Blueribbon Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 So yesterday I had the most horrible painful conversation with the guy I love . The story is like this IM SORRY IS TOO LONG . previously here on loveshack I asked about an open relationship and after many replies I decided to face the situation and ask the guy I was seeing about our status . His response was that he wanted to try and that after knowing me for long time is was stupid not to try . At that moment I thought that we were going to be working on a relationship. I was happy and I had all my energy to make this work . After the conversation we had we went out and he said to me that he wanted to spend more time with me and me again was happy but ... He needed to travel for work for two weeks so I waited for him . When he returned to town of course I wanted to see him and I tried to make plans. The first time I ask him to catch up he canceled me because he made plans with his friends to go to the movies . Then few days later I called him and he said that he wanted to see me but he had the flu and didn't want to make me sick . Few more days pass and he still had the flu . More days pass and the same excuse but he claimed that he wanted to see me . So finally he says ok let's meet Wednesday. Wednesday came and he told me lets doit on Friday. Friday came and out of the blue he said I'm busy lets leave it for Monday . I was so angry that I told him you are playing with me I had enough of this . And he said that he was busy with work blah blah blah obviously I believed what he said . He told me that he liked my company and the connection we have and "that's the key points of a relationship " all good I waited for him until Monday . Yesterday finally the day arrived and I went to his place and I asked him what do you want to do ? Do you want to have an open relationship where I can see other people and you other people ?or do you want to date exclusively and try to make this work ? I need to know what I'm getting in to . I also said to him I like you I'm interested in you , you are a great guy and I would love to share what I have with you and to travel with you and do what a couple does to see if this work . His response ; well that's something that you need to think about and I need to think about lets think about it for a few days and then we talk . Besides the fact that you don't know any of my friends and I don't know any of your friends and that you sometimes don't have time . And I said I can make time I want to make this work besides you said to me that it was stupid not to try But then he said : I like your company but there's got to be something else you know ? Besides I have tried before and didn't work . My heart at that time was crushing and I said ok lets talk later . I don't know what does his friends and my friends have to do with this . Why in this world he says he wants to try and then say that he needs to think about it. So before I left I went to the bathroom that is inside his room ..SURPRISE .. There was long blond hair in his sheets a lighter and a candle he always lights when I stayed the night or we had sex . I ask him are you seeing someone else ? Maybe blond long hair ?? He was speechless all he said was that he had friends over WTF ??? then he blamed on the dryer . So now what I think is that he avoided me for a month to spend time with someone else and that his confusion is because he is with this blond girl . I'm so angry and hurt I feel played and I don't know if it's a good idea to tell him that I don't want nothing to do with him . That I'm moving on that I don't deserve this . I feel like crap specially when I was honest and I opened my heart to him . I hate this . Help
stillafool Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I'm sorry this happened. It seems he did want a relationship with you at first because he likes your conversation and thinks you are compatible that way. However after he had the blond it seems he is wondering is there more to a relationship than good conversation and a traveling companion. He wants passion, chemistry and hot sex. I think he felt it with her and he is trying to back out of the relationship with you. I think you should leave him alone. 2
Author Blueribbon Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 Your words hurts so much . I can't stop crying. I feel responsible for this I feel is my fault that things didn't work out
stillafool Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Oh honey, I'm sorry I hurt you. On these forums we tend to tell how we feel without a filter. I'm so, so sorry.
stillafool Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 You sound like a beautiful person and you certainly deserve better than this guy putting you on a back burner until he decides what he wants. You need to go NC on him and make him chase you if he wants you. Don't be conveinient for him. 1
stillafool Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Your words hurts so much . I can't stop crying. I feel responsible for this I feel is my fault that things didn't work out How is this your fault? This guy put you off when you had plans and saw another woman. That's not your fault but his.
