NC worked, she texted me, but now i may have ruined my chances!

[SwedishJohn10]

My ex broke up with me about 5 to 6 weeks ago after a 4 year relationship. I fought for her when she did it but when she was persistent about it i decided to back off as i was only pushing her more away. After about 3 weeks of NC she texts me asking if she can come by to pick up her stuff which i told her wasn't a good idea and i would just give it to her sister so she could pick it up from there (her sister comes near where i live all the time). I figured seeing her would only make it more painful for me.

 

Anyways after that she begins to text me every few days, always about something she needs or if i have this or that, but honestly they seemed like excuses to just talk to me. She also at one point asked if we could be friends but i told her it would be too painful for me but maybe in the future we could. I had my mind set on expecting the worst and hoping the best, so if she was still wanting to be broken up, being friends would only make things worse for me. Every time we would talk it would be her initiating the conversation and i would try to keep my responses simple and to the point as per the NC rule. But then cut to last friday she texted me "hey". I waited plenty hours before texting her back "sup".

 

She texts me asking how i am and i reply with just "doin alright." She instantly replies to that text saying how she had gotten into a car crash a few days ago because her friend was drunk driving. She told me how it reminded her she wasnt invincible and for me to be careful. I asked if she and her friend were alright and told her it was a stupid move and that she was too old to be doing stuff like that. I told her to go to the hospital to get checked up just in case, but she said it doesnt really hurt anymore. At this point in texting, me and my cousin were going out to this bar so i didnt have time to reply on the way to the bar.

 

But about 30 minutes later she texts me "how are you though". I didnt know how to reply to this as i know she was asking what am i doing with my life and so on. I remember reading somewhere that the NC rule involves not letting your ex know what is going on in my life but then on the other hand this was an opportunity to tell her all the improvements ive been making in my life. So after thinking of how to respond for about 30 min she sends another text saying how she thinks she just saw one of our old middle school teachers. At this point there were too many messages to just reply with a simple response and i had wanted to just enjoy my night rather than anxiously think and wait by my phone.

 

THEN about an hour or 2 later, at like 2:30 am she texts me just saying my name as in to get my attention so i can reply. Now at this point i didnt answer bc i was drunk and i didnt want to say anything drunk and stupid i may regret. So the rest of the night i dont reply and the next morning i tell her that i was out the night before and that i couldnt talk. She said it was fine and hoped i had a fun night. After that i had asked her what she meant by asking me how i was doing bc it was the 2nd time she had asked me that night. I assumed she would then tell me she meant what i have been doing with my life and at that point i can tell her all my improvements, but to my surprise she replies with just "oh my bad".

 

And at this point i got a little weak and got nervous that the convo would end and i told her "its cool" and then after no reply i asked her "if she still had my suitcase at her house". She replied by saying she hasnt been home, shes been living with her friend because shes about to move in with her, which i already knew. Anyways, after this i freaked out a bit because the convo didnt seem as attached as the day before and i thought maybe i was putting too much in the convo and so i backed off. The next day she texts me if i got paid yet (bc there was a bill of hers i used and told her id pay her back for it).

 

She replied short and to the point and again i got weak and missed talking to her so i wanted to continue the convo by asking her when her sister is coming to get her stuff. And she told me she wasnt sure and that her sister was in Canada at the moment. I didnt reply because i realized i was ruining NC by continuing conversation. Finally cut to yesterday when she texted me early in the morning asking if i had a book of hers. I didnt reply for a few hours and replied "yep." and she said "ok thanks".

 

Now I figured that her texting me that friday the whole night was her missing me. I loved that she did that but am worried that maybe i didnt reward that type of behavior and maybe what she got out of that was the more she texts me the more i back off. Which is why i am going NC again in hopes that she realizes if she doesnt text me then we wouldnt be talking at all. I just want her to fight for me and tell me she misses me.

 

I was always strong the last few weeks but after that friday night of her texting me seeming so attached, she has been the opposite and been cold and formal. Im worried that maybe since i didnt reply that night it told her it was a bad idea and maybe she regrets it, or worse, that maybe that got her to think "it wasnt meant to be". Ive been missing her like crazy and have resorted to pulling NC again in hopes that it will bring her back.

 

I am planning on not texting her again until she texts me but for some reason that seems harder than ever before.

 

Assuming i want her back, do you guys think thats a good idea? Did i make a mistake by not replying to her that night? Also, should i try to find another opportunity to let her know how much i have been improving in my life because im worried that by not telling her shes thinking i am avoiding it because maybe i havent done much improvement.

 

I have so many back and forth emotions but i feel if i let that out to her it will only push her away. Since its been about 6 weeks since the breakup im worried that im almost in a now or never situation.

