Mathematics Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 (edited) Hi All I write this predominantly as a place to get some things off of my chest. However, I would like some objective thoughts on my situation. Last October I met a girl from Tinder. We fell in love, we holidayed together, met each others parents all was great. The only problem was that she lived an hour away, but we made it work the best we can with us visiting each other. She is also foreign and works here and was always potentially going to move abroard next summer. She has a very demanding job and in early June she went abroad for a conference. When she was there I heard little of her but I didn't think too much of it. I just assumed no Wi Fi/too busy. However, when she got back she was distant with me and I asked her why. We ended up breaking up on the phone as I wasn't willing to wait for her to visit to break up with me. She told me she had "met someone" at the conference and for that reason was breaking up with me. This "someone" was an American chap who lives on the other side of the world. Simply because of this she had to break up with me. She was adamant that nothing happened, which I believe but Trust was gone at that moment. Naturally, I was very upset on the phone and left the conversation prior to bursting into tears. I spoke to her again the following night (again on the phone) here I said that if she isn't 100% that she wants to be with me we cannot go on. She agreed and I went no contact with her for a month. Fast forward to last week and I sent her a message asking how she is. To which she apologised and said that "I cannot put into words how I have been feeling". I said that I am accepting of what's happened and would keep in touch if she wants to. We ended up going for lunch yesterday as we needed to exchange some items (my idea). I wasn't going to mention the break up, and there was little awkwardness until she did. She said that breaking up with me was the "hardest thing she's ever done", wanted to make clear to me that nothing happened with that guy and when I told her she looked "troubled" she said " this is me after the last month. She also said that "There were so many times that I started to message you and stopped" I was doing pretty well until I saw her, and after breaking no contact I cried twice last night and are thinking about her constantly today. This is despite it feeling good to meet discuss things as we should have at the point of break up. I still love her but no I can never be with her as trust has been eroded. I am doing my best to move on. I have a second date with a nice girl tomorrow but not sure how ready I am for a relationship. I also plan to go no contact with the ex again. Alot of my thoughts are that I could tell yesterday that she is struggling with everything. We had booked a holiday, which I ended up going on and taking my dad, which upset her a bit I think as I didn't give her the money. She should have thought of that before breaking up with me. Anyway, I need thoughts please. I shouldn't have broken no contact but its so hard. As I said to her yesterday, I can't stop caring. I am pleased that I didn't pour my heart out when I saw her. I just feel like ringing her up and saying all I want to say Thanks for reading. Edited July 20, 2015 by Mathematics typos
goldway90 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 "I have a second date with a nice girl tomorrow but not sure how ready I am for a relationship" It's a date, only a date, I REPEAT A DATE why are you thinking about a relationship now? just go and have fun. DATE=/= RELATIONSHIP. PS: sorry for the caps lol 1
Author Mathematics Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 "I have a second date with a nice girl tomorrow but not sure how ready I am for a relationship" It's a date, only a date, I REPEAT A DATE why are you thinking about a relationship now? just go and have fun. DATE=/= RELATIONSHIP. PS: sorry for the caps lol Don't worry, I'm going
Author Mathematics Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 Just had a lecture from a mate saying I was on the rebound after 1 date... Jeez.
Ariess10 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 The whole dating thing that's up to you , but seeing how your fresh out of a relationship I don't think is a good idea .. But people handle breakups different , me I am not even close to that kinda makes me sick just to think about dating right now .. I have had enough for awhile just gonna hang out do my thing .. If I were you nc is the best way , give yourself sometime to heal .. 2
notsoweepingwillow Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Hey Mathematics, I can totally relate to what you're going through. My gf of two years suddenly fell out of love with me because she had found someone else. It all unraveled in a matter of a week. A loving two year relationship vanished into thin air in an instant. She too apoligized to me and told me that she may very well end up regretting the day she broke up with me for the rest of her life. I'm as lost as ever at the moment but am trying my best to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and move on. It hasn't been easy and in no way, shape or form will be easy for you either. That's just how it goes. We've been in NC since the night of the break up 12 days ago and while I know it's challeneging, you must resist the urge to contact her. Say what you need to tell her here. People here will listen and support you. Talking to her will only set you back further. Take care of yourself and stay strong. -NNSW 1
Author Mathematics Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 (edited) I broke no contact on 28 Days which lead to lunch. This time will proceed until she contacts me. Thanks for your responses the support means alot. Edited July 20, 2015 by Mathematics
mightycpa Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 You know, instead of or in addition to those relationship books, you might want to try a little exercise that really helped me when I was figuring out what made me tick - I wrote down a narrative, like a story of about 10 times where I acted poorly. That helped me see myself in an objective way. Then, I wrote the story down as if I had done what I should have done, and I changed the bad outcome to reflect what I thought might have happened at the time. Usually, there was a pretty big difference, and in my imagination version, we were a lot happier, and had far fewer fights. And, it wasn't like I played doormat in those versions. I wanted to figure out the best way to act for me and for her. I got a real education into how I think and how that varied with the way I acted. I even kind of figured out why. It was great for my personal growth and every other girlfriend I had after that was the beneficiary of that little exercise. It also helped me professionally. So, if you're inclined to write, do a little self-examination and ruin your memories, I'd recommend it.
GoBlue Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I still love her but no I can never be with her as trust has been eroded. If this is how you feel what else needs to be said? By the way, if she gave money for a trip that she didn't get to go on, and you took someone else, how do you justify not giving her money back? "She should have thought of that before breaking up with me." Really? Come on dude, that doesn't sound like love that sounds like bitterness. Would you want her to treat you in the same manner if roles were reversed?
Author Mathematics Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 If this is how you feel what else needs to be said? By the way, if she gave money for a trip that she didn't get to go on, and you took someone else, how do you justify not giving her money back? "She should have thought of that before breaking up with me." Really? Come on dude, that doesn't sound like love that sounds like bitterness. Would you want her to treat you in the same manner if roles were reversed? I sent her the money
Author Mathematics Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 Now I need to resist messaging her to tell her I sent the money.
Author Mathematics Posted July 26, 2015 Author Posted July 26, 2015 Update: I sent the money to my ex who messaged me saying " i am going to be so angry with you i told you not to send it" to which I replied "I know what you said but I sent it anyway". She hasnt replied to that so its been no contact since Tuesday. A thank you would have been nice. Remember, she is the one who broke up with me. What gives? The girl i mentioned dating in first post came to my friday night and stayed the night. Not sure if she is looking for anything serious but I have been missing my ex a hell of a lot since Friday night. Feel guilty even though i have nothing to be guilty about. I just cant help but compare other women to my ex...
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