single_beauty95 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 We've discussed how we want our long distance: I stated I don't want tooo much communication (eg. no more than once a week. Maybe 2 weeks even. Or even once a month). He stated he didn't want to use social media like whatsapp. Our reasons were that social media is too simple and cheapens our experience together, as well as that too much communication will allow for arguments when not done right, mistrust, boredom, and lack of 'specialness' in having conversations. I think I may also be personally paranoid about the amount of long distance relationships gone wrong because of too much communication which caused too much neediness and didn't allow for the individuals to grow and be their own person, continue with their own interests etc. He proposed we write letters. And then we also settled on skyping twice a month. I found this idea perfect. Question is, we are both unsure. Are long distance relationships better or worse with limited communication? Facts: We're in our 20s. We've dated about 7 months. He's met my family etc. He leaves for a job in a WEEK to Switzerland. I'm in a completely different continent. I trust him. I love him. This is mutual. Our reunion is planned to happen in the next 6 months (Jan).
Gaeta Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Why so little communication? If you cut down communication to bare minimum you risk breaking the bond between you. You love each other with your 5 senses and you're going to lose sight, smell, touch, taste, the only sens you have left to love each other is hearing and you want to cut that down to once a month? 1
emi Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Too little lol. Why you need to think too much about something. Talk when you both want to
54JA Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I think once a week is good. I don't see anything wrong with setting things up in a way so that you can focus on your own life while being in a LDR. I think constant communication can make some people anxious sometimes (or the anxiety makes them need constant communication? I don't know). I think the quality of your communication, rather than the quantity, is more important. As long as you are being honest and are able to genuinely enjoy the conversation, I think it can be done.
MoreAmore Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I would expect such minimal communication would break the connection, especially as meeting new and interesting people. You don't have to be constantly in communication. Personally, I'd go for at least a long video chat once a week. Occasional quick emails/photos of what's going on. I'd also make plans for parallel activities like watching new movies together. Time together strengthens bonds, not extended time apart. (Within reason) 1
elaine567 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 LDRs are hard, but limiting your communication to such levels will mean, I guess you will fall out of love. Relationships can survive with little communication, but usually they have no other option. YOU have the option to skype/text/communicate every day, but are choosing not to. Why? There is a big difference between being needy and clingy, and just normal communication, between two people who love each other. If both your intentions are to slowly let it go, then why not bite the bullet and split up now and save yourselves a lot of bother and heart-ache.
xcupid Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 We've discussed how we want our long distance: I stated I don't want tooo much communication (eg. no more than once a week. Maybe 2 weeks even. Or even once a month). He stated he didn't want to use social media like whatsapp. Our reasons were that social media is too simple and cheapens our experience together, as well as that too much communication will allow for arguments when not done right, mistrust, boredom, and lack of 'specialness' in having conversations. I think I may also be personally paranoid about the amount of long distance relationships gone wrong because of too much communication which caused too much neediness and didn't allow for the individuals to grow and be their own person, continue with their own interests etc. He proposed we write letters. And then we also settled on skyping twice a month. I found this idea perfect. Question is, we are both unsure. Are long distance relationships better or worse with limited communication? Facts: We're in our 20s. We've dated about 7 months. He's met my family etc. He leaves for a job in a WEEK to Switzerland. I'm in a completely different continent. I trust him. I love him. This is mutual. Our reunion is planned to happen in the next 6 months (Jan). This "rule" that you've established is for various reasons, one of which is so you can go your separate ways so each of you can "grow" during his absence and reconnect once in a while. You will both "grow" but it will be apart, not closer. In my view, limiting communication isn't a very good way to sustain the connection you already have. Limited communication will distance you even more. Instead, you should talk and communicate in whatever fashion you want to when you feel like it instead of setting up a "rule." You're overthinking this way too much. And by doing so you run the risk of creating even more distance between the two of you. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Before social media existed I had a b-coastal LDR -- East Coast to Southern California. We kept it alive for 2 years on daily snail mail letters & 1 phone call after 11 p.m. EST (when the rates went down) on Wednesdays. We were also lucky enough to be able to see each other 3-4x per year for at least 1 week at a time. I think the idea that social media cheapens your experience is a bit dramatic but I agree you don't need daily contact & regular Skype is good. The key is going to be how you overcome the distance. All the love in the world doesn't trump immigration issues.
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I'd want to call at least 2 times a week, or just end it. If my SO couldn't bother with 2 calls a week, I'd feel I was with the wrong person.
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