TheStylist Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 It's been a month since the last time we were together and today is the 17th days of NC. We had a huge fight the last time we talked and both of us went straight to NC. Now, few days ago, I asked my cousin to check his facebook if he had removed our photos yet and he hasn't. So 3 days ago, I rang his phone to ask him nicely to remove the photos but he didn't pick up. So, the next day I phoned his bestfriend and asked him to tell my ex to remove all traces of me. His bestfriend called him up yesterday to tell him about it and he sent him several msgs to remind him about removing the pics and he keeps saying, "okay, I will." But until now, he hasn't remove the photos. Even his bestfriend sided with me now. I know this sounds a bit nonsense but I want to move on and don't want any more traces of me in his account. Should I break NC and msg him to tell him myself that it bothers me? I already broke NC when I phoned him 3 days ago but he didn't answer. Or I should just move forward and just let it go? Most of his friends still think we are together and I don't like it. Why is he still keeping the photos in his account?
lop98 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Because it's his account and not yours. Try being less dependable of his actions and stop finding lame excuses to get in touch, you didn't "break NC" to inform him pictures of you were in his account simply because you've never done No Contact, which only involves you and which involves blocking and NOT SNOOPING. Contacting his friend for something so silly and that should be the least of your concerns (how about truly moving on being your #1 priority) is absolutely ridiculous and should already make you want to turn the page BY YOURSELF, not with the help of how his facebook looks or how the friend succeeds at sending your message or not. In short, stop snooping, block, disable your fb account if it's too irresistible and follow the rest of the recovery points in the NC guide. 7
54JA Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 lop98 is right. NC means you take responsibility for your own healing, without relying on your ex in any shape or form. There are things you can do. You can refrain from using FB for a while (not that big of a deal), refrain from seeking information on his FB, inform your friends/other people that you two are broken up, etc. You accept that whatever he does or doesn't do no longer have anything to do with our life and decide (commit) to not let it affect you. It's tough, but you gotta try. Hang in there.
yxalitis Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I still have pictures of my exes in my phone and Facebook, whether I am still with them or not is utterly irrelevant, this is my past, my memories, I'm not going to burn the photo albums because of a break up. I'm no longer on holiday in Singapore, should I remove those photos too, Oh that pet has died...better delete them darn photos.... 2
Author TheStylist Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 Yes, I agree. It was, indeed, a lame excuse. Few minutes after posting my OP, he rang me but I didn't take his call. I texted his bestfriend, instead, to tell him not to contact me anymore and if he called because of the photos, that he can do whatever he wants from now on. It is hard. Too hard. I've been in catatonic state for weeks. But I am so proud of myself that I still continue on with my strength training 5x a week. That is the only thing keeping me sane these days. You see, we haven't talk after the huge fight. Though few hours after the fight, I did ring him back twice and texted him saying, "please, let's not fight anymore. Let's talk about this. You know that I love you." And he never returned any of those calls and msgs. And I went straight to NC after that. His bestfriend said maybe it finally sink to him that I am finally moving on that's why he is calling me now. Sometimes, I don't know if it's fair if we can sit down and talk about this for the last time or it's too late already. Should I break NC and give ourselves the last talk or go back straight to NC feeling so unsure what went wrong?
CryMeARiver Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I think the photos are irrelevant and if you make an issue of it, I don't think it will set well. I think you subconsciously want to talk to him, are angry and using the photo thing as an outlet. So what if he deletes the photos? Then what? If you called him and he called you take the call. Be careful not to play games and try to be honest of what your motivation is here, it will help guide you.
Gus Grimly Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Should I break NC and give ourselves the last talk or go back straight to NC feeling so unsure what went wrong? You don't get what NC truly is. It's not a faucet you turn on and off when in need. It's to help you move on and start healing quickly. If you aren't going to practice NC faithfully, then don't bother. Sending text messages to his friends? That's breaking NC. You snooping, checking his social media ... that's breaking contact. Anything you do where your EX is somehow involved is breaking NC. The only time you get a pass is if it's an unavoidable situation. You need to figure out if you are gonna go back to your Ex or if you need to move on and find happiness elsewhere. Right now it sounds like both of you don't know what you want. I'd figure that out first then proceed from there. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 You aren't NC. You are still contacting him through other people. True NC means zero communication. Don't ask other people to check his FB. Don't involve his best friend. You are making it into more of an issue than it needs to be, in my honest opinion. And it's becoming a power struggle. For your own good, let it go. Do you want to talk to him about your relationship? If so, be honest and say so. If he calls, answer. If all you're really concerned about is him removing your photos, realize you can't really tell him what to do on his own account and start moving on.
grokcahsevol Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I still have all my photos up, and last I checked she still had them up as well (about a week ago). I'm leaving them for memories and when the day comes that I get over her, I'll save them all and put them away somewhere. I haven't checked her profile since, part of me wants to just to see if she still has our photos up but she also got into a relationship with the girl, so I have been avoiding her facebook. It's been 3 weeks NC
Ariess10 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Who cares if he has photos up ? It's there a bigger issue here like healing and moving on??
