ALWAYS gets a response is "aahhhhhh, I seeeee, your one of them types", gets that hamster spinning on its wheel. Get over to CH and check how to deal with this sort of flakiness in future without coming off as disappointed. lol I like your "one of them types" line I must say. Please elaborate on the flakiness thing though. What's your strategy there?
Author IronZ Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 This is true. And in an idea world, we all would feel that way. However IMO, when someone has hurt/humiliated you, it's human nature to want them to feel at least a little bit of the humiliation they caused you to feel. At least initially. I mean that is why he lashed out in the first place, and why most people lash back when someone has hurt them. So ignoring serves two purposes. The first it shows you can't be bothered (indifference, apathy), and two, it'll annoy the hell outta her and "get to" her, the way she annoyed and "got to" you. Double whammy....except not by being mean and vicious and lashing back...it's through apathy and indifference. The message is subtle but it's definitely there. You no longer give a crap. I DO agree though that in THIS case the OP was too invested...it was only one date. Nevertheless, he is still entitled to his feelings no matter how over the top they seemed to others. And so I won't fault him for wanting her to feel a little humiliated, the way she humiliated him....again it's human nature IMO, at least when the wound is fresh. Just don't reduce yourself to her level by lashing back. Or pretending you don't give a shyt by implying you were about to end it with her or sending some snarky remark you think is cute. She will see right through that. Ignore ignore ignore....that's my motto. Gets to them every time. You're starting to get how I felt there. Humiliated and like she kicked me while I was down. The ignoring part is one thing. I understand it's a total lack of care for another human being you were just cozying up to. I understand that she was being a huge jerk by disappearing like that. But when all I'm reaching out for is to hear back from her, to hear something, anything.. and she comes back with THAT..... that hurts. Many here are saying how she was being nice to me by letting me know. Not at all. Deep down I knew this was it the moment she disappeared on me. Her doing what she did was really rotten of her. Of course I'm going to throw something she wouldn't like back at her. And I don't feel sorry for one minute about it. Judge me if you want, I really don't care.
joseb Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 You're starting to get how I felt there. Humiliated and like she kicked me while I was down. The ignoring part is one thing. I understand it's a total lack of care for another human being you were just cozying up to. I understand that she was being a huge jerk by disappearing like that. But when all I'm reaching out for is to hear back from her, to hear something, anything.. and she comes back with THAT..... that hurts. Many here are saying how she was being nice to me by letting me know. Not at all. Deep down I knew this was it the moment she disappeared on me. Her doing what she did was really rotten of her. Of course I'm going to throw something she wouldn't like back at her. And I don't feel sorry for one minute about it. Judge me if you want, I really don't care. Ironz, I think you need to think about why so are so emotionally invested in this person after one date. If you keep doing that, it is a recipe to get hurt and upset. A lot. As I say, unless I see her message I can't be sure, but to me it sounds very much like the run of the mill situation where one person isn't that into another one. I've probably had this happen to me more times than you have had warm breakfasts. If I got this upset every time, then I would be a very bitter old man by now. When someone cheats on you after 10 years, for several months, that's a reason to be angry. When someone you think you know turns out to have a completely different side they hide from you after a year, that's a reason to be upset. When someone blows up your phone for two weeks with 100s of messages to f**k off and telling you they wish you are going to die simply because you feel the relationship has run it's course, then you might feel that they are being unreasonable. All these things happened to me, and yes I was upset my them. But if someone I had one or two dates with flakes, I'm about as worried as if my coffee is served a few degrees too cold. 4
kendahke Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 You're starting to get how I felt there. Humiliated and like she kicked me while I was down. The ignoring part is one thing. I understand it's a total lack of care for another human being you were just cozying up to. I understand that she was being a huge jerk by disappearing like that. But when all I'm reaching out for is to hear back from her, to hear something, anything.. and she comes back with THAT..... that hurts. All this illustrates how desperate you are to date and that could be why she backed off after one date. That's too much over-investing over someone you don't know. You've pinned a lot of projection and expectation on her when your interaction with her didn't have the legs to go this distance this soon. 1
Amalyn Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 Meh. One date? On to the NEXT! There are way too many women out there to stress over this one particular woman. Trust me.
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