sunglasses Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 If you're in a relationship I mean. I was wondering cause my ex said it happened pretty quickly, 2 months from initial feeling of being out of love to breakup. I can't imagine it taking less than 2 months for me post breakup.
ravfour4 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I think that's a variable dependent on the individual. Some can flip a switch to protect their feelings, likely due to crazy defense mechanisms created as a child. Others will have an issue with you and will hold resentment rather than communicating clearly that will eventually make them hate you, I imagine that probably builds up over months. Some people are very strong willed and refuse to let someone else or any situation take them down, those people can likely use logic to subdue their emotions and fall out of love quickly. For those that truly love the other, it can take a ton of time, because first of all...you have to want to fall out of love. That's the hardest part, if you love someone you usually want to keep loving them and when you think about love, you instantly associate it with them until you meet someone else you love.
Chronotrgr Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 As much as I'd like to believe it couldn't possibly just happen like that, unfortunately it does for some, I've been there a few times in the past, when we are hurt and the one we love has left us, we tend to want to cling on to the thought that deep down they still care the way we do, they'll come back etc, in my experience looking back, I've been told they fell out of love gradually and you know what, I noticed it, I'd never tell myself at the time, but the signs had been there for a while, I just chose to remain oblivious to it and chalk it off as a blip, almost like I just didn't want to believe what was infront of me and wanted to keep fighting for it, all the while pushing myself deeper down a black hole, best to accept the circumstances early on and only focus on your recovery, rather than what the future might hold, because of past relationships, I strived to be better, I used to be a couch potato, these days there's never a single day that goes by that I'm not out and about doing something, bike riding, swimming, things I enjoy, life's too short to sit around and think about how we can get back our exes when their mind is already made up
Meli22 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Id say it depends on the individual and circumstances. My ex was very emotionally abusive, controlling, insecure. I was on eggshells the entire time. But he said he fell out of love with me, but he didn't know why. I could see him changing and pulling away but his behaviour continued so it was hard to pin point what was going on. Not to mention he suffered depression and anxiety. I've never fell out of love during a relationship so it's hard to say, but I think if I'd have put up with his behaviour much longer I may have. If you haven't done anything wrong and nothing has changed, it's probably an issue with them.
Author sunglasses Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 (edited) I guess I'm still trying to understand. She said she had been thinking about things (like communication issues) for a couple months pre-breakup. She didn't tell me these things during because she was still figuring things out. When she brought up these things during the breakup, to me it certainly seemed like something we could work on (we had been long distance for about 2 out of 5 years), but she seemed set on ending things. She said she felt like she fell out of love, but still cares about me and wants to stay friends. It's been about a month and a half, and we're talking and getting along fine. EDIT: If it's relevant we were both mid 20s. Edited July 21, 2015 by sunglasses
Meli22 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I think the distance may have played some part in this.
goldway90 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 GIGS or don't stay friends, you're friend-zoning yourself. Go NC with her, she wants to figure things out then let her be. Don't be her friend. Tell her to contact you if she wants to be together, don't no agree to be friends. Bad way to go. 2
Author sunglasses Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 We were friends for years before we got together, I'd rather be friends afterwards than nothing at all. I don't really think the friendzone is a concern here.
goldway90 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 We were friends for years before we got together, I'd rather be friends afterwards than nothing at all. I don't really think the friendzone is a concern here. Do you want to get back together or not?
Author sunglasses Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 Yes, but she's already demonstrated that the friendzone isn't really a thing for her, otherwise we wouldn't have gotten together in the first place. I don't want to lose out on our friendship just because maybe someday we could get back together.
goldway90 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Yes, but she's already demonstrated that the friendzone isn't really a thing for her, otherwise we wouldn't have gotten together in the first place. I don't want to lose out on our friendship just because maybe someday we could get back together. It's great that you want to keep this friendship but you can't be her friend and lover at the same time, friends don't have sex! Plus what will happen if she starts dating another guy, do you think you'd handle it?
