solong123 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Lately I have been a whirlwind of emotions. It didnt help that my ex texted me saying basically he misses me but does not want to put in to work or effort to make a relationship work again. Fine so be it. But just leave me alone then. I honestly feel like I am falling apart all over again, wake up with anxiety and just feel terrible. I dont want to feel this way anymore. I dont plan to ever speak to or hear from him again but honestly its hit me that all this time I have been wishing he would want to be with me again someday, but it finally really hit me that it will never happen. I just feel downright awful. I feel heartbroken all over again. I dont want this. I want to be strong.
casey.lives Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 (edited) i think it's messed up how people like to revisit the past for no reason... especially if it was a downright horrible past. who knew things could get worst, right??!! Edited July 20, 2015 by casey.lives
Gus Grimly Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 BLOCK HIM!! FacebookTwitterPinterestInstagramGoogle Plus+Dating Sites (OKCupid/Match.com)PhoneWhatsappMessenger Just to name a few. Do whatever you can to VANISH from his life. No Contact what so ever. Got it? Good! 2
LeslieKnope Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 *ugh* what an incredibly selfish thing for an ex to do. Why would he purposely text he misses you but then also take the time to say he doesn't want to get back together? It's cruel and I'm sorry you were on the receiving end of that f**kery. Grieve but try not to speak to him anymore. One thing I've learned is unless I hear something like this from my ex - I love you, I'm sorry, I made a mistake, let's get back together - nothing else coming out of his mouth will make me happy and be worth my time. Be kind to yourself. 5
Ariess10 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 The last post pretty much hit it right on.. Even then tho would you really wanna get back with him? After a breakup it's never the same ..
Honey565 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 *ugh* what an incredibly selfish thing for an ex to do. Why would he purposely text he misses you but then also take the time to say he doesn't want to get back together? It's cruel and I'm sorry you were on the receiving end of that f**kery. Grieve but try not to speak to him anymore. One thing I've learned is unless I hear something like this from my ex - I love you, I'm sorry, I made a mistake, let's get back together - nothing else coming out of his mouth will make me happy and be worth my time. Be kind to yourself. Exactly. Cutting all contacts. Some exes are mean and bad people. But most of them are not. They are just humans. Weak, scared, insecure at times. Jut like you are. They are doing it for their own weakness. Not because they want to hurt you or wish you bad. No, they are just trying to help themselves. They sometimes really miss. They are sometimes nostalgic. In those moments they idealize past and forget reasons why they wanted out of the relationship in the first place. And they get urge to contact. They need to ease their insecurity. But once they get confirmation that you are still there and want them, in the same moment, they remember why they didn't want you in the first place and they disappear. They disappear because they are not insecure anymore. They got what they needed from you, just to realize that they really don't need you or want you. It was just a moment of small doubt and insecurity that was solved. And you stay in the dust...you got rejected again. If you wish to help somebody to move on easier, and not to help yourself, keep that contact.
Author solong123 Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 Ever since the very last contact with ex (atleast 3 weeks ago now) I truly have felt better and like I understood that it is completely over for good and I tried to accept it. Unfortunately, and it tends to only happen much at night, I have been feeling a teeny bit of hope, which i really have no reason to. I want to believe something will click in him where he texts me. But I know deep in my heart this will not happen. I really am not sure why this feeling comes to me but I hate it. I feel worse after I finally come back to reality and discover there is no way I will ever hear from him what I need to hear. I feel i torture myseld on purpose. I feel i cant be truly over it until this last bit of hope diminishes. He has told me he never wants to try again and to move on so why cant hearing that be enough torture for me?!? How do others deal with that last bit of hope they try to hold onto? 1
ennui Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Sorry to be harsh but I've come to realize that even when the hope dies off, that doesn't means you're done with this emotional turbulence you're experiencing. Even after 7 months, I can't see any single glimpse of light at the end of this dark tunnel. But it does gets better. Exercising works. It really does. Every time you think about him and start feeling too upset. Stand up and squat the hell out of it. Or go for a run, run till you're too tired to think of him. You're not only making yourself feel good, you'll look good and you'll feel even better about yourself. Another thing that I've realized is to find a goal, a purpose in life. Start small, with an interest - mine are languages. So I'm looking at going back to my Japanese studies and to start with Spanish too! Even though I've already gotten my degree. I might do some self studying of psychology or to take on a part time advanced diploma for that just because I'm really interested in it. Travelling is a passion for me too. So I've been working on my travelling plans. Finding travel buddies or looking into my own discovery journey. Looking at pictures, reading travelling blogs and checking airfares always keep my mind off unhappy thoughts. Doing masters overseas has always been a dream of mind too. So I'm constantly searching on school, thinking about the resume, motivational letter that I need to do and counting down to the opening of application period makes me really excited too. I'm still feeling pretty bleak generally, but these are some of things that keeps me occupied. And you should find yours too. One word of advice that I would want to give to everyone is to recover properly. I didn't, and I ended up with more emotional scars (read it here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/540992-i-m-coming-realization-self-discovery so please please be careful on the things you do in order to heal yourself.
RoseHeart Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I think it is pretty normal to still feel some hope inside. Humans can convince themselves of almost anything even when the odds are against them. That's sort of how we seem to be wired. However with time the hope will go away little by little and you'll reach a stage where you wouldn't even care about hope anymore. A time will come when you'll feel complete indifference towards him. Right now it might seem impossible but the good news is that timing will come and heal those wounds. That false hope will die out eventually. Just hang in there! 1
Chronograph Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Tough question! Hope can be nasty and persistent. I also find it difficult to fully let go of hope cause the truth is that everything is possible. We truly don't know the future, never, none of us. We'll never know what the next day will bring. Even the next hour, the next moment. In a way every moment holds every possibility. And it is true, sometimes the weirdest most improbable things actually happen. But on the other hand there is probability. Everything might be possible, but far less is probable. And somehow - statistically - you could go with experience most of the time, and be right when trying to predict the future. And it seems to me, looking at all the stories here on Loveshack and hearing from stories of friends and other breakups and reading about it ... that successful reconciliations are not very common. (And I hate that idea very much at the moment, too!!) Don't know what it is that keeps us hoping. Maybe it is the way we are wired. 1
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