jetaimeposey Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Hello guys ! so here's my problem. i have been dating my bf for over a year now, when we first started dating he was the one that depends so much on me, he calls me all the time talk to me all day, he even stoped talking to his friends, then we both became so dependent on each other and we were perfectly happy.. lately, he has gone so cold, if we dont talk that doesnt bother him, same if we dont see each other. at first i was blaming him for changing, we fought all the time, it's like he doesnt care about me anymore and he doesnt seems to miss me or care about me anymore. I know he has gone cold but i also blame my self for being so dependent on him, when im with him i feel so happy, so lucky to have him, but when his not around or whe he doesnt call me, i feel so sad, depressed, alone. I feel like he can leave me at anytime, if we break up it wont bother him at all, he can replace me so easly. the thing is that i have pushed all my friends away bc of him, even my family, none of them can replace him. and i also feel so insecure, that im not good enought for him, he so thet hot-blond boy with the blue eyes and im .. im just me. Sometimes I think maybe because he is not giving me the enough attention that I need, that maybe he doesn’t make me feel beautiful or he doesn’t bring out the best in me, he doesnt do half of things that I do for him but I don’t blame him. The problem is me, and I dont wanna push him away, I dont wanna lose him. Thank you so much.
joseb Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 "i have been dating my bf for over a year now, when we first started dating he was the one that depends so much on me, he calls me all the time talk to me all day, he even stoped talking to his friends, then we both became so dependent on each other and we were perfectly happy.." You seem to think that stopping talking to your friends and being so dependant on each other is a good thing. It's not You sound like you might have co dependency issues. Did you have this with previous relationships? Why have you pushed your friends and family away? Is this something he encouraged you to do? The first thing I would do is reconnect with your family and friends. How long is he "not around" for or not calling at a time? 2
Author jetaimeposey Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 I know it's not a good thing but it seems to be. he was with me all the time, he was my friend, my bf, my brother everything that i need. maybe, but not like this time, and i dont really know why i pushed them, as i said they cant replace him so it's like i have lost interest in talking.
kendahke Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Might be a good use of your time to re-establish your relationship with your friends and family. You set yourself adrift and no longer have his wind to billow your sails and give you direction. That wind needs to be you having a life and an identity outside of any boy you get with; that is a result of having a rich life of friendships, family and interests that have nothing to do with boys. From what you say, it sounds like your relationship is past its shelf life and he sees that. It's gone rotten, but you don't see or smell it. Eating rotten food makes you sick: staying in rotten relationships damages your psyche. It's "must go" day: time to throw out what is making you depressed, anxious, insecure and feeling like you're not enough. 3
darkmoon Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 ime, others prolly compliment you too, so you do not need him 1
Redhead14 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Hello guys ! so here's my problem. i have been dating my bf for over a year now, when we first started dating he was the one that depends so much on me, he calls me all the time talk to me all day, he even stoped talking to his friends, then we both became so dependent on each other and we were perfectly happy.. lately, he has gone so cold, if we dont talk that doesnt bother him, same if we dont see each other. at first i was blaming him for changing, we fought all the time, it's like he doesnt care about me anymore and he doesnt seems to miss me or care about me anymore. I know he has gone cold but i also blame my self for being so dependent on him, when im with him i feel so happy, so lucky to have him, but when his not around or whe he doesnt call me, i feel so sad, depressed, alone. I feel like he can leave me at anytime, if we break up it wont bother him at all, he can replace me so easly. the thing is that i have pushed all my friends away bc of him, even my family, none of them can replace him. and i also feel so insecure, that im not good enought for him, he so thet hot-blond boy with the blue eyes and im .. im just me. Sometimes I think maybe because he is not giving me the enough attention that I need, that maybe he doesn’t make me feel beautiful or he doesn’t bring out the best in me, he doesnt do half of things that I do for him but I don’t blame him. The problem is me, and I dont wanna push him away, I dont wanna lose him. Thank you so much. A woman's happiness should come from within. She makes herself happy. A man