Guy I'm dating told me we are moving too fast before sex but we've already had sex?!

July 30, 2015

RH, I think you are reading way too much into his behavior and assigning meaning to it that just isn't there....not from what I have seen anyway.

Relationships (in the early stages) are like a carefully choreographed dance, it is not uncommon for one or both to pull back, come forward, rinse, repeat...until things gel all the way.

All of my long term relationships were this way in the beginning, even my current!

Rose, jmo again but I think you should get off this thread, follow your boyfriend's lead for bit, stop over-thinking ....let things happen gradually and naturally, spend some time outside the bedroom (as he expressed a desire to do.....and frankly good for him for doing so!), and just relax and enjoy!

My two cents.

Sorry, I don't buy it when a man pulls away for two months . . . that's over the top and selfish. A month, maybe, and not if it happens after only two months. A man may pull away for a bit after say 6 months and enter a period of uncertainty and then come back more focused and sure of what he wants. And, the effect he is having on HER is more telling than anything. This guy is perhaps doing a little bit of "rubberbanding" and that's OK to some degree, but he shouldn't been doing it so often and after a huge "caving" scenario. It's over the top and not a normal response. Yes, "healthy" men do a little of this. This guy has issues bigger than both of them.

I doubt that you would tolerate a man disappearing for two months and then "take him back" after only knowing him for a couple of months. I'd be pissed off and untrusting of him. She is and that's the reason she's here. She shouldn't trust him.

July 30, 2015

This man will pull away and each time will come back strong and then fade away again. He's only doing this now, for a while. It will go away again and again. Eventually, he will fade out of your life completely without a word.

2 month break -- In a 5 month period? You don't know him yet really. And he's showing you who he is right away. Pulling away sexually is pulling away.

I just sometimes get confused about things (like any normal person) and come on here to get some clarity and opinions. -- You are confused for a reason -- he's inconsistent and confused himself. This is not going to be a fun "relationship" for you.

And, you are seeking clarity and opinions and getting them, yet you continue to basically ask the same questions.

You are waiting for the one post that will tell you to proceed and be all in with this guy -- that he's the one. I doubt anyone will tell you that.

He kept telling me it's for the best and that he doesn't want to make me feel rejected and unloved. But, he is making you feel that way.

I did not "express my needs" to him -- You did tell him you needed more time with him. So, now, he's doing that a little more until . . . he can't anymore. He knew you were upset about not seeing him enough. He doesn't want conflict, so he'll do it for a while until he thinks you're satisfied and then stop doing it again. He could be pulling away and I don't even realize it -- that is how it happens sometimes -- gradually, under the radar.
Pay attention.

I really don't know what to do anymore. -- Yes, you do know what to do.

You are doing too much "work" in this relationship already. He's doing what's easiest and best for him and will always to that.

Focus on you and what you need for a relationship. He isn't delivering this already. It should be easier than this at this point. If you were way down the road in a relationship with him and something like this was going on, sure, I'd put a little effort into it, but not now. Find someone who is fun to be with and clearly wants to be with you on all levels. In the time you've spent posting about this guy, you could have had a couple of other nice dates with more potential . . . Move on from this one. I'm telling you from a place of experience and age and education. I've seen it all and can spot em from a mile away.

He didn't "pull away" before the break nor after. I was the one who initiated our break and it wasn't based on any change in his behavior. I was the one who actually pulled away and said I can't be with him anymore. I couldn't accept the fact that he didn't want more with me stupidly after a month and half (not even) despite him saying I just need to give him more time. I didn't want to do it so I ended it. He was the one who reached out and tried again and the 2 months apart made me realize that you cannot expect someone to just jump into a relationship which is why I am far less pushy than first time around.

I do not need a post to tell me to do anything. I came on here asking people to interpret what he said to me regarding putting off sex and everyone told me to talk it out with him, which I proceeded to do and then I came on here and just updated on what happened. A lot of people were recommending that I be honest and open and I did it. I don't need someone to tell me if he's the one or not. I'm smart enough to know that at this stage it's impossible to say.

I told him we need more time together after he expressed his concerns to me which were that we need more time outside the bedroom. Once again I do not know if people are reading wrong but he was the one who came to me and said HE wants to spend more time with me non sexually. Not the other way around. Me saying we need to spend more time together was as a result of the issue he brought up.

