Smalls0411 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Hi everyone, I'm new here & just looking for honest opinions on my situation from others who are playing the lovely (sarcasm) dating game. I met my guy on a dating website, we texted/spoke on the phone for about 2 weeks, I wasn't sure he was my type or if I was interested. After the few weeks I stopped talking to him because I was interested. A few weeks later he was still on my mind & I ended up reaching out to him & we began talking again. This went on for about a month month before meeting 2 weeks ago. He's a 38 year old single father, I'm 30 never married with no kids. We were pretty much already in an emotional relationship prior to meeting & we agreed the 1st date was more of a formality we just wanted out of the way. After our 1st date he asked if I wanted to meet his son that weekend. I expressed that I did but I thought it was too soon. We had a 2nd date last Monday I completely turned the corner & knew I wanted to be with him. After the date I told him so & that I'd meet his son that weekend. He was thrilled & asked if we were officially in a relationship. I said "I don't know" because I didn't want to be the one to make that decision. Two days later he seemed distant & I called him out on it. He sited stress,etc. I should've let it go but I pushed. Eventually I apologized for pushing him & we agreed to have dinner the next night. Things were good, slightly strained we talked more & he expressed that he now had hesitation about being in a relationship like I had previously & he didn't know why. Over the weekend he completely withdrew from me. This is no exaggeration this guy would text me all day everyday, call me on my lunch & before bed. He'd tell me he was headed to the gym, at the gym, leaving the gym, home from the gym. He was always asking how I was. I didn't see him or meet his son over the weekend. He will reply to my texts in a timely manner but doesn't initiate. Sunday we did not talk at all, something we've never done. I don't know what to do at this point or what I did wrong. I've asked him what was wrong but he won't address it. I want to get back to where we were at. This week is the 1 year anniversary of my mom passing away unexpectedly so my behavior might be slightly off or clingy for the past few weeks because I've been anxious about dealing with it. Many people have suggested I tell him this. I don't know whether to express this to him or not. I don't want to appear desperate by continuing to initiate all communication but at the same time I'm not wiling to let it go. I appreciate your time & honest response!
PogoStick Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I know you've been chatting but that's different than dating and spending time together. I don't feel you have a healthy relationship to begin with. Offering to meet the child after 1 date is far too soon. Texting about every action they make in a day is way too much. I suggest either establishing healthier boundaries with him, or realizing something is not right with him in the first place and move on. 1
Qboro90 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 A simple "hey don't wanna come off as pushy or rude but what's the deal? Thought we had plans last weekend with your son and you never followed through on it.. Can either text or calling might be better to gauge his feelings better..."If you decided it was too soon I totally understand that but couldn't you and I have gotten together? Just feels like you've become more distant since we last saw each other. If you want to slow down or had a change of heart it's ok to tell me, I'm a big girl."
scooby-philly Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I know you've been chatting but that's different than dating and spending time together. I don't feel you have a healthy relationship to begin with. Offering to meet the child after 1 date is far too soon. Texting about every action they make in a day is way too much. I suggest either establishing healthier boundaries with him, or realizing something is not right with him in the first place and move on. I agree. You both probably are using the time to avoid other things. I normally wouldn't call crap on people - but this time I will. You don't meet someone's son 1 date in. Even if you worked with the guy for 5-10 years if you didn't meet him before you go a while before roping family in. The swing from way too much communication to no it's extreme. As bad as I was in my previous two relationships I never went so far as to text at the start and end of every activity. Give each other time to miss each other. Sorry but I agree - this started off with a lot of issues so backing away is probably a good idea for you both
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