alice081997 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I live in a little college town. One of my neighbors is this really nice man. I'll call him Bill. He's very intelligent, funny, kind, gentle, he's a philosophy professor. He's also tall, broad shouldered, blue eyes (behind glasses of course) has a full head of (greying) hair, very athletic. He went through a terrible divorce three years ago. You know the movie Let's Kill Ward's Wife? Well that's her. Unfortunately still alive however. Anyway, I've never had a serious boyfriend. I've had plenty of attention, people say I'm pretty, but I've never like anybody that much. The high school boys are all either silly, goofy, mean, immature. I'm still a virgin. However I love Bill. And I can tell he likes me. And I'll be 18 in two weeks! But he's 55. I know my parents will have a fit if I date Bill and who knows what other people would think. At least his children are younger than I am. But don't a lot of women have relationships or at least feel attracted to older men? I certainly see it in a lot of movies. So am I a pervert or crazy? I RESPECT Bill; I love him; just haven't felt that about boys my own age.
organizedchaos Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I live in a little college town. One of my neighbors is this really nice man. I'll call him Bill. He's very intelligent, funny, kind, gentle, he's a philosophy professor. He's also tall, broad shouldered, blue eyes (behind glasses of course) has a full head of (greying) hair, very athletic. He went through a terrible divorce three years ago. You know the movie Let's Kill Ward's Wife? Well that's her. Unfortunately still alive however. Anyway, I've never had a serious boyfriend. I've had plenty of attention, people say I'm pretty, but I've never like anybody that much. The high school boys are all either silly, goofy, mean, immature. I'm still a virgin. However I love Bill. And I can tell he likes me. And I'll be 18 in two weeks! But he's 55. I know my parents will have a fit if I date Bill and who knows what other people would think. At least his children are younger than I am. But don't a lot of women have relationships or at least feel attracted to older men? I certainly see it in a lot of movies. So am I a pervert or crazy? I RESPECT Bill; I love him; just haven't felt that about boys my own age. IMO, he'd be the pervert. Has he actually made a move? And what you see in movies is pointless. It's a movie. Give yourself time to be ready for a relationship with someone within your own generation. Of course he likes you, you're 18 and he's 55! Grow up some more, go to college, don't let this infatuation steal your virginity or scar you for later in life. Just my $.02. 2
Author alice081997 Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 (edited) Why is everything else OK today but not this? And these college guys are so great? Why do I keep reading about coeds being drugged, assaulted, etc? I have a feeling that a lot of woman have had this kind of situation. I am asking: What happened? Was it worse than any other relationship? And if you didn't pursue it do you wish you had? Edited July 20, 2015 by alice081997
organizedchaos Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Why is everything else OK today but not this? And these college guys are so great? Why do I keep reading about coeds being drugged, assaulted, etc? I have a feeling that a lot of woman have had this kind of situation. I am asking: What happened? Was it worse than any other relationship? And if you didn't pursue it do you wish you had? You asked for advice, I gave you mine. Sorry it's not what you wanted to hear. 1
Author alice081997 Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 Sorry, I guess I'm really wondering what women think and if they've been through this and what happened. I get it. We won't "grow old together". But today, how many people actually do?? What if we're happy for ten or fifteen years? Is that different than most couples??
joseb Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 (edited) But today, how many people actually do?? What if we're happy for ten or fifteen years? Is that different than most couples?? No it would probably be more than most! But would you really want to be in a relationship for ten years at your age? Never mind the age gap. Personally I try not to be judgemental about age gaps, it's just a number, but you are very young to be entering into something with someone that much older. Edited July 21, 2015 by joseb
Author alice081997 Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 (edited) If we're happy together, of course. Why is the age such a big deal? And college boys are such wonderful gentlemen? I trust Bill a lot more if I've got a choice. Edited July 21, 2015 by alice081997
ird Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I don't know if you could form a serious relationship with Bill, since he's a lot older than you, different generations, etc. What do you two have in common, and what do you two converse about? I would definitely recommend dating those stupid college boys, because it gives you experience and you'll be surprised at who you find. There are a lot of intelligent and mature guys your age, you'd be surprised. I know Bill seems all-knowing and so perfect, but 20-somethings can also be quite intelligent, and actually have common interests with you. Tell us more about you and Bill though.
