c.jude Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Boyfriend (we will call him Ben) and I have been in a relationship for almost two years. It has been a tumultuous relationship honestly. We have broken up two or three times. All three were due to him talking to girls and flirting, being sexual, etc. Two girls particularly he would call cute, ask and tease for nude pictures, one he sends engagement ring pics, etc. He still does, and I'm not happy about it still. He tells me I'm controlling if I ask him to stop since he's know the girl for like ten years. Our relationship would be so much better if he didn't do this. I don't care if he talks to girls as friends, I have guy friends I play magic the gathering with and play video games with. Anyway, Spring I ended up pregnant (Ben's) . I'm 4 months along so far. Rewind to Winter last year/early this year) , as cliche as it sounds, a group of friends (guys and girls)* found out about him talking to other girls and helped support me during my break up with Ben.In particular, this one guy (we'll call him Rob) helped me through it and I guess feelings caught. To be honest, I didn't really feel love or anything for him. Just rebound feelings. I told him that I still loved Ben, I wasn't over him at all, if anything happens, it just happens... Don't expect anything. Anyway, something happened. Honestly, I wasn't attracted to him. As sick as it sounds, he was just a rebound and there for an emotional boost. I told him and he knew, I was just looking for fwb or less due to Ben. I know I am a horrible person. I've beat myself up about it already. Rob basically fell in love with me, I took his v card, etc. He was apparently saving it and then suddenly was so ready to loose it with me. He initiated everything so I thought it was okay. Then afterwards, Told me he loved me, I was stupid, felt bad and said I loved him too, but as a friend. I guess he took that as something more and I guess I led him on a little by saying that. I know it was a mistake and I wish I didn't. I wish I don't hook up with him to begin with. We hooked up 3 or 4 times in total. During the times we hooked up, he had issues with his family and I was there for him to talk to since I always would do that as a friend for anyone. I only saw him as a buddy that I hooked up with. Afterwards, I went back to Ben since I found out I was pregnant and wanted just to try to make it work. Anyway, when* I went back to Ben, Rob backed off a lot. Which I appreciated and I've honestly been trying to avoid him as much as possible... He is part of my circle of friends, a huge part. I know it was a mistake hooking up with him..ugh. Anyway, Ben wasn't available to drop me off home since he was working, Rob lives close to me and offered to drop me off home. I said yes because my car was in the shop and there wasn't much to choose from... After he dropped me off home he hugged me... Not like friendly but a long ass hug and he smacked my tush. I was like, "Uh, what the hell are you doing? " and he just laughed and said I love you and went home (wtf?).. Then texted me afterwards and said he loves me and to wish me good night... The next few weeks I heard nothing from him, thank God. And I break the news about my pregnancy. He looked disappointed, negative and off after I told everyone. I honestly have been trying to avoid him, but I can't when he shows up to hang out with the rest of our friends. Whenever I talk about names, or my other friends bring up the baby, he gets all weird, hates when anyone brings it up, etc. I have asked him not to mention our fling or anything to anyone or our friends. So far, seems like he hasn't. Idk if he actually has or not... Now, I have zero romantic feelings for Rob, I am not interested in sex or a relationship... but I can't help but to think about him, the situation and regret everything a lot. What should I do? I don't want there to be more drama, I just wanna hang out with my friends sometimes. Should I stop hanging out with my group of friends as much? Ben knows I hooked up with someone while we were separate, didn't take it too well, but has accepted it. He was on tinder when we broke up, but acted like me hooking up with someone else was cheating. He doesn't know who it was I hooked up with, just that I did. I feel like a total bitch about the whole Rob situation for hooking up and leading him on, but then I keep on saying, "Well, I did warn him and I told him I wasn't over Ben, could go back him, I wasn't interested in anything more than flirting or sex..." How can I fix this? I don't flirt with Rob, I have not flirted or done anything since I have gotten back together with Ben. And don't intend to again even if I'm not with Ben in the future... I just wish it wasn't as awkward anymore. I feel lots of regret. It is always so awkward when Rob is there with my friends... We both act like nothing happened, but it's soooo freaking awkward... Is there anything I can do to fix this? A couple months ago, I tried fixing it and tried talking to Rob about it and to apologize. He says he doesn't regret anything, but is not interested in pursuing other girls because there is no one he'd rather be with than me. Which now it's even more awkward... I kinda wanna not be there when he's there since he told me he gets over people by not talking to them, no contact.. But he's always there almost since we have mutual friends... I know I'm probably in the wrong, but what else can I do to make it less awkward? I need the support of my friends and can't just not hang out with my friends. And I don't want to tell then since drama and it'd get even more awkward if they found out. I am 19. Bf is 24. Rob is 23ish. I'm not sure if Rob feels awkward, hates me, still is in love with me after finding out I was pregnant.... Maybe he has regrets now too? Sorry for the long post, and all my grammatical mistakes, typing this and ranting from my phone. Thank you again for reading and any insight!
