ohso Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 We broke up a few months ago after 8 years. There were many reasons but mostly it was because we wanted different things and he stopped loving me. It was kind of a mutual, but I'd say I was dumped. He wanted to stay friends which I agreed because I still love him but I do not hope we get together again. Problem is we almost have same issues as friends like we had as lovers. As a matter a fact, I have never been humiliated so much in my life. Last night we went out with his best friends. That's part of the reason I stayed friends with my ex because I didn't want to lose our mutual friends that were his to begin with. His best friend never liked me through whole 8 years and I don't know why and my bf won't tell me. Even now when we're just friends, it's the same. That friend is married with two kids. I wasn't even invited to his wedding. Last night he was making jokes about us breaking up, saying what kind of girl would even be with a guy who doesn't want to marry her or have kids? It was amusing to everyone but me. My bf thinks I'm overreacting. I'm thinking about ending contact with my ex and all his friends?
aloneinaz Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I highly doubt anyone would approve of going from a romantic/loving relationship to a friend one. It just doesn't work as you're experiencing. Yes, you should let him know you're no longer interested in any relationship and go NC to heal. You'll move on and meet someone else in the future. It really is a shame that after a long relationship, you have to cut ties w/not only the ex but in many cases joint friends and their family members. When my marriage ended, I moved out of the neighborhood and my contact to our neighborhood "friends" dried up pretty quickly. It was a good thing in my opinion. She still lived in that neighborhood and needed them to support her. 2
casey.lives Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Some people have a disturbing sense of humor. let him laugh off his pain. u deal with it how u must. As it stands, ur on ur own from here on out
Seeker12 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 As Casey said it, youre on your own here on out, what this means is that you look out for yourself from here on out, be selfish, not that you isolate yourself from everyone else. First of all, 8 years is a long time, but there could be multiple reasons why you couldnt marry within those 8 years. Secondly, I wouldnt allow anyone, and still probably wouldnt allow anyone to deliberately insult my ex so viciously, or see her being humiliated, or anyone i have detached away from like that, its a matter of principle and respect, and the fact your ex allows this to happen in front of him well says a lot really. You said it best in these two words, "...his friends..." as hard as it may be, its time you cut off your ties with them all, and yes its going to cause pain/hurt but in the long run itll be worth it. Finally, after 8 years its hard, really hard, especially so close to the break up to bring it back to friends, you clearly have feelings for your ex i.e. you love him, best thing to do is go your separate ways and if in 6 months time you feel you still want to be friends, by all means go for it, but now its time for your recovery and discovery.
casey.lives Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 "friends".. are casualties of bad relationships. but good friends come through.. let the cards fall where they will.
infiniteQuest Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 It does sound like these people are more his friends than yours. You need to take care of yourself right now, and this friendship you have going with him and this circle are hurting you. Cut your losses and lean on people who can be supportive of you. You'll be surprised, when you show a little vulnerability, that even strangers would lend you an ear and show compassion. This is what you need right now, not people making fun of you and being insensitive. Turn to those whom you can ask for help, and soak in all of the wisdom you can get. And cut him off.
coryreply Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I'm curious, if the friend was making those kinds of jokes while you were still together, would your bf have defended you and told him to knock it off? Or would he have laughed along?
mightycpa Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 What is so alluring about this group of people that you are willing to hang around your ex and his friends? It's pretty weird of you, really. There were many reasons but mostly it was because we wanted different things and he stopped loving me. It was kind of a mutual, but I'd say I was dumped. Yeah, you love him and he doesn't love you? I'd say you were dumped too. And yet, here you are. He wanted to stay friends which I agreedIt sounds to me, after that rousing non-defense of you, that he was just saying that. I think when he told you to lighten up, that he was also telling you that if you hang around, this is how it is going to be. I think his buddy was expressing more than a little dismay that you were still hanging around, even after getting the heave-ho. In situations like breakups, friends usually choose. You're being pushed out, whether you know it or not. You should leave on your own, while you can still leave with your head held high. 2
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