I'm not sure if people aren't reading what I actually write of if they are confusing my story with someone else's or just not paying attention but he is initiating almost everything (So no I'm not doing all the work!), HE suggested we spend more time together first and he has never stopped doing anything! He has never "pulled away" before on his own.

I have tons of fun with this guy and I don't see his behavior implies he doesn't want me. As he explained he simply doesn't want our relationship to just be about sex. That was what this whole dilemma was about and he cleared it up quite a bit for me. If he didn't want me then why does he so badly want to spend time with me and stay in contact with me depsite knowing sex isn't on the cards? I'm sorry but that just doesn't make any sense to me.

If he truly doesn't like me at all then surely he would just get up and leave. He has had time since February to do that yet he has always sticked around. Even when I left him and said we're done he reached out and has consistently been making a effort to see me and talk to me. This doesn't sound like a guy who has no interest in me. I've had a few guys in my life now who weren't interested in me and pulled away. I know what pulling away looks like. I've been hurt that way several times before BADLY. So I have things to compare it to and this time around I just don't see it.

Edited July 30, 2015 by RoseHeart

July 30, 2015

Rose, jmo but I think your reading this thread and all the various spins on the situation is what is confusing you more.... and giving you doubts.

You are (were) happy, he's happy, expressed an interest in spending more quality time OUTSIDE the bedroom ....it's all good.

So pull back on all the sex, let HIM initiate, give him space to miss you ...maintain your independence ......and enjoy!

Let things unfold gradually and naturally ... NO pushing, sexually or otherwise.

Stop over-thinking everything!

Jus relax and enjoy.

Good luck hon, keep us posted.

Yeah I am feeling quite better in terms of the situation now. I have had time to process things and by the hour I am feeling better. We texted earlier and we sorted out our plans for tomorrow so I'm actually getting excited now and my negative feelings are slowly going away. I will definitely not be pushing sexually anymore and will tell him tomorrow that I respect his wishes. You are right... it has to be more natural. Thanks for the advice

July 30, 2015

Sorry, I don't buy it when a man pulls away for two months . . . that's over the top and selfish. A month, maybe, and not if it happens after only two months. A man may pull away for a bit after say 6 months and enter a period of uncertainty and then come back more focused and sure of what he wants. And, the effect he is having on HER is more telling than anything. This guy is perhaps doing a little bit of "rubberbanding" and that's OK to some degree, but he shouldn't been doing it so often and after a huge "caving" scenario. It's over the top and not a normal response. Yes, "healthy" men do a little of this. This guy has issues bigger than both of them.

I doubt that you would tolerate a man disappearing for two months and then "take him back" after only knowing him for a couple of months. I'd be pissed off and untrusting of him. She is and that's the reason she's here. She shouldn't trust him.

I hope my post above to you will clear up that you actually have it the other way around as he did not pull away from me. I ended it with him. If he was the one who pulled away I would not have stayed around. I can't tolerate that kind of behavior. Thanks for all your advice though too.

July 30, 2015

Sorry, I don't buy it when a man pulls away for two months . . . that's over the top and selfish. A month, maybe, and not if it happens after only two months. A man may pull away for a bit after say 6 months and enter a period of uncertainty and then come back more focused and sure of what he wants. And, the effect he is having on HER is more telling than anything. This guy is perhaps doing a little bit of "rubberbanding" and that's OK to some degree, but he shouldn't been doing it so often and after a huge "caving" scenario. It's over the top and not a normal response. Yes, "healthy" men do a little of this. This guy has issues bigger than both of them.

I doubt that you would tolerate a man disappearing for two months and then "take him back" after only knowing him for a couple of months. I'd be pissed off and untrusting of him. She is and that's the reason she's here. She shouldn't trust him.

I dunno RH, but you seem hung up on certain timelines, and if things happen or don't happen within those arbitrary timelines, he's out.

For example, in your post you say it's NOT okay for a man to pull away after two months, but understandable after six months....but only for one month, needing two months to figure stuff out is too long, over the top and selfish.

Every person/couple is different and as such will have their own timelines, and should operate within those timelines that are comfortable to "them.". There is no wrong or right with respect to that IMO.

