Megan42 Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 I've been thru several breakups and reconciliations with my boyfriend. There is no trust, respect or committment at this point - we just keep coming back to each other because neither one of us can go very long without contact. We end up back together but I can tell the relationship is fizzling out - but neither one of us can end it. I don't have the desire to make it work anymore - I love him but am no longer in love with him. He's done some mean things to me which have killed my trust - I left him many times and he came back. I'd take him back because I would be at a vulnerable stage and lonely so he'd slide right back into place and we'd fight, reconcile and do ok for a while then have another big blow up. I need to let go - right now we've reconciled but I can't trust him, I don't desire him and I'm just to scared to end it for good. What do I do?
Megan42 Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Nevermind this post - we had a big blow up and I think it's now ended for good. I offered to cook dinner for him tomorrow night and ever since I called him after no contact he's been a royal a$$. Trust me - you get burned when you break no contact - I really got screwed trying to be nice and forgiving. I just got a major dose of hateful and realized he has ZERO respect for me. Forget this abuse - I'm over this relationship once and for all. Now I'm back to No Contact and he can rot in hell. I've never been so hurt in my life and I feel so stupid for taking him back all those times - what a fool I am. I'm very hurt and exhausted from this crap. I'll never go thru this again - four times is enough and it never works out no matter what you promise each other. Resentments and crap stays and once trust is lost I really don't think you can ever get it back. Someone offer a shoulder - I'm very upset and feel like a fool.
Merin Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Don't be so hard on yourself... I was in a 2 year relationship that sucked My a**! We could never get along .. he was controlling, abusive, jealous and very disrespectful to me.. YET I stayed with him ugh! He was also very manipulating.. and every time we broke up (like every 2 freakin weeks no lie!) he would then cry, tell me how much he loves me and was going to change blah blah.. I knew in my heart and soul he wasn't going to but I allowed my fear of failing (in the relationship) to drive me and I took his sorry a** back Sometimes crappy relationships are hard to untangle yourself from... Hang in there
Megan42 Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Merin, THANKS - "this relationship has sucked my a**" too (what a great way of putting it because that's literally how I feel). I've never known a man so self absorbed, arrogant and heartless. And yes a master manipulator (sounds like we were with the same guy). I feel taken for a ride and my insides sucked out and thrown back in my face. After the hateful things he said to me and after I invested 2 years of my life with him I have the wind knocked out of me. I bent over backwards this time trying to please him and commit to him - I swallowed my pride and was willing to give it one last chance and do whatever it took. But when he starts yelling at me I cannot put up with it - so I said "This just isn't ever gonna work". He said 'You're right - goodbye" and he slammed the phone down on me. (He called me originally). He's a liar and I can never trust him - so it's officially over. Now I gotta switch gears completely from having hope to no hope at all. I need a glass of wine......... Thanks Merin - you said what I needed to hear and that is "don't be so hard on yourself". I am taking this hard but I'm relieved because I knew it would never work.
AriaIncognito Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 From the sounds of your first post, you already knew what should be done. You're no longer in love with him. Why would you want to be with someone that you no longer loved and had no potential future for happiness with? It's best for you to move on with your life and find someone that you DO love. Once you do, you'll realize it was worth taking the risk. Jennifer
jp13370 Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 I can relate - sometimes although you know it's over you just can't quite let go - ya gotta stick around for more torture! I'm going thru something similar but now have "reconciliation burn out". I'm tired of trying to make it work - it won't and I've fallen out of love with him.
lindya Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 Some people just get to be a bad habit. Like smoking, the addict breaks the habit for a while - but in times of stress goes back to it. It's a shame you can't get the equivalent of Nicquorette (or whatever it's called) for the heart. Or for whatever other part of the addict's anatomy keeps him/her for going back to the wrong person.
ICantStopLovinHim Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 WOW....Sounds like all three of us were dating the same man. Megan i know just how it feels. I am in the same situation I am glad it seems as though you have a way out, unfortunately I am not so lucky I have had a very ROCKY relationship with someone I live with. Don't get me wrong i have love for him, its just not working out and he is absolutely refusing to leave. Recently I have been looking for a place. What makes this worse is he is the father of my one year old son. I will forever be bound to thisman which is ok. I have just come to the realization we werent meant for each other. I am just waiting on him to realize the same. I am completely unhappy. I dont know why he wont just leave.
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