HDnika0909 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 My ex boyfriend of 3.5 years just broke up with me 5 days ago. He said he’s not in love with me anymore and he doesn’t want to hurt me. I don’t believe him that he doesn’t love me… he just didn’t act like it. A week before the break up he said I’m the love of his life and he planned our vacation, and talked about the future, and I could feel he was in love with me. And then one day he started to act weird. He didn’t text me like he used to and talked to me strange, I thought something was going on but I didn’t think he wanted this. But he also hugged me and kissed me and gave little kisses to me all the time. Actually when he broke up with me he called me babe and love, and also hugged me and gave kisses to me. The next day after the break up we had to meet for other reasons. When I opened the door for him, he smiled at me, hugged me and gave kisses. He said he haven’t changed his mind, but there’s a chance he will, and he knows that he will regret it. He’ll go on vacation next week with his friends. He asked if he could call me then, and said he wants to meet after the vacation. He also doesn’t want to change his relationship status on facebook ( I don’t really care about it, it’s just a little strange). He asked me to text him if I get home safe on Friday. I texted him and he answered immediately that he left work earlier cause he couldn’t concentrate. That was the last time we spoke, 3 days ago. I really miss him and I don’t want this whole break up thing, and I have a feeling that he doesn’t want it either. Int he past few months we didn’t have any serios fight or problem. We spent a lot of time together, and he was the one who wanted to meet me all the time and asked me to sleep at his place. And that was the same a week before the break up. I didn’t see any signs that he’s planning to do this. That’s why I don’t believe him when he said he doesn’t love me anymore.. and he could’t say it into my eyes. It’s the worst part that I don’t understand what he wants, and why does he want it. I don’t know what to do.
Vintage79 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Don't plan on understanding it, as can't get in his head and think about it the same way he is (and keep in mind that it may not make any sense) - just cut off contact with him, and if he really wants you back, he'll come knocking - of course at that point, you have the option of rejecting him. My general view is that if someone is breaking things off after 3.5 years - well, you've given it more than a fair shot, they know what they're in for, and they're saying that they don't want it. If something was missing from the relationship, well, it would likely require some kind of challenging personal change that is unlikely to happen. In some cases there's clearly a single action that breaks up the couple, and you can occasionally work through that - but in this case you make no mention of one. I'd just take the break up for what it is (unpleasant), give yourself some time to heal, and move on.
TigerCub Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Oh so he's going on a vacation with his friends and he tells you that "he may change his mind" about the break up. And that he wants to stay in touch with you. I think he's trying to break up with you so that he's free on his vacation and he can **** around and not be a cheater. He wants a break from you and since you didn't see the signs because there weren't any and you love him and you are in shock with all of this, chances are you will take him back in a second. If someone broke up with me, I wouldn't be letting them kiss me and hug me and tell me that they haven't changed their FB status (I don't have FB - but still) and asking me to keep contact with them. I think he's just being a sneaky ass that wants to test out the break but still keep you close and be free for his vacation with his friends. 1
Redhead14 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 My ex boyfriend of 3.5 years just broke up with me 5 days ago. He said he’s not in love with me anymore and he doesn’t want to hurt me. I don’t believe him that he doesn’t love me… he just didn’t act like it. A week before the break up he said I’m the love of his life and he planned our vacation, and talked about the future, and I could feel he was in love with me. And then one day he started to act weird. He didn’t text me like he used to and talked to me strange, I thought something was going on but I didn’t think he wanted this. But he also hugged me and kissed me and gave little kisses to me all the time. Actually when he broke up with me he called me babe and love, and also hugged me and gave kisses to me. The next day after the break up we had to meet for other reasons. When I opened the door for him, he smiled at me, hugged me and gave kisses. He said he haven’t changed his mind, but there’s a chance he will, and he knows that he will regret it. He’ll go on vacation next week with his friends. He asked if he could call me then, and said he wants to meet after the vacation. He also doesn’t want to change his relationship status on facebook ( I don’t really care about it, it’s just a little strange). He asked me to text him if I get home safe on Friday. I texted him and he answered immediately that he left work earlier cause he couldn’t concentrate. That was the last time we spoke, 3 days ago. I really miss him and I don’t want this whole break up thing, and I have a feeling that he doesn’t want it either. Int he past few months we didn’t have any serios fight or problem. We spent a lot of time together, and he was the one who wanted to meet me all the time and asked me to sleep at his place. And that was the same a week before the break up. I didn’t see any signs that he’s planning to do this. That’s why I don’t believe him when he said he doesn’t love me anymore.. and he could’t say it into my eyes. It’s the worst part that I don’t understand what he wants, and why does he want it. I don’t know what to do. He said he’s not in love with me anymore -- When a man's actions and words don't match, you believe the words. The concept that a woman should go by a man's actions is about the fact that men aren't as verbal. If he isn't saying he loves you out loud but shows you things to demonstrate it, then you go by actions. But when his words tell you he doesn't love you and still does things for you, etc. it means he doesn't want to hurt you, he still treats you with respect at least. I am pretty sure that there have been some signs up to this point that you ignored/didn't want to accept. This didn't happen overnight. Just start moving on with you life and focus on yourself and your needs.
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