Edited August 14, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[mightycpa]

 

1. i told her...
   
2. i told her ...
   
3. Every time we would talk ...
   
4. I waited plenty hours before texting her back ...
   
5. i reply ...
   
6. I asked ...
   
7. I told her ...
   
8. i tell her ...
   
9. i had asked her...
   
10. i told her
    
11. I didnt reply because i realized i was ruining NC by continuing conversation.
    
12. I didnt reply for a few hours and replied "yep."
    

 

Now I figured that her texting me that friday the whole night was her missing me. I loved that she did that but am worried that maybe i didnt reward that type of behavior and maybe what she got out of that was the more she texts me the more i back off. Which is why i am going NC again in hopes that she realizes if she doesnt text me then we wouldnt be talking at all. I just want her to fight for me and tell me she misses me. I was always strong the last few weeks but after that friday night of her texting me seeming so attached, she has been the opposite and been cold and formal. Im worried that maybe since i didnt reply that night it told her it was a bad idea and maybe she regrets it, or worse, that maybe that got her to think "it wasnt meant to be". Ive been missing her like crazy and have resorted to pulling NC again in hopes that it will bring her back. I am planning on not texting her again until she texts me but for some reason that seems harder than ever before.

 

Assuming i want her back, do you guys think thats a good idea? Did i make a mistake by not replying to her that night? Also, should i try to find another opportunity to let her know how much i have been improving in my life because im worried that by not telling her shes thinking i am avoiding it because maybe i havent done much improvement.

 

I have so many back and forth emotions but i feel if i let that out to her it will only push her away. Since its been about 6 weeks since the breakup im worried that im almost in a now or never situation.

My friend, I've got news for you. You haven't gone NC yet. You're like a texting machine with her.

 

NC means no contact, no convo, no texts, no emails, no excuses.

 

By the way, you're already into the never situation. She might miss you, but she sure as heck doesn't want you back. I know you don't want to believe it, but your experience shows the classic signs of a little bird eating breadcrumbs. You're the bird, her texts are the breadcrumbs.

 

Do yourself a favor. Take her stuff and drop it off at her front door, run back to your bike or car or whatever, leave and never look back.

[Gus Grimly]

My friend, I've got news for you. You haven't gone NC yet. You're like a texting machine with her.

 

NC means no contact, no convo, no texts, no emails, no excuses.

I mean seriously? You're abusing the spirit of what No Contact stands for. It's not some mechanic designed to play phone games with your EX. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, but that's not what NC should be utilized for.

 

It's about healing, growth and moving on. It's about trying to make a fresh start and living free from the pain your BU has caused you.

[SwedishJohn10]

My friend, I've got news for you. You haven't gone NC yet. You're like a texting machine with her.

 

NC means no contact, no convo, no texts, no emails, no excuses.

 

By the way, you're already into the never situation. She might miss you, but she sure as heck doesn't want you back. I know you don't want to believe it, but your experience shows the classic signs of a little bird eating breadcrumbs. You're the bird, her texts are the breadcrumbs.

 

Do yourself a favor. Take her stuff and drop it off at her front door, run back to your bike or car or whatever, leave and never look back.

 

The NC rule allows you to reply to questions that are important or serious and ignore the ones that arent. Every time she texted me was for the bill or to get stuff from my place or that she got in a crash, all which are serious. Maybe i could have ignored the original "hey" message but that one ended up being about the crash. The last time i talked to her was yesterday. Do you think maybe im all anxious because shes coming back into my life?

 

What makes you think im at the never situation? Because of her signs or the time its been since the breakup? The NC rule still works if you start it weeks later so what if i started now again?

[ZiggyZoo]

No. No no no. I don't know what this "NC Rule" is, but I have a sneaking suspicion you got it from a "Get Your Ex Back in 30 Days!" site. That isn't what we mean here by NC. NC is to get over an ex, to take time away from the pain of contact with your ex to help heal. Not to manipulate them into somehow realizing that they DO want to be with you after all. And anyway, I call BS on you only answering the important texts, anyway. Really dude, she had urgent, NC-busting issues at 2:30 AM?

 

I'm with mightycpa, I think she's over it. The thing is, if someone wants to be with you, they'll be with you. What your ex is doing now is just slowly distancing herself from the relationship, using you as an emotional crutch until she doesn't need to be in contact anymore. It happens all the time, look around these forums. If she wanted to re-start things, she would just say so.

 

My advice? Honestly, pay her back, send her things to her and go NC for real.

[Gus Grimly]

Every time she texted me was for the bill or to get stuff from my place or that she got in a crash, all which are serious.