Rose was comfortable with the two month distance, he came back stronger, wanting to spend more time with her, who is anyone else to say that is *wrong,* and she should not trust him because it!

But according to you, if he had pulled away after SIX months for only ONE month, THAT is understandable?

No wonder Rose is confused after reading all these posts.

"The course of true love never did run smooth." -- William Shakespeare.

Anyhoo Red, as always we can agree to disagree.

Edited July 30, 2015 by katiegrl

July 30, 2015

Yeah I am feeling quite better in terms of the situation now. I have had time to process things and by the hour I am feeling better. We texted earlier and we sorted out our plans for tomorrow so I'm actually getting excited now and my negative feelings are slowly going away. I will definitely not be pushing sexually anymore and will tell him tomorrow that I respect his wishes. You are right... it has to be more natural. Thanks for the advice

Fabulous!! . Glad to hear it!

And have fun tomorrow! :bunny:

July 30, 2015

Our biggest issue here is we do not see each other enough. Even though we met in beginning February we likely have not been spending as much together as I think we have. This is why I have not been pushy for us to be in a relationship. I realize our time together is not all that much.

You are not the bad guy here....you have expectations that are not being met. So instead of feeling guilty for wanting what you want....stop seeing him and find someone who does fulfill your needs. Does that not make sense?

I went through the same thing. I maybe saw my him once or twice a week, and that is all he could set aside for me.....after a month of this I dumped him. Best decision I ever made.

July 30, 2015

He didn't "pull away" before the break nor after. I was the one who initiated our break and it wasn't based on any change in his behavior. I was the one who actually pulled away and said I can't be with him anymore. I couldn't accept the fact that he didn't want more with me stupidly after a month and half (not even) despite him saying I just need to give him more time. I didn't want to do it so I ended it. He was the one who reached out and tried again and the 2 months apart made me realize that you cannot expect someone to just jump into a relationship which is why I am far less pushy than first time around.

I do not need a post to tell me to do anything. I came on here asking people to interpret what he said to me regarding putting off sex and everyone told me to talk it out with him, which I proceeded to do and then I came on here and just updated on what happened. A lot of people were recommending that I be honest and open and I did it. I don't need someone to tell me if he's the one or not. I'm smart enough to know that at this stage it's impossible to say.

I told him we need more time together after he expressed his concerns to me which were that we need more time outside the bedroom. Once again I do not know if people are reading wrong but he was the one who came to me and said HE wants to spend more time with me non sexually. Not the other way around. Me saying we need to spend more time together was as a result of the issue he brought up.

I'm not sure if people aren't reading what I actually write of if they are confusing my story with someone else's or just not paying attention but he is initiating almost everything (So no I'm not doing all the work!), HE suggested we spend more time together first and he has never stopped doing anything! He has never "pulled away" before on his own.

I have tons of fun with this guy and I don't see his behavior implies he doesn't want me. As he explained he simply doesn't want our relationship to just be about sex. That was what this whole dilemma was about and he cleared it up quite a bit for me. If he didn't want me then why does he so badly want to spend time with me and stay in contact with me depsite knowing sex isn't on the cards? I'm sorry but that just doesn't make any sense to me.

If he truly doesn't like me at all then surely he would just get up and leave. He has had time since February to do that yet he has always sticked around. Even when I left him and said we're done he reached out and has consistently been making a effort to see me and talk to me. This doesn't sound like a guy who has no interest in me. I've had a few guys in my life now who weren't interested in me and pulled away. I know what pulling away looks like. I've been hurt that way several times before BADLY. So I have things to compare it to and this time around I just don't see it.

I didn't say he had no interest in you. He does have some interest in you. However, it's entirely too much drama no matter which one of you pulled away for 2 months.

Just sit back and continue to observe if you want to see how it will unfold. Pay careful attention to his words and actions. If he throws out any "disclaimers", pay heed to them. Disclaimers are what emotionally unavailable men throw out to a woman to keep her at bay if he senses she's getting too close. Giving up sexual intimacy is something they will do for a while if that is the case. And, it appears that that did happen here. He wanted to slow things down . . . he wants you to slow down. You slow down, he feels more comfortable and comes to you more until you start feeling more comfortable and coming at him more. If this dance continues for a while, it's not likely to change, that's all.

