lostinmyself Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 I'm new to this forum, so please bear with me and excuse me if I get a little long-winded. I’ll try for the condensed version. I have been reading some of the posts and I think I could use some of ya'lls advice. (yes, I'm originally from the south. lol) Here's the situation: I have been divorced for about 3 years and have only been in one (short-lived) relationship since. Until about two months ago, I figured I would never find a guy, especially in this small town. (It's pretty slim-pickin's around here.) But one day after a poker tournament, this guy (who had been staring at me all day) comes over and sits down with me and my friends and introduces himself. We didn't know each other because he had just moved back to town. We visited for a while then went to a party together (where mutual friends were), etc. He told me that he really liked me and that he was happier when in a relationship and that if I wasn't up for that, then he didn't want to waste his time. Cool by me. After that we spent the next month together, going out and just getting to know each other, he even cooked for me a few times. We didn't see each other every night, but we talked on the phone if we didn't. He also told me that he had a lot of friends (guys and girls) and that I shouldn't get jealous. I have both guy and girl friends too, so that was no big deal. I don't normally get jealous. It's a waste of my energy. During this month: 1. One night when we went out (we were drinking, so some of what he said was probably alcohol induced), he told me he loved me and wanted to spend more time with me and that he would even stop hanging out with his friends (especially the girls) so much. I didn't reply to the love thing. Because of the alcohol thing, I didn't know what to say. 2. A few days later (sober, this time), we talked about this stuff again (leaving out the love part this time). He again said how much he liked me and that he would exclude his girlfriends in things we did because he knew how it made me feel, even though I never said anything. 3. Says he will be staying in town more (with me) once the heifers are through calving. (he lives on his uncle’s farm in the country.) please don't laugh. Finally, 4. His uncle became very sick (and recently died) and his mother found out about us, his dad is cool with us. Then all of a sudden one night he tells me that we need to slow down. He says he has a lot of things going on in his life with his parents, his family and himself that he needs to work on before he can devote himself to a relationship. But he is “not dumping me by any means.” He just needs a few weeks to get things straightened out in his life. Then a few nights later he tells me that I am everything he has ever wanted and that he would do anything for me, but he’s scared and he just needs to be friends right now. So, after all of that….He still calls 10 times a day, text messages me about 20, still invites me out to the farm and occasionally stays in town with me. We also still talk about “us” and some kind of future (which he brings up), but then he still refers to me as his “friend.” Our friends still think we are “we” even though we say “friends.” Also, I am 35, divorced and have a daughter and he is 25, previously broken hearted by his high school sweetheart, no kids. And his mother is overly protective; hence the “found out about us” part. The dilemma: He’s driving me insane! Is he serious or just f**king with me? Should I stick around or run like the wind? Is he the player I fear he might be? Help! Confusion has set in! Thanks in advance for any wisdom ya'll can impart upon me. lostinmyself
Author lostinmyself Posted May 5, 2005 Author Posted May 5, 2005 sorry. I'll condense and try again. thx
clynn Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 W-O-W! That is sooooo hard to know. I think I would suggest not responding and being less available to him when he constantly contacts you - letting him know that you can't be this involved with someone who is just a friend. Sounds like his own actions freaked himself out - men are so that way.
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