goatboytone Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Hi, I first came on this site over 5 years ago looking for help with a girl that I loved who wanted to end our relationship. I got a lot of advice, some good some bad. A lot of people told me I should just walk away and take the pain of the break up and move on, but at the time I was too weak, I felt that the pain of this girl leaving me would just be too much, it would break me. So, I ended up getting what a lot of people on here might think is the best thing that could happen to them I got back with her. After a year of her being hot and cold, seeing other guys and basically just treating me like ****, I swallowed down all the pain and every time I saw her I acted confident and happy I stayed in contact and we had lots of what for her was no strings sex at every opportunity, even though she was with someone else. Now most people with a brain will have read this much and be thinking don't get back with her! Well I wasn't listening to logic but instead listened to all my fears of what my life would be like without this woman in it. So we got back together, and we moved in with each other (I know. I couldn't have been more stupid if I'd tried) anyway, needless to say it was a disaster, I couldn't trust or respect her anymore but I still stayed with her out of fear of being alone, which I genuinely confused with love. I found out that this girl wasn't the woman I thought she was. She manipulated me for the longest time, cheated on me got me to spend thousands on her, holidays, clothes, jewellery etc, thinking that this would make her happy. I have nothing to show for her now other than wrinkles and grey hairs. Anyway 5 years down the road and I am in exactly the same situation as I was back then. I've been no contact with this person for just 2 weeks and it sucks, but I have learned a huge lesson. If right now you are separated from some one you love and they are playing with you at all, maybe they're stringing you along, giving you just enough hope to keep you interested. Please walk away, don't lose 5 years of your life like I did trying to make something work that evidently doesn't. If someone doesn't want you anymore, they don't deserve you. To everyone that is in pain right now because of a break up, be strong keep going forward don't ever go backward. You might end up with this same woman or man again in the future, you never know what will happen, but don't try to keep a partnership alive that one of the partners is trying to kill, it just can't work.
cipd11 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I too made the decision to go back to my ex....even though I knew it was wrong. I wish I could go back in time and not put myself through it again. He told me he would be different....he was at first but over time things slipped back to how they used to be. I too was scared to be alone and I was not strong enough to walk away. He broke up with me three weeks ago now...I still miss him even though the relationship was very unhealthy. I guess we learn something from every relationship we have and this will help us in future to not make the same mistakes. I know 5 years feels like a lot ....but it could have been a lot worse. Imagine it was 20 years from now when this happened....you may have had kids and other financial responsibilities. This is like a fresh start for you now 1
Bito Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 You must train yourself to let go of everything you fear to loose. -Yoda I know the little green guy did not get much action but his words are still wise. Don't have an unhealthy obsession with your partner. If they are not happy with you or you with them then you should not be together. It's ok to not have a partner all the time. I know it's uncomfortable to be alone after becoming accustomed to your SO but you will find your stride again. Well done OP. I shall root for you.
aloneinaz Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Sometimes we have to be burned over and over to get something to sink in. I had at least 4 long term relationships that included a break up in my 5 decades. I'm now a huge advocate of once a relationship ends, it should stay that way. My ex wife and I broke up a few times while dating. I still married her and suffered for over a decade in a bad marriage before ending it. When a relationship ends, we always "think" with our hearts vs. our brains. If we could only think with our brains and the common sense and reality it brings, this site wouldn't exist.
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