I'm just trying to give you the whole picture about emotionally unavailable men so that you can evaluate effectively.

If your gut is correct, time will tell. Just manage your emotions and expectations for a while. Let him lead and see how he's making you feel. Don't get into his head, don't analyze or make excuses for him. Either it's working for you or it's not.

July 30, 2015

You are not the bad guy here....you have expectations that are not being met. So instead of feeling guilty for wanting what you want....stop seeing him and find someone who does fulfill your needs. Does that not make sense?

I went through the same thing. I maybe saw my him once or twice a week, and that is all he could set aside for me.....after a month of this I dumped him. Best decision I ever made.

Oh for the love of all things beautiful, will people please read ALL the OP's posts... and let her and her boyfriend just "be"?

She came here concerned about ONE comment he made....he clarified that for her by saying he would like to spend more quality time outside the bedroom.

NOT spend less time with her...MORE time with her actually. As she stated in her posts numerous times. Just less focus on sex, which given how she was constantly pushing for it, his request is understandable.

After thinking about it, she understands it too and is totally cool with it.

She's happy, he's happy ....now let them be to enjoy their RL.

My opinion......

Edited July 30, 2015 by katiegrl

July 30, 2015

Oh for the love of all things beautiful, will people please read ALL the OP's posts... and let her and her boyfriend just "be"?

She said he is not her "boyfriend" and that is probably one of the reasons people are taking most of this as negatives.

July 30, 2015

She said he is not her "boyfriend" and that is probably one of the reasons people are taking most of this as negatives.

I don't think it matters what anyone calls him....titles don't mean much in my world.

I think people often assign the term "boyfriend" (or "girlfriend) for lack of a better word to describe a man or woman someone is dating. . and people assign too much meaning to the "word" which isn't meant to be there.

Anyway, I don't see any glaring indication here that he is not to be trusted, or deserves to be dumped.

I still say let them be, let them make mistakes, learn from those mistakes, and figure stuff out "together" on their own timeline.

If it doesn't work out in the end, so be it.

After reading the OP's latter posts (in response to RH), she seems sensible and intelligent enough to accurately assess his behavior and respond and act accordingly.

Uncertainty and some ambivalence is so normal in these early stages, which is all this is...in my opinion and based on experience.

July 30, 2015

Oh for the love of all things beautiful, will people please read ALL the OP's posts... and let her and her boyfriend just "be"?

She came here concerned about ONE comment he made....he clarified that for her by saying he would like to spend more quality time outside the bedroom.

NOT spend less time with her...MORE time with her actually. As she stated in her posts numerous times. Just less focus on sex, which given how she was constantly pushing for it, his request is understandable.

After thinking about it, she understands it too and is totally cool with it.

She's happy, he's happy ....now let them be to enjoy their RL.

My opinion......

- I hear you Katie..... they are together and everything else is going well, so one might take it as simply an offhanded remark...... everybody makes offhanded remarks once in a blue moon.

But this may actually be a little more serious.... for him to tell her she's moving too fast in the heat of the moment when she's making a move, that's a huge rejection, and it might be the beginning of the end, I'm afraid.

The answer is on the front page.... she said he has problems with anxiety.... and also does drugs in an attempt to cope. There is a dealbreaker here - he's crazy.

If you want a happy and healthy relationship that can last, you need a sane partner for best results. Love and sex are not enough. Do not pass "Go", do not collect $100.00

July 30, 2015

He's a very insecure guy. That's pretty much the biggest hang up he has. He also has anxiety issues that has caused him to turn to unhealthy habits such as excessive pot smoking. He's not religious but he seems to take sex seriously.

***He has told me many times he can't just have sex with a girl on the side and isn't like other guys who can just hook up with different girls all the time. ***

So there's definitely a emotional hang up there for him but I do not understand why it would be a issue for him now:confused:

Gary, is this ^^ the post you were referring to?

Do you know how many people suffer from anxiety and who are insecure?

Do all those people deserve to be dumped because of it?

How about the positive things, like he not the type of guy who enjoys having sex with random girls, which the OP interpreted as a negative (an emotional hangup?), but is actually a positive! (Quote in asterisk above).