Arieswoman Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 c.jude, please stop all this drama now. In 5 months time you will be a mother. The most important factor in you life should be to provide a stable home-life for your coming baby. You say you "have to" hang-out with friends. No, you don't and I sincerely hope you aren't drinking alchohol? If your friends wanted to support you they'd be help you paint the nursery not ask you to "hang-out". Where will you be living when baby is born? Have you got a place together? You need to grow up fast and prepare yourself for motherhood. Concentrate on your relationship with your child's father and work out how you can be good parents. 2
torturedartist Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Boyfriend (we will call him Ben) and I have been in a relationship for almost two years. It has been a tumultuous relationship honestly. We have broken up two or three times. All three were due to him talking to girls and flirting, being sexual, etc. Two girls particularly he would call cute, ask and tease for nude pictures, one he sends engagement ring pics, etc. He still does, and I'm not happy about it still. He tells me I'm controlling if I ask him to stop since he's know the girl for like ten years. Our relationship would be so much better if he didn't do this. I don't care if he talks to girls as friends, I have guy friends I play magic the gathering with and play video games with. Anyway, Spring I ended up pregnant (Ben's) . I'm 4 months along so far. Rewind to Winter last year/early this year) , as cliche as it sounds, a group of friends (guys and girls)* found out about him talking to other girls and helped support me during my break up with Ben.In particular, this one guy (we'll call him Rob) helped me through it and I guess feelings caught. To be honest, I didn't really feel love or anything for him. Just rebound feelings. I told him that I still loved Ben, I wasn't over him at all, if anything happens, it just happens... Don't expect anything. Anyway, something happened. Honestly, I wasn't attracted to him. As sick as it sounds, he was just a rebound and there for an emotional boost. I told him and he knew, I was just looking for fwb or less due to Ben. I know I am a horrible person. I've beat myself up about it already. Rob basically fell in love with me, I took his v card, etc. He was apparently saving it and then suddenly was so ready to loose it with me. He initiated everything so I thought it was okay. Then afterwards, Told me he loved me, I was stupid, felt bad and said I loved him too, but as a friend. I guess he took that as something more and I guess I led him on a little by saying that. I know it was a mistake and I wish I didn't. I wish I don't hook up with him to begin with. We hooked up 3 or 4 times in total. During the times we hooked up, he had issues with his family and I was there for him to talk to since I always would do that as a friend for anyone. I only saw him as a buddy that I hooked up with. Afterwards, I went back to Ben since I found out I was pregnant and wanted just to try to make it work. Anyway, when* I went back to Ben, Rob backed off a lot. Which I appreciated and I've honestly been trying to avoid him as much as possible... He is part of my circle of friends, a huge part. I know it was a mistake hooking up with him..ugh. Anyway, Ben wasn't available to drop me off home since he was working, Rob lives close to me and offered to drop me off home. I said yes because my car was in the shop and there wasn't much to choose from... After he dropped me off home he hugged me... Not like friendly but a long ass hug and he smacked my tush. I was like, "Uh, what the hell are you doing? " and he just laughed and said I love you and went home (wtf?).. Then texted me afterwards and said he loves me and to wish me good night... The next few weeks I heard nothing from him, thank God. And I break the news about my pregnancy. He looked disappointed, negative and off after I told everyone. I honestly have been trying to avoid him, but I can't when he shows up to hang out with the rest of our friends. Whenever I talk about names, or my other friends bring up the baby, he gets all weird, hates when anyone brings it up, etc. I have asked him not to mention our fling or anything to anyone or our friends. So far, seems like he hasn't. Idk if he actually has or not... Now, I have zero romantic feelings for Rob, I am not interested in sex or a relationship... but I can't help but to think about him, the situation and regret everything a lot. What should I do? I don't want there to be more drama, I just wanna hang out with my friends sometimes. Should I stop hanging out with my group of friends as much? Ben knows I hooked up with someone while we were separate, didn't take it too well, but has accepted it. He was on tinder when we broke up, but acted like me hooking up with someone else was cheating. He doesn't know who it was I hooked up with, just that I did. I feel like a total bitch about the whole Rob situation for hooking up and leading him on, but then I keep on saying, "Well, I did warn him and I told him I wasn't over Ben, could go back him, I wasn't interested in anything more than flirting or sex..." How can I fix this? I don't flirt with Rob, I have not flirted or done anything since I have gotten back together with Ben. And don't intend to again even if I'm not with Ben in the future... I just wish it wasn't as awkward anymore. I feel lots of regret. It is always so awkward when Rob is there with my friends... We both act like nothing happened, but it's soooo freaking awkward... Is there anything I can do to fix this? A couple months ago, I tried fixing it and tried talking to Rob about it and to apologize. He says he doesn't regret anything, but is not interested in pursuing other girls because there is no one he'd rather be with than me. Which now it's even more awkward... I kinda wanna not be there when he's there since he told me he gets over people by not talking to them, no contact.. But he's always there almost since we have mutual friends... I know I'm probably in the wrong, but what else can I do to make it less awkward? I need the support of my friends and can't just not hang out with my friends. And I don't want to tell then since drama and it'd get even more awkward if they found out. I am 19. Bf is 24. Rob is 23ish. I'm not sure if Rob feels awkward, hates me, still is in love with me after finding out I was pregnant.... Maybe he has regrets now too? Sorry for the long post, and all my grammatical mistakes, typing this and ranting from my phone. Thank you again for reading and any insight! How about you spend the next little bit of time not worrying about yourself and instead worrying about the baby you're going to bring into this world. Because none of your story suggested non-consensual sex. You're a Mom now. Start acting like one. 1
