CryMeARiver Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 (edited) My ex and I broke up a little over a month ago when I caught him cheating. I had red flags from the beginning and so much has come apparent that he was dishonest our entire time together. Sick of the gut feeling that was gnawing at me I broke into his fb as well as his email. I was horrified to find naked pics of skanky women in his fb and where he had sent pics of himself to them. I also found out he had been building a relationship with a woman for the past there months...involved with her family and four kids. Also naked pics of her she sent him and pics of hickies on her neck. I confronted him and he pretty much told me he had feelings for the ow and harshly left me in pieces. I also sent her screen shots of our texts conversations from the past month showing we were together. He was not going to lie about me to her. It was spiteful and wrong. But I had already sent her a message and asked of she was dating him so I knew he was going to try to lie out of it. Evidently neither of us knew about the other. Still the joke was on me. 3 days after the split with my ex, he declared to the world he was in a relationship with his woman, something he has never done before in any relationship before me included. I hear of lots of photos of them dressed up and out on the town. It's so hurtful! Is this user of a narcissist who I fell for really in love and a changed man for her? Or was I just a long term nothing who he didn't even post pics of me wit him on his page? Lol Instill love this man and am slowly recovering from his infliction in my life. People, listen to your gut. Edited July 21, 2015 by CryMeARiver
Author CryMeARiver Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 My question is also how can this woman be declaring how happy she is to the world on FB knowing this man is a lie and cheat? I almost feel they are showing off a bit too much. But then again, maybe it's really love. Still hurt and angry, don't understand how a serial cheat gets to be happy.
pillowpuffs Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I completely understand how you feel. I am going through something similar (my ex and I were together for 6 years, he dumped me and moved on to someone else that he had cheated on me with and there are photos on FB of him look good and jolly). That's what I think too - how is it possible I'm the one who's suffering when he cheated and treated me terrible and he gets to move on and be happy? It isn't fair is it. I guess that's just how things go. People sometimes come into your life and take the best out of you and leave you down in the dumps. Also, the woman your ex is with now has no conscience clearly. In her mind, she's probably just thinking she got the guy and I guess she did, didn't she? At least in your case the girl didn't know you existed - in mine, she knew I had been there and had been with him for 6 years and yet she slept with him and basically was his other girlfriend. It makes me sick! I'm sorry you have to go through this and you had to see those pictures, it isn't right and I'm sure it caused you a lot of pain but you aren't alone here if that helps. 1
Author CryMeARiver Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 Aw Pillow, I'm sorry to hear of your pain. Sounds like you got a double whammy. I've heard the old saying "if they cheat with you they will cheat on you" and I think that HAS to have some truth to it. I guess I was secretly hoping this new relationship would crash and burn and he'd regret...or at least let me know he was sorry or missed me. The barrage of photos say to me he is happy and is in love. That they are in love. And why not me? I know I was a complete doormat. I'm so sad all of my fears came true. I knew something was wrong but with his reassurance and daily contact I thought him hanging in there was a good sign. It sounds as if he has cheated on everyone he has ever been with. But with this new woman he is declaring love to the world. I hope it's that he has had to step up to keep her and his web of deceit will crash his world as he has mine.
ManyDissapoint Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I don't believe in karma. There are coincidences that we project value onto them when and if they occur. You only hear about the times they occur because they stick out like irradiated popsicles against the moonlight. Avoiding painful and damaging behavior works. Stay off of his facebook. His life is no longer relevant to yours. It may be one day, and then you can do as you like. But not now.
Author CryMeARiver Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 I agree... Staying off Fb is important to healing. He blocked me on one page, I blocked him on my business page as well as the new Gf. We have a mutual circle tho. Very glad we don't live in same town but close enough to run into each other. Will try hard to avoid everything until I can heal. But I go back to my original question and thoughts that plague me if they really are so happy and he is a changed man?