 

Bill's can be forwarded, things can be put in a box and picked up by a friend or relative or even sent via mail, bad news is unfortunate but you should have had her number blocked by this point.

 

Just as mightycpa pointed out, you've allowed her to drop breadcrumbs and every time she does, you come running. You can't justify breaking NC because the conversation ended conveniently with a car accident story.

 

If you want her back that's your prerogative, but as you probably already know, most of the feedback you'll receive on LS will be for strict NC.

[Satu]

*The NC rule allows you to reply to questions that are important or serious and ignore the ones that aren't. Every time she texted me was for the bill or to get stuff from my place or that she got in a crash, all which are serious. Maybe i could have ignored the original "hey" message but that one ended up being about the crash. The last time i talked to her was yesterday. Do you think maybe im all anxious because shes coming back into my life?

 

What makes you think im at the never situation? Because of her signs or the time its been since the breakup? The NC rule still works if you start it weeks later so **what if i started now again?

 

*No it doesn't. No contact means NO CONTACT.

 

**You can't restart something that was never started...

 

 

*No direct contact in either direction.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

No contact is not a must, its an option.

 

Do it, or don't do it, as you see fit.

[aloneinaz]

Let me help the OP with a visual..

 

 

Right now OP, you're a little puppy, begging, needing any attention you can get from this person who dumped you. She throws a snack (text) your way and you run over to it with you tail wagging.. You're also her door mat my friend. Again, she dumped you. You don't owe her $hit, not a reply nor anything else.

 

 

Sorry if I'm being harsh my man but, damn... If you were a buddy of mine I'd smack some sense into you

 

 

Listen, MOST folks who get dumped exchange everything that day or the next day at the latest. They want a CLEAN break from the person. If you owed her $, you'd give that to her the same day as well.

 

 

You then go NC and vanish from their lives. She kicked you to the curb and said "I'm ok with you going out and screwing new girls why I go out and screw new guys".. People who love you would NEVER kick them to the curb..

 

 

NC is exactly that.. NC! No spying on social media (cause she's blocked on everything, right?), no asking friends how she's doing, etc.. It for you to heal and have separation from the relationship.

 

 

Hope you get better soon my friend.

[Mrin]

I'm not going to go into the whole NC thing here because the posters above did an admirable job covering that. But to answer your question, you did have an opening on Friday night. I'm not sure how big of an opening it was but it was there. She was lonely. Home on a Friday. Probably sad and having a weak moment. But like I said, who knows how big of an opening that was. She could have just wanted her ego stroked. It is for the best that you didn't stroke it or stroke it much.

[TaraMaiden2]

As the co-writer of the (later-date) No Contact Guide, I completely concur with the others that you, my friend, are about as far removed from being No Contact as anyone could be.

 

At the rate you're going, you might as well be living in her clutch purse.

 

No Contact is not a manipulative tool designed to get your ex back. So for a start, we need to review your thread title ("NC worked...." er....no....) and then you need to face the fact that you clearly have the whole wrong idea about the NC Guide.

 

There is already a link in Mrin's post (signature). Honestly?

Really, do yourself a great favour and read, re-read, and read again, and again, what the actual Guide outlines for you.....

 

I'm sorry you got the wrong idea of the NC Guide - but the true path to healing, starts here.......

[Loverlover88888]

I initiated no contact with a man I'm dating on May 19 and he called me exactly one month later on June 19. So I'm not sure if he was doing no

Contact or that was a fluke. During the 30 days I almost called once after the two week mark, just missed him so much. No contact definitely renews a relationship and can pull two people closer together for sure. It also gives both parties a chance to date and see that your ex wasn't that bad! I believe in it, I started missing him immensely after two weeks and on.

[TaraMaiden2]

I initiated no contact with a man I'm dating on May 19 and he called me exactly one month later on June 19. So I'm not sure if he was doing no

Contact or that was a fluke. During the 30 days I almost called once after the two week mark, just missed him so much. No contact definitely renews a relationship and can pull two people closer together for sure.

Great. But that's not its purpose, you realise that, ok?

NC is a tool designed to help those broken-hearted dumpees rebuild their life. It's not a manipulative strategy designed to make the other person act in a certain way.

 

It also gives both parties a chance to date and see that your ex wasn't that bad! I believe in it, I started missing him immensely after two weeks and on.

Then you 'believe in it' for all the wrong reasons.

Read up on it.