Author TheStylist Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 You are right, everyone. Maybe the real reason why I did what I did is to really want to talk to him because I still don't know what happened. We had worst fights before but we immediately reconcile. The last fight was nothing compared to our past fights. Maybe he got tired and wanted a break but he should have at least inform me. That is why I've been so restless and lost. As days go by, I started accepting the fact that we are breaking up and he is never gonna contact me so I was snooping and used the photos as an excuse to send him the msg and stir up his attention that I still exist. Honestly, I don't know anymore. Part of me wants to talk to him but at the same time, I feel like breaking up might be the best thing for both of us... I can sense that if we will talk again, we will get back together and that is what I am scared of because I am not sure about us anymore. Sigh!
stillafool Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Don't look at his FB account and you won't see the photos. Stop snooping on him. You two are broken up.
Author TheStylist Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 I don't even know if we are really broken up. We went straight to NC after the fight without really saying we need a break. Does breaking up really need to be told? Or should we just rely on the action? Since, we both went NC without really confirming a break up after a fight, does it mean we are broken up already? Sorry, my brain is soooo clouded I don't know what to think anymore.
lop98 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 You are very much broken up, it's over. Some people just vanish after a nice day at the park... still a breakup. You are seeing it all blurry because that's pain and it's normal and unfortunately no one will get you out of it except yourself and the amount of effort and discipline you put into recovering and getting through this experience.
stillafool Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I don't even know if we are really broken up. We went straight to NC after the fight without really saying we need a break. Does breaking up really need to be told? Or should we just rely on the action? Since, we both went NC without really confirming a break up after a fight, does it mean we are broken up already? Sorry, my brain is soooo clouded I don't know what to think anymore. Well you have not been with him for a month and it's been 17 days since you had contact. You left him a message with his cousin to remove the pics and he said "okay". He didn't call you back or pick up when you called him yourself. I would say it's over and he's in the process of moving on. Maybe he's been too busy to remove the photos but in the meantime don't look and don't ask about him.
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Ex and I broke up 6 months ago. I recently went back on facebook and found out she has a new boyfriend. I don't want her back but I also don't feel like seeing pics of her with her new guy. So I unfriended her, her entire family and all of her friends. I noticed she's still friends with all of my family members (they were never close) and all of my friends. She likes some of my friends photos too. Just found this a little odd. My buddy thinks she's keeping tabs on me in case her relationship doesn't work out (I would never get back together with her). 1
Author TheStylist Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 He didn't call you back or pick up when you called him yourself. I would say it's over and he's in the process of moving on. Maybe he's been too busy to remove the photos but in the meantime don't look and don't ask about him. He did call me back the next day after his bestfriend rang him the previous night to tell him that I wanted him to remove our photos. His bestfriend had to follow through with several texts because he is still not removing it until now. Instead, he phoned me and I didn't not pick up because I realized I don't have anything to say aside from telling him to remove the photos.
Author TheStylist Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 Thing is, I still can't decide whether to proceed on doing "strict" NC and let everything hang like that or to have a last talk with him. His bestfriend thinks we really need to talk this all out before deciding on what to do next. But I don't know what to say anymore. I still love him, of course but I don't really miss him that much anymore because I always think of what's bad in our relationship so I can easily move forward. I meant, I am doing a lot better today compared to few days ago and I am too scared that if I'll talk to him again and things will not go smoothly, I'll be back to being catatonic and tear-eyed 24/7. I am too thankful my gym training isn't affected by all these though it's been really hard to get motivated but I have to force (really force) myself to workout. My workout is my only life line. Please, help me decide. Should I talk to him first and see where it goes before deciding to do the strict NC? I can't trust myself anymore on what's the best thing to do about this... Please, help.
aloneinaz Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Thing is, I still can't decide whether to proceed on doing "strict" NC and let everything hang like that or to have a last talk with him. His bestfriend thinks we really need to talk this all out before deciding on what to do next. But I don't know what to say anymore. I still love him, of course but I don't really miss him that much anymore because I always think of what's bad in our relationship so I can easily move forward. I meant, I am doing a lot better today compared to few days ago and I am too scared that if I'll talk to him again and things will not go smoothly, I'll be back to being catatonic and tear-eyed 24/7. I am too thankful my gym training isn't affected by all these though it's been really hard to get motivated but I have to force (really force) myself to workout. My workout is my only life line. Please, help me decide. Should I talk to him first and see where it goes before deciding to do the strict NC? I can't trust myself anymore on what's the best thing to do about this... Please, help. Only you can make the choice but I think you know what the correct choice is. 1) Go back to that drama filled, dysfunctional/toxic relationship for more stress and un-happiness, or.. 2) Deal with the break up pain for a short while and move onto someone you're more compatible with. I think most would suggest number two.
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