Author c.jude Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 c.jude, please stop all this drama now. In 5 months time you will be a mother. The most important factor in you life should be to provide a stable home-life for your coming baby. You say you "have to" hang-out with friends. No, you don't and I sincerely hope you aren't drinking alchohol? If your friends wanted to support you they'd be help you paint the nursery not ask you to "hang-out". Where will you be living when baby is born? Have you got a place together? You need to grow up fast and prepare yourself for motherhood. Concentrate on your relationship with your child's father and work out how you can be good parents. I have an apartment on my own. Baby's father and I are talking about moving in together, but we have been on the rocks lately. Everything was unplanned, I was considering adoption. And no, I don't drink or smoke. I have a full time job and a part time weekend job. I hang out with friends on days that I am off or if I am off at night. Took a weekend job for savings once I decided to keep baby, but Will be dropping weekend job once baby comes. I do feel the need to go out since I was battling depression and was told I should go out more. All we do is eat and play cards. Or go to the mall on my days off that I can. It's my one time to de stress. But I can't now since everything is so awkward.
Author c.jude Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 How about you spend the next little bit of time not worrying about yourself and instead worrying about the baby you're going to bring into this world. Because none of your story suggested non-consensual sex. You're a Mom now. Start acting like one. I am juggling two jobs, Summer school to be certified, a full time with benefits for baby and I, I live on my own, I have a car, I have daycare arrangements set up all ready, I have the means for baby. Trust me, or I would've chose adoption. I spent the first 4 months coming up with a plan, budget and took on a second job for savings just in case for a safe buffer. I do not drink, I do not smoke, I do not party. I have the support of my family and friends backing me up. Since I'm a mom now I can't think of anything else but worrying about this situation that I already thought long and hard on? If I was so much in the hole and unprepared for this baby, no way in hell would I be on here spending my night off on forums. I was ranting about a situation since I've been thinking about it, how wrong is that?
Arieswoman Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 c.jude, I would seriously consider adoption in this situation and you need to talk to your b/f about this. If you are feeling depressed now, you'll feel a whole lot worse when baby comes and you have to deal with 2am feeds and sleepless nights. Two girls particularly he would call cute, ask and tease for nude pictures, one he sends engagement ring pics, etc. He still does, and I'm not happy about it still. Your b/f isn't mature enough to step up to the plate ^^, so i wouldn't count on him for any support. Keeping a baby into this situation is not fair to him/her. Your relationship with the bay's father is unstable and you have a medical problem. This child deserves the best start in life with two parents who really want him/her and who will work together to ensure that he/she has a stable homelife. Please think about this very seriously and make the right decision for your unborn child.
Author c.jude Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 c.jude, I would seriously consider adoption in this situation and you need to talk to your b/f about this. If you are feeling depressed now, you'll feel a whole lot worse when baby comes and you have to deal with 2am feeds and sleepless nights. Your b/f isn't mature enough to step up to the plate ^^, so i wouldn't count on him for any support. Keeping a baby into this situation is not fair to him/her. Your relationship with the bay's father is unstable and you have a medical problem. This child deserves the best start in life with two parents who really want him/her and who will work together to ensure that he/she has a stable homelife. Please think about this very seriously and make the right decision for your unborn child. I was adopted as a child, I have the means for the baby and would not like to put the baby through what I did unless I absolutely have to. I don't need and am not relying on financial assistance from the father or anyone else, I wouldn't get any anyway. I make more than he does and in my state, id probably owe child support since I make more. I am doing fine on my own if he doesn't decide to step up. I am not counting on him for support at all. I was always battling depression as a child, though I have worked through it and am doing well with the support of family and friends.
joseb Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Your replies make you sound pretty mature for your age. So not sure why you are concerning yourself with the issue regarding sleeping with your friend. Are you certain who the father is by the way? Once the baby is born (and when you are heavily pregnant) you will probably not be hanging out much with friends, so the situation should resolve itself. As others have said, your pregnancy and life thereafter should be more than enough to worry about 1
Recommended Posts