Post Breakup needed

[ApplesnGrapes]

My ex and I had a four-year relationship, and we met during college.

We both lived off campus together and became inseparable. We shared lots of inside jokes with each other, shared interests, and knew each other well. We both knew each other's families well, and even our parents had the opportunity to get to know each other. It felt like an engagement was in order soon.

 

However, this is not to say that everything went smoothly in those four years. After graduation, we went through one year of long distance. Because we knew each other so well, she hinted three years into the relationship that she was becoming bored. Two years into the relationship, I attempted to to have sex with another woman. However, the actual cheating never occurred. At that time, she suspected something was happening, and, ever since then, I had lost her trust. She broke up with me after then. I was hoping that, by telling her these details (in which a lesson had been learned on my behalf), we would be able to progress through our relationship. However, my decision completely backfired and she stone-cold broke up with me, restricting communication since.

 

What hurts is that before the breakup, I had referred my friend to her place for housing since she needed four new tenants. Instead of helping me resolve the conflict peacefully, my friend decides to help her get over me and even blocked me from attempting to talk things out with her. I soon discovered that his objective was to win her for himself, telling her "I want you to be my girl."

 

My ex knew that him and I were good friends, so initially she made it clear to me that she had no interest in him. Later on it was apparent through social media that she was becoming more receptive of him, and now they seem to be getting closer and closer. They were going on dinner dates and even started to attend events that both her and I used to enjoy together.

 

I know that she is hiding this new relationship to protect my feelings and to protect her image. Like I mentioned, she's planning to wait till people are more familiar and receptive towards this new guy in her life before she makes this relationship public. She did this exact thing for me. We had so many mutual friends, but for some reason, they all have decided to support her and now she has a strong support group.

 

It has been about 10 months since the break up and I made the mistake of begging her the first month. I felt desperation, heartache, and depressed. Since then, I've done no contact, only breaking it recently for some of my belongings in which she returned. I bumped into her at a store about two months ago, and at first she shook and looked startled. I made her laugh with an inside joke, kept the conversation short to one or two lines and said bye to avoid scaring her. I want to note that I feel like I've made much progress since the breakup. I am hurting much less and able to think more clearly and carry on with my daily routine.

 

The problem is, I still want her back... and I hate my "friend" so much for what he has done. From what it seems right now, she's over me and has become more receptive to this new guy. More and more of our mutual friends have met him. What are the chances of this rebound lasting long term?... I know this is a rebound relationship because before we broke up, she used to hate his egotistic personality and how he would step over me. He is three years younger than her (something which her parents hate), and she is aware that they both may not work out in terms of location after graduation. Because of their career paths, they will be living miles apart, and the guy may perhaps even moving back to Taiwan with his family after this coming year.

 

I want to open the floor to anyone who has good advice for my situation.

 

For those reading my story, please do not make the same mistakes I made. Stay loyal to your significant other, understand your friends views on boundaries, and understand that no contact is absolutely crucial in increasing your chances of getting back together.

Edited July 20, 2015 by ApplesnGrapes

[aloneinaz]

My friend, re-read what you wrote. To me, your relationship ran it's course. You indicated she was bored and you all but tried to cheat on her, having sex w/someone else. Those are NOT terrific signs of a healthy, happy relationship. When she found out about your potential cheating, she had a firm reason to end it though it sounds like she had emotionally checked out long before that happened.

 

 

My advice, MOVE ON.. It was how long ago that you broke up? 10 months? Are you dating others now? If not, how come? I have to share that it's concerning that you're so invested in what she's doing by stalking social media or other means. It's really non of your business like what you're doing is non of hers.

 

 

Seriously, that relationship ran it's course. You have to question why you want this person back that you were willing to cheat on? There's millions of women out there, find someone new. Clearly, she has no intention of getting back to you.

 

 

Last thing, I'll play devils advocate.. You get back together. What happens when the newness wears off and ALL THE SAME CRAP starts again? That's what will happen.