pillowpuffs Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Aw Pillow, I'm sorry to hear of your pain. Sounds like you got a double whammy. I've heard the old saying "if they cheat with you they will cheat on you" and I think that HAS to have some truth to it. I guess I was secretly hoping this new relationship would crash and burn and he'd regret...or at least let me know he was sorry or missed me. The barrage of photos say to me he is happy and is in love. That they are in love. And why not me? I know I was a complete doormat. I'm so sad all of my fears came true. I knew something was wrong but with his reassurance and daily contact I thought him hanging in there was a good sign. It sounds as if he has cheated on everyone he has ever been with. But with this new woman he is declaring love to the world. I hope it's that he has had to step up to keep her and his web of deceit will crash his world as he has mine. I know how that is - I waited/ have been waiting for a month and a half to hear he missed me or that he made a mistake but I haven't gotten it and I realise I am never going to. Like you said, all of your fears came true and they did for me too sadly You never know what's going to happen with this woman, if it'll continue or if like you hope, it'll crash and burn... but don't focus on that for now. We have to heal ourselves and we can only do that when we forcefully try to shut them out of our lives everyday. It doesn't matter what they do and it doesn't matter how big of a fool we look right now but unlike the above poster, I do believe in karma. Take care of you and focus on you. Even though I don't entirely believe it myself right now, we have to be okay and happy some day.
Author CryMeARiver Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 So true Pillow! I can't say why I still love this jerk. I fell in love with what he tried to portray. I need to work on myself so the loss of a relationship doesn't turn my life upside down. I have some intense things happening in my life as it is and was very happy to have met this man. Have to make myself admit it was all a farce and he doesn't care. His former dating stories were enough to gray my hair. I thought he was sharing this info because he had changed. Guess he was warning me. I pretty much had signs from beginning but decided to take him at his word. He's an immature man with serious issues I can't change. I hope I can forget him soon. Hang in there as well, mày we both find happiness.
lana-banana Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I think a lot of people, men and women alike, do this after they get engaged. They are so overwhelmed with happiness that it blinds them to the very real hurt they may have caused in the lives of others. It sounds like he's trying to get your forgiveness so he can skip away guilt-free into happily ever after with this girl. You don't have to left him. You can simply delete the message, block him, and focus on your own healing. 2
Ariess10 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 People are weird , they do weird stuff no sense in asking why, you'll never know.. Sometimes the people we love the most hurt us, or leave us that's when we gotta pick ourselfs up and move on the best way we can..
Author CryMeARiver Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 Thanks for replies. I THINK I have my ex blocked in every way possible so I don't have to see all of this hurt. He refused to even allow tagged photos of us together from anyone on his page. Now he is parading this new flop all over. I'm sure part of it is a "haha you didn't break us up" jab. This stupid woman has convinced herself he won't cheat on her . It may not happen for a while but eventually I hope and believe it will. So much hurt and wondering how so much time with someone and I meant absolutely nothing to him. 1
Mrin Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I agree... Staying off Fb is important to healing. He blocked me on one page, I blocked him on my business page as well as the new Gf. We have a mutual circle tho. Very glad we don't live in same town but close enough to run into each other. Will try hard to avoid everything until I can heal. But I go back to my original question and thoughts that plague me if they really are so happy and he is a changed man? So let me ask you this - which story better serves you? That they're really happy and he's a changed man? Or that she's just next in his line of women that he uses? Or that he's just putting on a happy face on FB? Because honestly - you can pick whatever story you want. Only time will tell with them and if you're sufficiently NC, you won't know or care. Pick the story that best serves you. I know that sounds weird but it is better than anguishing about that which cannot be known. 2
Gus Grimly Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 ..... if you're sufficiently NC, you won't know or care. ^This!! I just went through a tough breakup with my fiance and I've been practicing NC and I'm already feeling better after 2 weeks. Out of site, out of mind. It's so simple but it works wonders. Good luck!!
Author CryMeARiver Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 So true. Breakup scan be like deaths in a sense. I went from daily contact...which made me dance on air with each call/text to NOTHING and him immediatly moving on. And him feeling and blocking me first like I betrayed HIM. I know in my heart this man is bad and I didn't need him in my life. But I loved him warts and all and had hoped my sick gut was just fear. Again people, never ignore your screaming gut. 1
aloneinaz Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 (edited) You want to feel better? Stay hardcore NC. When my ex and I broke up, I dumped all her friends and family on FB and in life. She really didn't have many (red flag). I didn't want to hear or see anything about her. I wanted to worry about me, heal and move on. I knew I couldn't by having any exposure to her. I know it hurts and it is painful but you need to recognize that Facebook is basically fiction. People only post things that make their lives look so great, happy and better than everyone else's. The best thing you can do for you is to vanish from his life. Try and not discuss what you're doing or feeling with anyone who could report back to him. Right now, he's thinking "he's all that and a bag of chips". Knock the chip off his shoulder by him never hearing from you again. Heal yourself and date when you're ready. He's your past and it could of been a lot worse. You could of been married to him with 3 young kids! Edited July 21, 2015 by aloneinaz 1
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