I think most of this negative thinking the OP is experiencing comes from within her OWN head, as opposed to anything he is necessarily doing, or not doing.

That is why I advised her to relax and STOP over-thinking which she has begun to do, and feels much better!

Edited July 30, 2015 by katiegrl

July 30, 2015

I don't think it matters what anyone calls him....titles don't mean much in my world.

Have you read the history of this relationship?

I think people often assign the term "boyfriend" (or "girlfriend) for lack of a better word to describe a man or woman someone is dating. . and people assign too much meaning to the "word" which isn't meant to be there.

believe me I don't care about titles but if you find yourself in a relationship with a person who makes alot of effort to MAKE SURE you don't think he's your BOYFRIEND you are not taking care of yourself if you deny that this is happening.

Anyway, I don't see any glaring indication here that he is not to be trusted, or deserves to be dumped.

I don't have anything bad to say about this guy from what I have read, but I definitely get the clear impression that the OP is spinning her wheels in the situation

July 30, 2015

Have you read the history of this relationship?

believe me I don't care about titles but if you find yourself in a relationship with a person who makes alot of effort to MAKE SURE you don't think he's your BOYFRIEND you are not taking care of yourself if you deny that this is happening.

I don't have anything bad to say about this guy from what I have read, but I definitely get the clear impression that the OP is spinning her wheels in the situation

I am only going on what I read in this thread.

And yes I agree, SHE is spinning her wheels, but I don't necessarily agree that is HIS fault.

It sounds like she has her own share of anxiety which is causing her to over-think and become confused...insecure, reading too much into things, etc.

But is getting a handle on that anxiety which she admitted in one of her last posts...and has calmed down and is looking forward to their date tomorrow!

July 30, 2015

Gary, is this ^^ the post you were referring to?

Do you know how many people suffer from anxiety and who are insecure?

Do all those people deserve to be dumped because of it?

How about the positive things, like he not the type of guy who enjoys having sex with random girls, which the OP interpreted as a negative (an emotional hangup?), but is actually a positive! (Quote in asterisk above).

I think most of this negative thinking the OP is experiencing comes from within her OWN head, as opposed to anything he is necessarily doing, or not doing.

That is why I advised her to relax and STOP over-thinking which she has begun to do, and feels much better!

It's not a matter of whether the person deserves to be dumped. It's a matter of whether they are capable of meeting another persons needs. And, if they actually want to have a real relationship with someone, it's is their responsibility to do what is needed to make them be able to do it. It is not up to nor should another person be their helper, counselor, nurse, confidant especially early in a relationship.

The other person does not take all those issues into account and "give" them what they need in the hopes/attempt to help them be a good partner at the expense of their own needs. A person shouldn't do this so early in a relationship. If it were an established relationship with "legs", I'd say, sure give a little. But not now. I don't concede my needs for anyone really, let a lone someone I don't know very well at all.

What does she know about his previous relationships? Did these "issues" exist then as well? She needs to learn more about him in order to make an evaluation. Why did those relationships end?

If a man wasn't meeting my needs early in a relationship and had "issues" to work out, I wasn't waiting around for him to figure it out nor would I be hanging in the wings and giving up what I need from them.

She was right to take the 2 month break in this case apparently because there was already stuff going on. And, she can take him back, of course. She just needs to monitor whether he's effectively addressing his "issues" going forward.

I'm glad she's feeling better and yes, she should stop analyzing him and the relationship so much. Take the information she's received here and weigh them against what she's dealing with in the "real" life situation until it all gets clearer for her. Some of the information will apply for her and some will not. But she's armed with information about several possible scenarios and can make an informed decision for herself and knows what to watch out for. She doesn't need to dwell on all this. If any of it applies, it will come to light naturally.

July 30, 2015

Gary, is this ^^ the post you were referring to?

Do you know how many people suffer from anxiety and who are insecure?

Do all those people deserve to be dumped because of it?

How about the positive things, like he not the type of guy who enjoys having sex with random girls, which the OP interpreted as a negative (an emotional hangup?), but is actually a positive! (Quote in asterisk above).

