John Derrick Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Met this girl through mutual friends. She showed the first sign of interest. We've spent a good amount of time together, mostly with our mutual friends but at certain points just the two of us. Her ex had cheated on her and broke up with her about five months ago, but suddenly tried to come back around (unsuccessfully). Anyways, she's only really been comfortable hanging out with at least our other couple friends. We haven't gone on a one on one date, but we've gotten physical at the end of others. No sex. More recently, I've tried to get her to do something one on on. This is when she admitted that she hasn't fully healed and wants more time, but still wants to spend time with our group together. She says she likes me, but isn't ready for anything serious and wants to keep it as is. Fearing the possibility of being a type of rebound, I told her we can still hang out, but we can't "mess around" anymore. That upset her and she said I can see other girls, but she still want to spend time together. I said no again to which she says she would like to go on a date, but needs just a little more time. My response was when she feels like she's at that point then to let me know. My question is did I handle this right? I really like her and really believe that she's being honest. But I was worried that if I caved and said sure we can keep doing what we've been doing then I'd just be the rebound. I want to keep contact, but at a distance only to maintain some interest. I do talk to other girls, but I really like this one so. Obviously it isn't an ideal situation, but I want to make sure I play it right to maybe things happen in the future. Any advice would be awesome!
Vintage79 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 You're fine - you held your ground and made it known what you want. I don't think it was too tough, and regardless, it's already done, so you can't worry about it too much.
kendahke Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Met this girl through mutual friends. She showed the first sign of interest. We've spent a good amount of time together, mostly with our mutual friends but at certain points just the two of us. Her ex had cheated on her and broke up with her about five months ago, but suddenly tried to come back around (unsuccessfully). Anyways, she's only really been comfortable hanging out with at least our other couple friends. We haven't gone on a one on one date, but we've gotten physical at the end of others. No sex. More recently, I've tried to get her to do something one on on. This is when she admitted that she hasn't fully healed and wants more time, but still wants to spend time with our group together. She says she likes me, but isn't ready for anything serious and wants to keep it as is. Fearing the possibility of being a type of rebound, I told her we can still hang out, but we can't "mess around" anymore. That upset her and she said I can see other girls, but she still want to spend time together. I said no again to which she says she would like to go on a date, but needs just a little more time. My response was when she feels like she's at that point then to let me know. My question is did I handle this right? I really like her and really believe that she's being honest. But I was worried that if I caved and said sure we can keep doing what we've been doing then I'd just be the rebound. I want to keep contact, but at a distance only to maintain some interest. I do talk to other girls, but I really like this one so. Obviously it isn't an ideal situation, but I want to make sure I play it right to maybe things happen in the future. Any advice would be awesome! Yes. You handled it perfectly. Absolutely no more messing around because you run the risk of your heart being put through the grinder. She's not at the place where she can't be talked back into that relationship with her ex. Stranger things have happened between ex couples. If she isn't ready for anything serious, then she's out of those woods yet. Her being upset that you wouldn't mess around with her is telling. Don't allow her to use you to rebuild her sense of self--that needs to be done on her own as it's her heavy lifting to do as far as her own sense of value is concerned. What you are asking for, under normal circumstances, is not unreasonable. It is for her because she's not in the place where she can bear that request. Proceed with caution with her--in fact, yeah, see her only around friends, keep her as an option for now and date others as well.
Author John Derrick Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 Thanks for the comments. Yeah, it's definitely not been easy because I do like her but I feel it's better to stop now and risk it being worse later on. I also wondered how backing off and denying her attention would affect her level of attraction. My hope is it'll be beneficial since I'm not caving just to please her. Maybe she would respect that more. But who knows.
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