Author sunglasses Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 It's great that you want to keep this friendship but you can't be her friend and lover at the same time, friends don't have sex! Plus what will happen if she starts dating another guy, do you think you'd handle it? I think I've already answered your questions. We were friends before, and got together. If the correct circumstances arise again, we have empirical evidence that a friendship will not get in the way of us getting together. Yes, I can handle her dating another guy. And even if I couldn't, it's not like that changes anything.
goldway90 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I think I've already answered your questions. We were friends before, and got together. If the correct circumstances arise again, we have empirical evidence that a friendship will not get in the way of us getting together. Yes, I can handle her dating another guy. And even if I couldn't, it's not like that changes anything. Well good luck then
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I think I've already answered your questions. We were friends before, and got together. If the correct circumstances arise again, we have empirical evidence that a friendship will not get in the way of us getting together. Yes, I can handle her dating another guy. And even if I couldn't, it's not like that changes anything. You say that now but you obviously still have feelings for her. You're setting yourself up to be hurt. In your head you're thinking 'whatever she can date whoever', then once she does your ego kicks into overdrive. You start thinking "why this guy? What does he have that I don't?" and a million other questions. I'd go NC for a while. Maybe heal a little, then try to pick the friendship aspect up again if she's that important to you.
Author sunglasses Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 You say that now but you obviously still have feelings for her. You're setting yourself up to be hurt. In your head you're thinking 'whatever she can date whoever', then once she does your ego kicks into overdrive. You start thinking "why this guy? What does he have that I don't?" and a million other questions. I'd go NC for a while. Maybe heal a little, then try to pick the friendship aspect up again if she's that important to you. I did NC for a while, and we are just starting to pick things back up. After we became friends but before we got together, she was was dating another guy for a while during the time that I was into her. So I know what I'm dealing with here.
Author sunglasses Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 Nobody has offered any insight to my original question of whether or not this was GIGS...
Chronotrgr Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 My advice, don't think about it, if your enjoying talking to her right now, keep on doing it, I wouldn't personally, but that's just me, once I've been dumped I give myself space and inevitably move on, but if you feel you still have a chance with her, then... contact is pretty much the only way to go, I honestly can't see how no contact works for anyone other than a healing process, I rarely if ever see women or even men for that matter wake up one day and think "oh dear me! I sure messed up, I'd better go begging for a second chance", sometimes I feel people hit blips and get into ruts, sometimes space and having that break does a world of good, so it could be that and you might be able to move forward, either way, kick back and don't think about it, I'd rather be a guy that tried a little at least before knowing there was no chance of anything ever happening again at all, if I really cared about a woman I wouldn't be able to live with myself just going quiet and letting go, but do what you want dude, if you both get on well at the moment, I don't see no harm
Author sunglasses Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 I feel like I'm going to explode. How the hell am I supposed to make it through this?
Her Bridges Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 (edited) One day at a time Find something else to focus your energy on, or a proper outlet for your frustration. Netflix binge and ice cream? Heavy workout? A good cry into the pillow? A new hobby? You don't have to pretend everything is okay, because obviously you don't feel that way. Go explode! It will make you feel better (just make sure your explosion involves something like what I listed above, not any crazy, unsafe, or inappropriate actions). Edited August 4, 2015 by Her Bridges Typos
Author sunglasses Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 It's been almost two months. I can't keep going on like this. I've tried those things and they don't really work - at best they're temporary distractions. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like the only thing I've got going for me is the 0.00001% chance she comes back, but I'm not delusional enough to believe that it will happen.
aloneinaz Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 A famous quote- Whether you think you can or you think you can't, your right.. At some point, you need to get f'ing angry at yourself and say is this person really worth what I'm putting myself through? Really? 3
Author sunglasses Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 You make it sound like I'm choosing to go through this. And belittling the fact that she was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Her Bridges Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 It's been almost two months. I can't keep going on like this. I've tried those things and they don't really work - at best they're temporary distractions. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like the only thing I've got going for me is the 0.00001% chance she comes back, but I'm not delusional enough to believe that it will happen. You can keep going because you HAVE kept going. You will continue to keep going until one day you realize you don't need the temporary distractions because the thing is behind you. I don't know your back story, I'm sorry, but if she's the best thing that ever DID happen to you, that doesn't mean she's the best that ever WILL. If things are over, then yes appreciate it for what it was, but look forward to what you have still to experience. I know all that sounds like junk right now. You have to teach yourself to remember it will get better. If you feel at rock bottom now, where else can things go but up?
CarrieT Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 You make it sound like I'm choosing to go through this. And belittling the fact that she was the best thing that ever happened to me. How old are you?
Author sunglasses Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 Except I felt at rock bottom a month ago and things have only gone downhill.
Recommended Posts