PAP Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Hi everyone, If you can read my story and advice me how to cope-behave i will be grateful. The story goes like this: Its about my ex who i split up three months ago. We were together for 5 months but i knew her from before through mutual friends. The reason for the breakup was mainly my fault. I was distant with her never showed any appreciation towards her and the last straw was something i did when i didn't showed up to an important event of hers. She was in love with me and pushed her away with my behavior. We fought a lot but after 1-2 days we were back together. I cant explain my behavior at that time and haven't passed a day where i am not regretting the way i treated her. I think about her all the time and really missed her. I am starting to appreciate her more now that i lost her. Thats why one month ago i sent her a text message asking her to meet up for a drink as i missed her. She replied that she wasn't ready to see me. After one month we met through our mutual friends (they arranged it without me knowing it) and spend a day all together . It was a fun day without any awkward moments. The following day i sent her another txt message telling her that it was nice seeing her and tried to made a definite date for the following week. She did replied but didnt answer straight if she accepts the invitation. So after 6 days i sent her another message asking in a funny way if she is coming. She answered that she doesn't want to meet as she doesn't want to start things again as we both know the outcome. I couldn't handle the answer so i called her and talked for 10 minutes. The call was her telling me all the bad things i did to her (ignored her, never showed any appreciation ) and me agreeing and apologizing. She told me that she was in love with me and i have pushed her away with my behavior. She also said that she is not in love with me anymore. She does not want to meet me as she said that its easy to have back the feelings she lost. My response was that i don't want her to see her as a friend and only want her as a lover and if she changes her mind to give me a call ) She said we will see. I ll appreciate your feedback on my story and any advice you have for me. I am willing to fight for this girl but i am afraid i have made her to lose completely her interest for me. I think she is much cautious of starting again a relationship with me. After i told her my intentions should i walk away now? Should i continue pursuing her or that will push her away further? Thanks again
ExpatInItaly Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 OP, you first need to address why you treated her this way. What made you hold her at a distance? Why couldn't you show her more affection and appreciation? Why didn't you go to this family event? I think she's probably done for good, to be honest. Being shut out by a person you love is very painful and I doubt she trusts you not to hurt her again. She knows you won't have changed (deep down) in such a short time. Not to be rude to you, but she is wise to stay away from you now. She saw that you weren't on the same page and that her efforts were futile. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with someone who is distant and cold, and changes their mind so quickly about wanting/not wanting a relationship. If you'd broken up before and fought a lot after only 5 short months, it's not a match. She knows that now too. Don't try to pursue her now. Give her a lot of space, and do not try to meet up with her. That will irritate her and show her you don't respect her choice to remain broken up. If she wants to try again, she will contact you. In the meantime, do a bit of self-reflection to figure out why you behave this way. You are going to sabotage future relationships in exactly the same way if you don't get to the bottom of it.
Gus Grimly Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I am starting to appreciate her more now that i lost her. Sounds like you were more in love with the relationship than you were with her. If you truly loved her you would have expressed appreciation during the time you were together, not after. All relationships have their ups and downs, we get comfortable and stop communicating our gratitude and appreciation for our partner like we did in the beginning. But it sounds like you never really gave her the appreciation she needed. Plus you ignored her a lot. I can see why she wanted it to end. No one wants to be ignored, especially by the one you are in love with. It's best to move on and let her go, chalk it up to a lesson learned. 1
casey.lives Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I agree with Gus Grimly.. but i do think you can, if the opportunity arises, win her back. People need space in a relationship for this very reason.. to increase and renew appreciation for ones partner and their shared life. I think a man only truly loves if he is set free but chooses to stay. 1
Author PAP Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 Thanxs everyone for the replies and your honesty. Maybe i got scared of the closeness but i am not the only one to blame as sometimes she was overreacting to minor things. I have broken up with other girls as well but i didnt have the bad feelings i have now. I really miss her and i am willing to make the effort if she ever comes back. I know maybe this is selfish of me and i should let her go, but if i didn't believe that this time things will be different if we reconcile i wouldn't consider reaching out for her. I have started studying relationship books to help me explain why i reacted in certain ways when i was with her. I am trying my best to change for the better. My concern is that if the problem in our relationship was me not giving her attention, if i leave her now without contact wouldn't that have the opposite effect? Thanxs again
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