I think most of this negative thinking the OP is experiencing comes from within her OWN head, as opposed to anything he is necessarily doing, or not doing.

That is why I advised her to relax and STOP over-thinking which she has begun to do, and feels much better!

- Yes, that was the post I was referring to.

You're right, it's not fair, but that's life, that's reality.

A sane man would not reject a woman like that in the heat of passion... the problem is, that rejection will make her love level go down.... and if it continues to happen, she may fall out of love with him. I'm just sayin' - he's a very bad bet for a relationship.

I wish everybody was great relationship material, but that's just not reality. And believe me, it pains me to say it. But somebody has to have the nerve to stick their neck out and say what's politically not correct.

July 30, 2015

It's not a matter of whether the person deserves to be dumped. It's a matter of whether they are capable of meeting another persons needs. And, if they actually want to have a real relationship with someone, it's is their responsibility to do what is needed to make them be able to do it. It is not up to nor should another person be their helper, counselor, nurse, confidant especially early in a relationship.

The other person does not take all those issues into account and "give" them what they need in the hopes/attempt to help them be a good partner at the expense of their own needs. A person shouldn't do this so early in a relationship. If it were an established relationship with "legs", I'd say, sure give a little. But not now. I don't concede my needs for anyone really, let a lone someone I don't know very well at all.

What does she know about his previous relationships? Did these "issues" exist then as well? She needs to learn more about him in order to make an evaluation. Why did those relationships end?

If a man wasn't meeting my needs early in a relationship and had "issues" to work out, I wasn't waiting around for him to figure it out nor would I be hanging in the wings and giving up what I need from them.

She was right to take the 2 month break in this case apparently because there was already stuff going on. And, she can take him back, of course. She just needs to monitor whether he's effectively addressing his "issues" going forward.

****I'm glad she's feeling better and yes, she should stop analyzing him and the relationship so much. Take the information she's received here and weigh them against what she's dealing with in the "real" life situation until it all gets clearer for her. Some of the information will apply for her and some will not. But she's armed with information about several possible scenarios and can make an informed decision for herself and knows what to watch out for. She doesn't need to dwell on all this. If any of it applies, it will come to light naturally.***

Agree, especially last paragraph. Finally, a meeting of the minds! :bunny:

July 30, 2015

- Yes, that was the post I was referring to.

You're right, it's not fair, but that's life, that's reality.

**A sane man would not reject a woman like that in the heat of passion..***

. the problem is, that rejection will make her love level go down.... and if it continues to happen, she may fall out of love with him. I'm just sayin' - he's a very bad bet for a relationship.

I wish everybody was great relationship material, but that's just not reality. And believe me, it pains me to say it. But somebody has to have the nerve to stick their neck out and say what's politically not correct.

First off I did not read where she said they were in the "heat of passion" when he made that comment. It would appear that was your own spin.

And would you clarify the quote in asterisk? So the guy is insane now for wanting to spend more time with her outside the bedroom ... and less focused on sex, sex, sex?

Wow, a guy is really damned if he does and damned if he doesn't....

Edited July 30, 2015 by katiegrl

July 30, 2015

Smarty-pants! Sometimes Katie, I think you just like to argue with me... If I said the sky was blue, you'd say, "No, it's Indigo!" lol! I'll admit I like arguing with you my friend, and I don't even like arguing.... but I digress

Well, maybe it was at the beginning of the heat of passion?! She said she was initiating sex.

When someone says "Don't you think you are moving too fast", that's indicative of somebody who is either on the rebound and temporarily crazy, or someone permanently crazy. What part of "He's crazy" don't ya git?! If the person is sane and in love (and yes, they have been dating long enough to be in love), lots of sex is not too fast, it's normal.

And if he were a sane man, he could have just gently lead her in the direction of more dating, and asked her out on a date if that's what he wants. I mean really?! Seriously?!

Edited July 30, 2015 by Gary S

July 30, 2015

Smarty-pants! Sometimes Katie, I think you just like to argue with me... If I said the sky was blue, you'd say, "No, it's Indigo!" lol! I'll admit I like arguing with you my friend, and I don't even like arguing.... but I digress

Well, maybe it was at the beginning of the heat of passion?! She said she was initiating sex.

