Ruined a whole year of exciting flirting??

July 20, 2015

I've been flirting with a collegue at work for the best part of a year, i've been patient, kept it cool, slightly suggestive yet not creepy, and finally had her come to my place one weekend recently to hang out.

Unfortunately, I think I've totally messed it up. I went in for the kiss which was totally great and she loved that. However, I then tried to put more moves on her, she rejected me, and it was a bit awkward. I thought i'd sort of recovered by making a bit of a joke about it, but it's only now a week later I've realized my mistake.

I mis-read her visit as all of those suggestive emails finally coming true and not as her testing me to see if I was legit, or just a sex maniac. I'm not, but I'm pretty sure I came across that way.

So, is there ANY chance this could now go any further or did I ruin a year of flirting and totally kill her attraction to me in one afternoon by trying to initiate sex?

Any advice on how to fix it, or do I admit that I ****ed up and forget about it and take it as lesson learned?

Edited July 20, 2015 by zer0entity

July 20, 2015

Are you interested in dating her or just having sex with her?

July 20, 2015

I'm absolutely interested in dating her! I just didn't think she would be interested in dating me! I thought at the time she just wanted to come up and live out some of the fantasies we'd previously spoken about.

However, on reflection the reason for her visit was to see if I was only interested in sex, and I guess it came across like I was.

So now I've messed it all up.

July 20, 2015

Maybe all those suggestive emails were just flirting and she thinks you moved a little too quickly for her. Have you tried apologizing and explaining to her that you like her and didn't mean to take things too far. Have you seen her at work since this happened? Is she not communicating with you?

July 20, 2015

Yeah I absolutely did apologize at work a couple of days later, and said if she'll give me a chance could we maybe go out somewhere next time?. She replied straight away saying it's all good and "totally!" But then I worried I layed the apology on too think as well, haha, I'm my own worst enemy.

Yeah I would have to say she's been either fine with me or maybe slightly more distant, but hey it's busy at work so that might not mean anything at all.

And so then of course this weekend I sent her a text asking if she wanted to go instead of coming to mine and she said she was heaps sorry but already had plans.

I think I already know the answer I guess I'm just trying to gauge opinions.

The only thing I've got to save me is that there's been all this flirting for so long and I know she likes (or at least liked) me, but I just have this feeling that her visit was a test and I failed it spectacularly.

July 20, 2015

She may still give you another chance. Being you see her daily at work, it gives you a better opportunity to make amends.

July 20, 2015

Thank you. I guess the best thing to do now is just to back off, be my friendly normal self and see how it goes over the next couple of weeks.

What an idiot, oh man, it's pretty devastating considering things were going so well.

July 20, 2015

I've been flirting with a collegue at work for the best part of a year, i've been patient, kept it cool, slightly suggestive yet not creepy, and finally had her come to my place one weekend recently to hang out.

Unfortunately, I think I've totally messed it up. I went in for the kiss which was totally great and she loved that. However, I then tried to put more moves on her, she rejected me, and it was a bit awkward. I thought i'd sort of recovered by making a bit of a joke about it, but it's only now a week later I've realized my mistake.

I mis-read her visit as all of those suggestive emails finally coming true and not as her testing me to see if I was legit, or just a sex maniac. I'm not, but I'm pretty sure I came across that way.

So, is there ANY chance this could now go any further or did I ruin a year of flirting and totally kill her attraction to me in one afternoon by trying to initiate sex?

Any advice on how to fix it, or do I admit that I ****ed up and forget about it and take it as lesson learned?

Oh man. What you've just admitted to us is that it took you close to a year to come close to even getting in her pants.

If you're just wanting to get into a woman's pants, don't wait a fricking year. If it hasn't happened within a week, assume it won't happen.

And yes, she totally read your game and saw whatever happened after you kissed her as an attempt to get into her pants, and it bothered her first of all because you weren't clear about your intentions, and second of all because you'd been going about these shenanigans for close to a year.

Dig this. All the time you spent trying to get into her pants, she also spent observing you trying to get into her pants. Because that's how women are. They can read men.

But this part of her is hoping that you're different, but you proved beyond the shadow of a doubt that you're no different at all.

So on the the next one. Hopefully you can learn from it.

July 20, 2015

I guess it's just a shame I had to learn that lesson with this particular girl.

July 20, 2015

Maybe all those suggestive emails were just flirting and she thinks you moved a little too quickly for her. Have you tried apologizing and explaining to her that you like her and didn't mean to take things too far. Have you seen her at work since this happened? Is she not communicating with you?

While it didn't turn out like the OP expected I don't think he ruined it by going for more since the kiss went well and she was back at his place. Its natural and if he hadn't there would be a big % of women these days that would wonder 'WTH why did he not go on with more'. There has been a whole year of flirting preceding this. That's a lot of build up. Again for a lot of women these days they would written him off for anything serious. Personally I don't think he needs to be sorry for what he did actually. Its unfortunate it didn't play out like he wanted but after a year of flirting its no sin what he did.