carhill Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I love an older man; am I crazy? From your posting, he sounds like a positive role model and example of a male you might prefer in life. He's older so the age gap can be both attractive and a hurdle to overcome; a challenge. People like challenges. Seems perfectly normal to me, not confusing normal with healthy for your current stage of growth. So, I'd opine not crazy. You'll have many such interactions in life, where attractions may bump up against societal boundaries of what is accepted. It's up to you to form up your own boundaries about what's healthy for you. Something I noted from many years of being a virgin was the wide range of potentials I was attracted to. It was literally all over the place, some trending to the unhealthy. However, once I 'settled down' and got into a LTR, including sex, with a lady my own age, all that stuff fell by the wayside, never to return. Your results may be similar, or different. 18 is a time of experimenting as a young adult. IMO, stay safe (sexually) and try things out and see what works for you. The dad in me says stick to guys your own age and not guys my age but young ladies can be pretty strong willed. Good luck! 1
Author alice081997 Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 Bill and I mostly talk about politics, current events, history. I like that sort of thing. I am not at all interested in the guys who are obsessed with sports, I totally don't get that. And nerdy guys are better, but they're usually so awkward and insecure. Bill is way past that. Literally nothing phases him. He's seen it all, done it all or at least heard it all. And by the way, I can't keep up with jogging. He just doesn't seem old. It's more mature, not angry, bitter, cranky, feeble.
joseb Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 If we're happy together, of course. Why is the age such a big deal? And college boys are such wonderful gentlemen? I trust Bill a lot more if I've got a choice. Yeah maybe they are not. It's up to you at the end of the day. I'm 44 and I recently had a short fling with a girl that was 20. I had no idea she was only 20 initially, she looked older and was really mature for her age. She was actually better read and travelled than a lot of women my age. It was never going to be a long term thing as we was leaving shortly. The one piece of advice I'd give my younger self if I could time travel would be not to get into a long term relationship too young.
deathandtaxes Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Bill and I mostly talk about politics, current events, history. I like that sort of thing. I am not at all interested in the guys who are obsessed with sports, I totally don't get that. And nerdy guys are better, but they're usually so awkward and insecure. Bill is way past that. Literally nothing phases him. He's seen it all, done it all or at least heard it all. And by the way, I can't keep up with jogging. He just doesn't seem old. It's more mature, not angry, bitter, cranky, feeble. Don't **** this up by trying to have a relationship with this guy.
Amalyn Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 So am I a pervert or crazy? I RESPECT Bill; I love him; just haven't felt that about boys my own age. He's the pervert... If in fact he has feelings for you. I'm a 30 year old female and wouldn't want to be with a 55 year old man.
mystikmind2005 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 This is definitely one of those areas of life were i am a bit envious of women.... because women can easily be attracted to older men, but for us guys, once the age of the woman is creeping toward 50 it starts getting more difficult. If i was in the OP's position, well, you have the attraction, you have the forbidden fruit effect, possibly the only thing missing here is the Viagra! lol, anyway, good fling material but not long term.
Tayla Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 There is currently a poster on here who very much enjoys the age difference and pays to keep the young in his companion choices. He's about this fellows age, Maybe you can learn somethings from his perspective. I think having a wonderful array of generational discussions is enlightening. Do not assume someones kindness and civility is reason to overstep a relationship boundary, particularly as that being a neighbor. While you point out some points in maturity differences in young men and young ladies, there is also the rite of passage that comes to mind. I think you would fair well to go that way then to jump ahead and assume your maturity meets his interest. Enjoy the carefree years... there is much to garner from it. would you want your dad hooking up with a 17/ 18 yr old? Just curious ... 1
Fleur de cactus Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I am not against love, I think it is a wonderful thing regardless the age difference. I think it would be nice to keep dating and exploring other opportunities. You never know what will happen when you will be 25 years, 30 years. Tell us what Bill thinks about this situation? Does he tell you that he loves you and wants to marry you? Doe he has kids? How old are his children?