***When someone says "Don't you think you are moving too fast", that's indicative of somebody who is either on the rebound and temporarily crazy, or someone permanently crazy. ***

What part of "He's crazy" don't ya git?! If the person is sane and in love (and yes, they have been dating long enough to be in love), lots of sex is not too fast, it's normal.

And if he were a sane man, he could have just gently lead her in the direction of more dating, and asked her out on a date. I mean really?! Seriously?!

Lol, quote in asterisk, well it's confirmed. katiegrl is permanently crazy, as she (*I*) said this same exact thing to her/my boyfriend when we first started dating! :bunny:

Unlike the OP though, boyfriend didn't get all bent up about it, analyzing it to the nth degree, etc, .... he simply backed off some....and all was cool!

Again, you think the guy is insane because he did not react or respond in the same way YOU would have reacted and responded in the same situation?

And no I actually do not enjoy arguing, with you or anyone, but when I disagree, I am gonna say so....

Still luv ya though my friend....nothing will ever change that....

July 30, 2015

He is the one who came to me and say he wants to spend time with me in a non sexual way.

I have never, ever had a man say this to me.

I am not sure what it means -- perhaps he just wants to be friends or perhaps this is the start of pulling back -- but I can't imagine a 22 yo guy asking for less sex.

July 30, 2015

I have never, ever had a man say this to me.

I am not sure what it means -- perhaps he just wants to be friends or perhaps this is the start of pulling back -- but I can't imagine a 22 yo guy asking for less sex.

Did you actually read why he said that or did you only read that one sentence?

But let me summarize:

He said he doesn't want our entire relationship to just be based off sex. He said he isn't just interested in being physical with me all the time and that I only seem to care about having sex with him.

July 30, 2015

- I hear you Katie..... they are together and everything else is going well, so one might take it as simply an offhanded remark...... everybody makes offhanded remarks once in a blue moon.

But this may actually be a little more serious.... for him to tell her she's moving too fast in the heat of the moment when she's making a move, that's a huge rejection, and it might be the beginning of the end, I'm afraid.

The answer is on the front page.... she said he has problems with anxiety.... and also does drugs in an attempt to cope. There is a dealbreaker here - he's crazy.

If you want a happy and healthy relationship that can last, you need a sane partner for best results. Love and sex are not enough. Do not pass "Go", do not collect $100.00

- Yes, that was the post I was referring to.

You're right, it's not fair, but that's life, that's reality.

A sane man would not reject a woman like that in the heat of passion... the problem is, that rejection will make her love level go down.... and if it continues to happen, she may fall out of love with him. I'm just sayin' - he's a very bad bet for a relationship.

I wish everybody was great relationship material, but that's just not reality. And believe me, it pains me to say it. But somebody has to have the nerve to stick their neck out and say what's politically not correct.

You're right... it did feel like a huge rejection. He got very upset when I told him I felt really rejected and told me it was not how he meant it. He comforted me and told me he doesn't want me to feel rejected and he talked kindly to me about the situation which has built my confidence up.

He has flaws absolutely. But he also has many good points. He's a good guy overall and I've never thought of him as a player or cheater or someone who is bad. I guess it's easy to forget the good parts of him when I'm only on here saying the "bad" things. I myself have many flaws too and am trying to work on them. I would hate for someone to abandon me just because of these flaws that I'm working on. I can't just leave him right now.

July 30, 2015

Did you actually read why he said that or did you only read that one sentence?

But let me summarize:
He said he doesn't want our entire relationship to just be based off sex. He said he isn't just interested in being physical with me all the time and that I only seem to care about having sex with him.

And I actually applaud him for that...no matter how young/old he is.

Let's flip this around.

What if it was her boyfriend who only seemed to care about having sex, and Rose was the one who asked him to slow down -- that she did not want their RL be all about sex.

I wonder how posters would be responding in that case. Would probably advise her to dump him for THAT - accusing HIM of only wanting sex!

But in THIS case, it's HER that is only wanting sex (or so it would appear) and her boyfriend is the one who wants to slow that down a bit.

You STILL advise her to dump him because he asked her to slow it down and wants MORE than just sex!

Jest can't win on this board sometimes.....

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Guy I'm dating told me we are moving too fast before sex but we've already had sex?!

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