[gwenn]

:-)There are actually people that have broke up, had some time apart , change for the better, and falling back in love again stronger than ever. Sometimes what is needed is some positive changes from both parties. Because love doesn't come with instructions and its okay if they moved the wrong direction in the past. What really matters is the future. NC will heal us mentally and also heal us mentally. If you feel like both of you are meant to be, fight for it! At least for the last time. If you really have had positive changes in your life and your own metallity, your ex will feel it, she will feel like you had become a better you, and you don't have to worry if you will end pushing her away, you won't end up showing her traits that you want her back, you won't have to avoid replying her msgs. You should take this opportunity to show her your positive changes. Search about Active No Contact if you want to know more. good luck! Love is worth fighting for is we're doing it right!

[Satu]

When you 'fight' for love, who are you fighting?

[aloneinaz]

:-)There are actually people that have broke up, had some time apart , change for the better, and falling back in love again stronger than ever. Sometimes what is needed is some positive changes from both parties. Because love doesn't come with instructions and its okay if they moved the wrong direction in the past. What really matters is the future. NC will heal us mentally and also heal us mentally. If you feel like both of you are meant to be, fight for it! At least for the last time. If you really have had positive changes in your life and your own metallity, your ex will feel it, she will feel like you had become a better you, and you don't have to worry if you will end pushing her away, you won't end up showing her traits that you want her back, you won't have to avoid replying her msgs. You should take this opportunity to show her your positive changes. Search about Active No Contact if you want to know more. good luck! Love is worth fighting for is we're doing it right!

 

 

 

The only success stories I've heard of when couples try a second time is after YEARS have gone by. After that amount of time has past, then yes, people can change, grow up, mature and recognize mistakes they've made in their past in R/S's.

 

 

Getting back together after a month or months isn't enough time for people to change. If there were core incompatibility issues, then it doesn't matter how much time has past anyway because it won't work out when they try a reconciliation.

 

 

I'm certainly guilty of giving a relationship a second or more try. Why? Because I was lazy or dating at the time was not good, etc.. I'm a strong believer in people trying again with failed partners is not driven by love or any other movie like, romanticism. It's people not investing enough time in trying to meet someone new, so they "settle" back to their last ex.

[Loverlover88888]

No contact can be used for whatever you feel like using it for. What's wrong with missing your ex that's a good thing!!! If you want to go no contact to get over someone good! Nothing out here is a rule. I wanted to go no contact for myself to see if I missed him and if he was worth fighting for and it worked out for me.

[TaraMaiden2]

No contact can be used for whatever you feel like using it for.

 

Sure you can. But it won't work half as well, if you're using it for different reasons to its 'raison d'être'.... It's like using a screwdriver to loosen a nut....

 

 

What's wrong with missing your ex that's a good thing!!!

Not always so. Try telling someone who's curled up on the floor of their shower, sobbing uncontrollably because they've been dumped unceremoniously, that 'missing their ex is a good thing....

 

If you want to go no contact to get over someone good! Nothing out here is a rule.

Well, actually, the NC Guide is Full of rules....

 

I wanted to go no contact for myself to see if I missed him and if he was worth fighting for and it worked out for me.

and.....?

[Loverlover88888]

And...we are together again. If someone is curled up etc. they should definitely move on for sure and not look back because it doesn't sound like it was good but if you believe you had a good relationship no contact can work to bring you back together. I'm saying you can use it for whatever you want to.

[Learningtowalkagain]

The only success stories I've heard of when couples try a second time is after YEARS have gone by. After that amount of time has past, then yes, people can change, grow up, mature and recognize mistakes they've made in their past in R/S's.

 

 

Getting back together after a month or months isn't enough time for people to change. If there were core incompatibility issues, then it doesn't matter how much time has past anyway because it won't work out when they try a reconciliation.

 

 

I'm certainly guilty of giving a relationship a second or more try. Why? Because I was lazy or dating at the time was not good, etc.. I'm a strong believer in people trying again with failed partners is not driven by love or any other movie like, romanticism. It's people not investing enough time in trying to meet someone new, so they "settle" back to their last ex.

 

This is so true. I've gotten back with 2 ex's after a month or a few months apart and within a month or two we were broken up again. I tried it this past October. We broke up, I went strict NC. Her ego was hurt. She drunk text'd me one night. Got back together in December, broke up again in January.

 

And for the OP you don't need anymore lectures regarding NC because it's been thoroughly covered. So take it from someone who's recently gone NC and is now at the acceptance mark after 1 1/2 months. It works. You just have to be strong.

[Satu]

If you 'just don't get on,'which is usually the case when people break up, a period of NC isn't going to change that.

 

If won't fix a basic incompatibility, and it won't erase a painful memory.

 

The 'get your ex back with NC' idea has an almost superstitious thinking style behind it.

 

What's next - lighting pink candles under the new moon?