wizer Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 He's the pervert... If in fact he has feelings for you. I'm a 30 year old female and wouldn't want to be with a 55 year old man. Well that's you. Not everyone shares the same value system. It doesn't make him the pervert anymore than it makes you a prude.
brok3npromise Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Well that's you. Not everyone shares the same value system. It doesn't make him the pervert anymore than it makes you a prude. So the fact she is only 17 and he's 55 is no concern at all? I would be concerned if a 55 year was wanting to see my 17 year old daughter 4
54JA Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I think it's good for her to hear from different people/both sides of the argument. I agree with Amalyn. I don't know what country she's from, but if she's in the US, the guy can get in serious trouble if he has sex with her. Even if she waits a few more months until she's 18, hmmm, still I don't know... I certainly do not want to generalize but I feel like today's kids mature more slowly than several generations ago (not physically, but mentally). To me, (most) 18 year-olds are still children, especially the ones that say, "but I am more mature for my age." It's not necessarily a bad thing, though. I think the age difference between two people becomes less important as they get older. The age difference between 60 something and 40 something is less significant than that between 30 something and teenagers. 6
Author alice081997 Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 What I don't understand is why all sorts of relationships are condoned - gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, etc because everyone has to "be yourself". 50 Shades has now made BDSM mainstream. But older man/young girl is just wrong and everyone has the right to tell you that. What if I tell gay people that they're "just wrong", is that OK? And I am 18 August first. As far as abuse goes, please. I have heard and read so much about same age relationships ending in beatings, drugging, rape, unwanted pregnancies, STDs, false promises, lies and false hopes etc. Can it get any worse? Look at Bristol Palin, now pregnant for the second time from some jerk. How are those socially acceptable same age relationships going for her and the five kids she'll end up having from five different daddies? Seeing how often the older man/younger girl thing comes up in fiction, I wonder if most woman haven't secretly had these feelings but maybe just didn't act on them. They have to live it out in fiction. Or maybe I just notice those stories more because that's how I feel??
kendahke Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 When I was in my 20's, I briefly had a fling with a guy in his 50's. I couldn't get past how his skin felt. Totally turned me off to dating men more than 15 years older than me. Now that I"m 55, I still would feel that way with a guy in his 70's. I cut off the age range at 64 on my dating profile. We can be friends all day long, but uh uh to sex...
elaine567 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 YOU have fixated on Bill as there is no-one else available in your life, no other man is giving you the time of day, or you have "daddy" issues. What does Bill have to say about this? 2
PogoStick Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Alice. It's socially taboo, like it or not. You don't have to listen or care what others think, that's up to you. Understand that women are little princesses and men are devils. As they get older they turn into super-devils. Every older man is like Bill Cosby. I believe if you end up with the right older man there is plenty of positive that can come of it for you. The big problem is that you have zero experience in dating and relationships where he has some 35 years. It puts you in real danger of being taken advantage of. If you were 30, and he was 55, that's still a huge age difference, but you'd at least have the experience to judge his character and protect yourself. In your current situation, you don't have that luxury so you're relying on pure luck to take care of you.
Lokin4AReason Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 live your life at how you want and desire ... only you know at what you want at this point in time in your life beside(s) that, its just a table of opinion(s) and insight, a mixed review on the subject ... all I have to say, is be careful in either direction you want to processed w/ this ... its not only your feeling(s), but his also
GorillaTheater Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 What does Bill have to say about this? My guess is that he's pleased to have a nice, well-spoken young lady for a neighbor who can talk about subjects he's interested in, because he likely feels that's rare enough among his students who are slightly older. He's around attractive young women all day, and if he's a decent guy he's not looking at them as potential partners, just as he's likely not looking at you as a potential partner. My question is what would your dad say about this. As a 53 year-old man with four daughters, I can tell you what I would say about this, in your dad's shoes. 3
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