should only enhance what she already has, not bring it to her. It seems that in the beginning you basically had a co-dependent relationship. That is unhealthy. It's ok that you don't want to lose him, but if he's not meeting your needs and you stick with it, you are losing yourself in him. Until you can be happy with yourself, you will always be in these kinds of relationships. I'd say that he's pulling away because he's realizing how dependent you are on him for everything. Go out and do some things for yourself that make you happy. Enjoy your life. Sit back and observe what he's bringing to your "table" and whether or not it works for you. Don't reach out to him first for quite some time, let him come to you if he wants to. If he isn't doing it in a way that shows you he cares and wants to be with you, let him go. Focus on your needs and if he isn't meeting them, do what you need for yourself.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I think your boyfriend has probably realized it's not healthy or sustainable to be that dependent on one person. Giving up friends and family is a serious mistake, as you're now seeing. Your boyfriend should not be the centre of your universe, he should not be "everything" to you. That's not love; it's co-dependency. How old are you both? Have you dated much in the past? If so, have you done the same thing? (ie made him the focus of your life) I think you need to take a step back and re-address this relationship. If he's pulling away and doesn't seem to miss you, that could indicate he's not interested in being in this relationship any longer. How long do you go without communicating? Does he know your happiness depends so heavily on him? 1
Author jetaimeposey Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 i'm 17 and he's 20, yes i have dated before but it was never serious like this one, he could spend a whole day without calling me and even if we do talk its not like before, its like he's forced to talk to me and it's been a week since that last time that i saw him, i told me if im going to see him later he said that he's busy. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 i'm 17 and he's 20, yes i have dated before but it was never serious like this one, he could spend a whole day without calling me and even if we do talk its not like before, its like he's forced to talk to me and it's been a week since that last time that i saw him, i told me if im going to see him later he said that he's busy. Oh sweetie, you're far too young to be dealing with this type of relationship. You should be out having fun with your friends and meeting boys who actually want to see you. I think your boyfriend is checking out and doesn't know how to tell you. If he's not making time for you, it's because he simply doesn't want to. I know it hurts, but you shouldn't be wasting your younger years in a relationship that's become one-sided. 2
Satu Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Life is never, ever, about just one person. Your relationships with family and friends are also very important. You should breathe life into these relationships again. Your relationship with your boyfriend has become one of unhealthy attachment/co-dependency. *Nobody can be anyone's everything.* Reconnect with family and friends, and give up the idea that any one person can give you everything, because that can never work. Take care. 1
Author jetaimeposey Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 well, i'm starting to realize how silly i am for making him all my world, it's all my fault to be honest i made him think that no matter he would do i would never leave , eveytime we have i fight im the one that has to apologize whether it's my fault or not, it's like he's taking me for granted and i'm so sick of that. I do also feel like he do wanna break but he doesnt wanna hurt me, and im trying to deny it .. I'm sorry but I really love him and it hurts so much
Satu Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 well, i'm starting to realize how silly i am for making him all my world, it's all my fault to be honest i made him think that no matter he would do i would never leave , eveytime we have i fight im the one that has to apologize whether it's my fault or not, it's like he's taking me for granted and i'm so sick of that. I do also feel like he do wanna break but he doesnt wanna hurt me, and im trying to deny it .. I'm sorry but I really love him and it hurts so much You're not silly, you've just not had enough life experience to know better. There's no shame in that. I'm not saying this to hurt your feelings, but: When you hold on so hard to a person, *it makes them feel as if they are being held hostage.* You really need to loosen your grip. Do that by spending some time with other people who (should) matter to you. Take care.
Author jetaimeposey Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 Im thinking about breaking up but i dont wanna do something that im sure i will regret it later. He almost didnt call this whole day and when i asked him why he said that he see why he should. I think a relationship should bring happyness not sadness.
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