xpaperxcutx Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 There's a lot of acquaintances I knew through my ex. Some I have completely cut off because there was no point in keeping in contact and others who try to stay in my life to become my friend. There's this one guy who I've met a couple of times and because of his age and wisdom I told him he was like a brother to me. I haven't seen him in a while but we kept in contact occasionally on Facebook. Today out of the blue our conversation turned to my ex, and myself being me, I just don't want to badmouth my ex. I knew I had my faults in the relationship too and I want him to be happy, but this guy, my brother, decided to mention that my ex used to go out and have a lot of others around him. He basically said, " Many many times I would see him out, and he wasn't faithful to you". " He used to have other girls around him". Honestly, except for leaving me for another girl, my ex has never done anything that constituted as cheating. I knew him for three years and I also knew he had alot of female friends, but never once was he ever disrespectful to other girls or view them as sexual objects. I met alot of his friends, so many that I already knew my ex would never have done whatever in the context that the other guy has said. And I'm angry and upset, because this guy who I view as a brother is trash-talkin about my ex, Maybe he was trying to make me feel better but there's no way I would feel better when all of sudden all these doubts are causing me more harm than good. So what do I do? I'm having a hard time trusting him now, because of these accusations and I never expected all this.
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Being out in public with other women around does not make a cheater. A flirt maybe but not a cheater. Tell the mutual friend that you prefer he not talk trash about your EX to you. Say you have some good memories of when you were together & that you would prefer to keep those even though your relationship didn't work out you don't need him (the friend) to dredge up ancient history. Basically you take the high road.
Honey565 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 There's a lot of acquaintances I knew through my ex. Some I have completely cut off because there was no point in keeping in contact and others who try to stay in my life to become my friend. There's this one guy who I've met a couple of times and because of his age and wisdom I told him he was like a brother to me. I haven't seen him in a while but we kept in contact occasionally on Facebook. Today out of the blue our conversation turned to my ex, and myself being me, I just don't want to badmouth my ex. I knew I had my faults in the relationship too and I want him to be happy, but this guy, my brother, decided to mention that my ex used to go out and have a lot of others around him. He basically said, " Many many times I would see him out, and he wasn't faithful to you". " He used to have other girls around him". Honestly, except for leaving me for another girl, my ex has never done anything that constituted as cheating. I knew him for three years and I also knew he had alot of female friends, but never once was he ever disrespectful to other girls or view them as sexual objects. I met alot of his friends, so many that I already knew my ex would never have done whatever in the context that the other guy has said. And I'm angry and upset, because this guy who I view as a brother is trash-talkin about my ex, Maybe he was trying to make me feel better but there's no way I would feel better when all of sudden all these doubts are causing me more harm than good. So what do I do? I'm having a hard time trusting him now, because of these accusations and I never expected all this. I had similar situation. My ex left me for another girl that was his "friend". She was always strange around me, but i didn't care too much. I was being very sure in him. When me and my ex broke up, and i found out after that he was with her, my ex swore that nothing happened when we were together. One mutual friend had told me, some time after our break up that he saw signs that my ex was excited about her and that he knew they would end up together the minute that we break up. I was very hurt when i heard it. But...other people are much more objective than we are. We are blinded. You think..oh no, he would never be able to do it...but in the reality, your friend has no reason to lie to you. He is just telling you what he saw. He left you for another girl....and he was looking other girls and liking them while being with you. Another man just sees it more clearly than you do. In any case, its good that you know this, not to idealize him too much. In the long run, it will help you to overcome. 1
15Love Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 He might not have actually cheated. Your friend probably just witnessed behavior that you wouldn't have been comfortable with had you been present. I don't think he was trash talking your ex. Just telling you what he saw. Doesn't make your ex a monster. But probably could lend some clarity as to why you're better off without him.
elaine567 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 He basically said, " Many many times I would see him out, and he wasn't faithful to you". " He used to have other girls around him". shoot the messenger - to blame or punish the person who tells you about something bad that has happened, instead of the person who is responsible for it
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 Well, thanks for the replies. I told him straight out I knew my ex better than anyone and I met most his female friends to know what kind of person he was and what kind people they were. It was the end of the discussion and my friend said that he will refrain from talking about it again. There was nothing wrong with my ex. I was the needy one. I was always giving him stress and he couldn't take it anymore. And I still love him, my love for him hasn't died at all. It's kind of sick I'm still crying about him. Every time something like this happens, I would lay in bed and start bawling my eyes out. I see a therapist but all he tells is that time will fix everything. I'm so unhappy sometimes but I force myself to go on cause if I stopped living my life I would have nobody to blame except myself.
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