mightycpa Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I think you're confused, not him. Allow me to explain: His response was that he wanted to try and that after knowing me for long time is was stupid not to try . At that moment I thought that we were going to be working on a relationship. A very reasonable assumption. but ... He needed to travel for work for two weeks so I waited for him . When he returned to town of course I wanted to see him and I tried to make plans. Of course, very reasonable. The first time I ask him to catch up he canceled me because he made plans with his friends to go to the movies...Then few days later I called him and he said that he wanted to see me but he had the flu and didn't want to make me sick . Few more days pass and he still had the flu . More days pass and the same excuse but he claimed that he wanted to see me ...So finally he says ok let's meet Wednesday. Wednesday came and he told me lets doit on Friday. Friday came and out of the blue he said I'm busy lets leave it for Monday ...I was so angry that I told him you are playing with me I had enough of this. Again, all perfectly reasonable. At this point in time, you seemed to know that he wasn't serious about you. But then you went south for some reason: Yesterday finally the day arrived and I went to his place and I asked him what do you want to do ? That, and everything after that was a waste of your time. You already knew what he didn't want to do. Now you just have to accept what you already know. It's not your fault. People want whoever they want, for whatever reasons they have. 1
Author Blueribbon Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 Hi and thank you for your time I don't have anyone to talk to so you are the only voice of advice I have . I tried I swear I tried for so many years to be the one for him so when he finally said lets try I thought I have won the lottery I feel is my fault because I think that I could've done better and spend time with him but I know that doesn't justify the hair in his pillow . I feel like I've done something to deserve this and that I made him to find someone else 1
mightycpa Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Hi and thank you for your time I don't have anyone to talk to so you are the only voice of advice I have . I tried I swear I tried for so many years to be the one for him so when he finally said lets try I thought I have won the lottery I feel is my fault because I think that I could've done better and spend time with him but I know that doesn't justify the hair in his pillow . I feel like I've done something to deserve this and that I made him to find someone else You're welcome. I didn't read your other posts, but if you were in an open relationship with him for years, or even just trying to get a date for years, then you were wasting most of your time. Guys don't value girls who do that and girls don't value guys who do that either. If you've been chasing him for years with no luck, believe me, it's nothing you did. He just doesn't want that with you. You're wasting your time with this guy, and it sounds like you're making yourself feel bad. 1
casey.lives Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 do you find yourself trying too hard for a relationship.. then.. you can keep experiencing pain over him ..or you can feel the pain to get over him. either way there is a lot of pain ahead. It's your choice 1
stillafool Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Hi and thank you for your time I don't have anyone to talk to so you are the only voice of advice I have . I tried I swear I tried for so many years to be the one for him so when he finally said lets try I thought I have won the lottery I feel is my fault because I think that I could've done better and spend time with him but I know that doesn't justify the hair in his pillow . I feel like I've done something to deserve this and that I made him to find someone else I think you are wasting your time on a guy who doesn't feel the same way about you that you do about him. It's too bad you have wasted years trying to be with him when the truth is when a man wants you you don't have to try anything. The man will chase you for the relationship. I don't think you should waste anymore time trying to get this dude to love you because he doesn't. Why didn't you go out with other men during those years you were chasing this one? 1
Author Blueribbon Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 Stillafool Is hard to be interested in another guy when in you have someone in mind . I have dated other people but I guess I always had the hope . What I don't understand is how someone can change their mind and say one day yes let's try and then I have to think about it ? Do you think is worth the time to tell him that I'm moving on because I'm I can't do this anymore is so painfull to be like this . This is the most confusing oxymoron but I want to be with him of course I do but I choose not to I can't pay the price anymore and I don't know what hurts the most the fact that he avoided me for weeks and cancel plans to see this girl or the fact that he doesn't know if he wants to be with me 1
stillafool Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 previously here on loveshack I asked about an open relationship and after many replies I decided to face the situation and ask the guy I was seeing about our status . His response was that he wanted to try and that after knowing me for long time is was stupid not to try . At that moment I thought that we were going to be working on a relationship. Do you really want a guy to respond this way to getting into a relationship with you? He isn't saying he wants you and that's why he wants the relationship, he's acting like he's doing you a favor, not that he wants you. He needed to travel for work for two weeks so I waited for him . When he returned to town of course I wanted to see him and I tried to make plans. The first time I ask him to catch up he canceled me because he made plans with his friends to go to the movies . Then few days later I called him and he said that he wanted to see me but he had the flu and didn't want to make me sick . Few more days pass and he still had the flu . More days pass and the same excuse but he claimed that he wanted to see me . So finally he says ok let's meet Wednesday. Wednesday came and he told me lets doit on Friday. Friday came and out of the blue he said I'm busy lets leave it for Monday . I was so angry that I told him you are playing with me I had enough of this . And he said that he was busy with work blah blah blah obviously I believed what he said . He told me that he liked my company and the connection we have and "that's the key points of a relationship " all good I waited for him until Monday . You and I both know that when a bf or gf arrives back in town the first thing they want to do is contact their SO. He was not eager to see you at all. He would rather go to the movies with his friends? He continues to put you off each time you tried to be with him. Yesterday finally the day arrived and I went to his place and I asked him what do you want to do ? Do you want to have an open relationship where I can see other people and you other people ?or do you want to date exclusively and try to make this work ? I need to know what I'm getting in to . I also said to him I like you I'm interested in you , you are a great guy and I would love to share what I have with you and to travel with you and do what a couple does to see if this work . His response ; well that's something that you need to think about and I need to think about lets think about it for a few days and then we talk . Besides the fact that you don't know any of my friends and I don't know any of your friends and that you sometimes don't have time . And I said I can make time I want to make this work besides you said to me that it was stupid not to try But then he said : I like your company but there's got to be something else you know ? He is telling you he does not feel a romantic connection with you or a sexual one. I think this is why he isn't eager to spend alone time together with you. Besides I have tried before and didn't work . Tried before with who? You? My heart at that time was crushing and I said ok lets talk later . I don't know what does his friends and my friends have to do with this . Why in this world he says he wants to try and then say that he needs to think about it. You're right, his friends have absolutely nothing to do with it and you could meet them anytime. It's just a lame excuse. So before I left I went to the bathroom that is inside his room ..SURPRISE .. There was long blond hair in his sheets a lighter and a candle he always lights when I stayed the night or we had sex . Is his bed in his bathroom? How did you see his sheets? Anywho, yes he had sex with the blonde. I ask him are you seeing someone else ? Maybe blond long hair ?? He was speechless all he said was that he had friends over WTF ??? then he blamed on the dryer . So now what I think is that he avoided me for a month to spend time with someone else and that his confusion is because he is with this blond girl . More than likely you are correct in your assumption. He wants the blond and doesn't know how to get out of the relationship he promised you. I'm so angry and hurt I feel played and I don't know if it's a good idea to tell him that I don't want nothing to do with him . That I'm moving on that I don't deserve this . I feel like crap specially when I was honest and I opened my heart to him . I hate this . Help I know. I think you've done enough already and you should just not talk to him anymore and heal. He said you two should think about it and talk again so wait to see if he contacts you this time. If he does tell him how you feel and if he doesn't contact you you will know it's definitely over. 1
stillafool Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Stillafool Is hard to be interested in another guy when in you have someone in mind . I have dated other people but I guess I always had the hope . What I don't understand is how someone can change their mind and say one day yes let's try and then I have to think about it ? Do you think is worth the time to tell him that I'm moving on because I'm I can't do this anymore is so painfull to be like this . This is the most confusing oxymoron but I want to be with him of course I do but I choose not to I can't pay the price anymore and I don't know what hurts the most the fact that he avoided me for weeks and cancel plans to see this girl or the fact that he doesn't know if he wants to be with me I know it's hard to get interested in someone else when you like another guy. But, when you clearly see this guy isn't feeling the same way about you, is basically avoiding you and for sure sleeping with a blonde. C'mon he's not that much of a catch. Do you want a man that you have to chase and never catch? Honey it's time to throw in the towel on this guy and face the facts. 1
Author Blueribbon Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 Thank you again for your time . Yes many of the things he said to me I don't understand maybe is just BS to get out of the way . Honestly at this point all I want is to heal and forget . Like I said before I want to be with him because of course we created a bond for many years . Maybe at the beginning he said he wanted to try just to keep me around who knows I have learn through the years that people lie about feelings and don't care about others persons feelings . I want to be with him but I choose not to . I can't I can't pass the fact that he played with me and my emotions , avoided me for a month and sleep with the blond and gave me a lame excuse for the hair ." He said I like your company but there's got to be something more " maybe I don't meet his expectations and yes the blond has tons to do with him changing his mind . I don't have the courage to ask him what he wants the answer is clear . He's going to tell me he doesn't want a relationship with me . I can't fool myself . If by any chance God gives me a chance to talk to him because he calls me or text me for sure i will say to him that I don't want to be with him that I can't be his **** budy and that I want something he can't give me . It hurts and I know that what follows is going to hurt like hell . At the end I had a lot of expectations with him and it hurts to see everything I waited for gone away
Author Blueribbon Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 I don't care if I was way to honest with him telling him my feelings I DONT CARE !!! If I scared him because maybe he wasn't expecting my questions . I'm a 31 years old woman and I need to know what to expect yes it hurts and I was looking for a different answer but I rather know the trut and where I stand . I'm in the point where I'm not afraid to say what I want .
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