July 20, 2015

Thanks for your encouraging words. As I said before the only hope i've got is that there's been this build up over a year and HOPEFULLY one slip up like this isn't gonna ruin it all. However, if i trust my guts, go on what i know about her (young and has a lot of guys hitting on her), I'm now just gonna look exactly like the rest of them.

Gonna take a whole lot of time to take in how badly I handled the situation and that it's potentially cost me any future chance to spend some amazing time with an amazing girl. AARRRGHH!!

July 20, 2015

T... go on what i know about her (young and has a lot of guys hitting on her), I'm now just gonna look exactly like the rest of them.
Gonna take a whole lot of time to take in how badly I handled the situation and that it's potentially cost me any future chance to spend some amazing time with an amazing girl. AARRRGHH!!

Don't beat yourself up over what happened. imo and quite a few others on here the beat up should be over not making a move much earlier. If this woman is young and cute and has a lot of guys chasing her you really can't afford to be slow these days. Maybe she is different, but many these days if they date around a bit they will see a slow mover as not being assertive or not being into her and will have written him off. If she likes you you should be able to recover from this. If she writes you off for making a move after a great kiss and a years build up, then its not to be. Good luck

July 20, 2015

My advice is the same as it was in the other thread.

Call her and plan a second date. Something low key like bowling would be fun. You pick her up, have a fun night out, and then let her invite you in when you drop her off. Originally, she knew the score when she wanted to "hang out at your place". So you had nothing to feel sorry for in the first place. But since she actually likes you, she let you off the hook for sending the email and even encouraged you to ask her out again. Stop overthinking, and don't apologize anymore.

July 20, 2015

The OP DID ask her out again, and she blew him off because she'd rather watch a game with her little brother.

She offered no alternative day to get together.

Granted, the way he asked her out and what he suggested was rather lame, but still....I believe if she had been into the OP romantically, she would have been thrilled for the opportunity to spend time with him again ......instead of preferring to be with her little brother!

Or at the very least suggested another day *to* get together.

She was nice about it, but being nice does not equate to being romatically interested in him.

I think many of us including myself misinterpreted that initial email she sent after he sent his email apologizing for coming on to her at his house.

OP, she may have been into you at some point or maybe she thought flirting was just fun. But based on her response when you asked her out again, she only sees you as a friend.

Jmo

Edited July 20, 2015 by katiegrl

July 20, 2015

Take one more shot at asking her out - give her enough notice that it's unlikely she will have already made plans. If she declines or cancels that's your final answer. Then you move on.

She might give you another chance but don't hold your breath. If she does, you will have to romance her a LOT.

Consider this a good lesson either way. You have to learn how to romance and woo a woman - and a year of flirting isn't the way to a woman's heart.

Edited July 20, 2015 by xcupid

July 20, 2015

Agree with Katie.

There's an easy way to find out where she's at with this. Just observe her. If she wants you to take another shot, she'll send you the signals. (Chances are since she's been "busy" at work, she doesn't, but still ....) If you get nothing of the sort and just friendliness, you're done, sorry. You could try to push it at that point but chances are it'd only make it worse unless you're a really skilled 'playa' and know what buttons to push.

July 20, 2015

The OP DID ask her out again, and she blew him off because she'd rather watch a game with her little brother.

She offered no alternative day to get together.

1) He asked her to get together less than a day before. So I think it's believable that she'd already have other plans. Also, it's not realistic to expect that she'd blow off plans with her brother she made well in advance for a guy she's seen ONCE.

2) If his date invite was open ended, I'd agree with you that no counter offer is bad. Ex - "We should get together again! When r u free next week?" and she says "Next week is really busy. Sorry!" However, his invite was specifically geared towards the game. Since she had plans already, she stressed how sorry she was. So that's his cue to say - "No worries. When r u free for a date next week?" But instead he says "No worries. Now I'll have the city to myself, yess!" How exactly is she supposed to give a counter offer to that?

For what it's worth OP, here's my advice - Give it 2-3 days breathing room. Then call her on the phone w-full confidence. Make small talk about the game, etc and say "We should go out on a date this week. When are you free?" She'll either give you a day and ask what you have in mind, or actually blow you off. Then you know for sure.

Edited July 20, 2015 by fitnessfan365

July 20, 2015

1) He asked her to get together less than a day before. So I think it's believable that she'd already have other plans. Also, it's not realistic to expect that she'd blow off plans with her brother she made well in advance for a guy she's seen ONCE.

2) Normally, I'd agree that not getting a counter offer is a bad sign. But that usually applies more to an open ended date invite. Like if he'd said "We should get together again! When r u free next week?" and she says "I'm really busy this week, sorry" that's blow off. But his invite was geared specifically towards the game. She already had plans to watch it and stressed how sorry she was. That's his cue to say "No worries. When r u free for a date next week? But instead he says "No worries. Now I'll have the city to myself, yess!" This is close ended, and doesn't give her anything to counter offer to.

For what it's worth OP, here's my advice - Give it 2-3 days breathing room. Then call her on the phone w-full confidence. Make small talk about the game, etc and say "We should go out on a date this week. When are you free?" She'll either give you a day and ask what you have in mind, or actually blow you off. Then you know for sure.

Okay, I guess you know best as always....

July 20, 2015

1) He asked her to get together less than a day before. So I think it's believable that she'd already have other plans. Also, it's not realistic to expect that she'd blow off plans with her brother she made well in advance for a guy she's seen ONCE.

2) If his date invite was open ended, I'd agree with you that no counter offer is bad. Ex - "We should get together again! When r u free next week?" and she says "Next week is really busy. Sorry!" However, his invite was specifically geared towards the game. Since she had plans already, she stressed how sorry she was. So that's his cue to say - "No worries. When r u free for a date next week?" But instead he says "No worries. Now I'll have the city to myself, yess!" How exactly is she supposed to give a counter offer to that?

For what it's worth OP, here's my advice - Give it 2-3 days breathing room. Then call her on the phone w-full confidence. Make small talk about the game, etc and say "We should go out on a date this week. When are you free?" She'll either give you a day and ask what you have in mind, or actually blow you off. Then you know for sure.

Actually his invite was not specifically geared toward the game -- read his post again. He said this:

>>.....i didnt ask her to watch the game together at all. I asked her if she wanted to head out somewhere else, and because the game was on at the same time, that place would be quiet and we could have it all to ourselves.

But of course you always know best...

July 20, 2015

Okay, I guess you know best as always....

I'm just trying to offer a different POV.

Imagine this. You've made plans ahead of time to see a movie w-your best friend. Then a guy you've only had one date with invites you to the same movie the day before with no notice. Realistically you'd keep plans with your best friend right? That's all I'm saying.

July 20, 2015

I'm just trying to offer a different POV.

Imagine this. You've made plans ahead of time to see a movie w-your best friend. Then a guy you've only had one date with invites you to the same movie the day before with no notice. Realistically you'd keep plans with your best friend right? That's all I'm saying.

Read my above post - no. 19.

He did NOT invite her to watch the game..... sheesh.

July 20, 2015

I'm just trying to offer a different POV.

Imagine this. You've made plans ahead of time to see a movie w-your best friend. Then a guy you've only had one date with invites you to the same movie the day before with no notice. Realistically you'd keep plans with your best friend right? That's all I'm saying.

If I had made plans with my best friend on a Saturday night, and the guy I was into invited me out for that same Saturday night (giving me a day's notice), I would keep the plans with my best friend, apologize to the guy and suggest an alternative day to get together.

If I had made plans with my little brother to watch a ball game, I would cancel watching the game with my little brother and go out with the guy I was really into....

Call me crazy but I would think most women who were REALLY into a guy would do this as well....assuming again we were really into the guy.

I am sure her little brother would have understood.

Edited July 20, 2015 by katiegrl

July 20, 2015

Read my above post - no. 19.

He did NOT invite her to watch the game..... sheesh.

Didn't see your post until after I posted.

But, the point is still the same. She had made plans ahead of time to see her brother. A guy she's seen ONCE contacts her less than a day before with no notice asking to meet up the same day. You don't think it's possible that she'd 1) have plans already and 2) value a family member over a guy she hasn't really spent time with?

Since you're so certain she blew him off, I'm just trying to offer another POV on why her not wanting to get together could be valid.

July 20, 2015

Didn't see your post until after I posted.

But, the point is still the same. She had made plans ahead of time to see her brother. A guy she's seen ONCE contacts her less than a day before with no notice asking to meet up the same day. You don't think it's possible that she'd 1) have plans already and 2) value a family member over a guy she hasn't really spent time with?

Since you're so certain she blew him off, I'm just trying to offer another POV on why her not wanting to get together could be valid.

First of all, her blowing him off is not just my opinion. It is a fact. She DID not accept his invite...did not suggest an alternative date...and in my world that is essentially a blow off. She blew him off nicely, but it was still a blow off.

That said... it certainly would not hurt for him to take your advice.... I think he should!

I just don't think he should get his hopes too high on this one, that's all.

Had you read her email responding to his invite (he posted it), perhaps you would feel differently. It REALLY did sound like she was responding to a friend....and frankly HIS invite to her also sounded like it was to a friend.

JMO

Edited July 20, 2015 by katiegrl

July 20, 2015

Also, here's some food for thought.

My GF is a planner. So she's really liked that I always make dates with her ahead of time. In hindsight, she mentioned that a HUGE pet peeve of hers with guys she dated in the past is when they'd reach out day before or day of. It didn't matter if she liked the guy, she'd keep her original plans on principal. I'm actually the same way, which is one of the many reasons why we get along. But my point is that some people value plans they make ahead of time and prefer to be invited in advance.

First of all, her blowing him off is not just my opinion. It is a fact. She DID not accept his invite...did not suggest an alternative date...and in my world that is essentially a blow off. She blew him off nicely, but it was still a blow off.

That's just it though. He didn't give her anything to counter offer with. Instead of saying "No worries. When r u free to get together next week?' he tells her "No worries. Now I'll have the city to myself, yess!" and the conversation ended after that.

Edited July 20, 2015 by fitnessfan365

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