smackie9 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I never had any "rules". We met up for sex, then part ways until him or me wanted to meet up again, that's it. If anyone wanted to date or have sex with others, anything goes....Didn't care about that. When you throw rules into the mix, you may as well call it a relationship. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Re: the bolded... er... no. I've had plenty of FB/FWB relationships, most of them very successful, and that was NEVER a rule. For me, if we're FWB, then there is NO exclusivity, AT ALL. If there is, then it's not FWB. I also find it easier to keep detached if I'm sleeping with more than one person at the same time. I am a hardcore monogamist and only keep one sexual partner at a time. All the women who I became f*ck buddies with felt the same way. But that doesn't mean that we were committed to each other in any way. It's just a lifestyle choice not to have multiple partners. You're still free to date other people and if you want to have sex with someone else, that's fine. You just end the arrangement at that point.
smackie9 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I am a hardcore monogamist and only keep one sexual partner at a time. All the women who I became f*ck buddies with felt the same way. But that doesn't mean that we were committed to each other in any way. It's just a lifestyle choice not to have multiple partners. You're still free to date other people and if you want to have sex with someone else, that's fine. You just end the arrangement at that point. This is so contradictory..... having sex with this one person, and to end said arrangement if you wanted sex with someone else is still a commitment.
fitnessfan365 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 (edited) This is so contradictory..... having sex with this one person, and to end said arrangement if you wanted sex with someone else is still a commitment. Commitment has nothing to do with it. It's about sexual/lifestyle preferences. I only have sex with monogamous people. But sexual monogamy and exclusive dating are two different things. Let's say that you date pretty regularly over a span of three months. But it's a string of bad first dates and some 3-5 date cast offs that either disappear or you reject due to lack of compatibility. During that whole time, even though you're dating other people, you're not having sex with any of them. So it's entirely possible to have a monogamous sexual partner to tide you over until you meet someone you actually want to get serious with. Edited July 20, 2015 by fitnessfan365
jay1983 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 (edited) OP there usually isn't any rules or agreement. What's usually the case is the women is really into the guy and wants a commitment, but the guy doesn't want much else from her. Don't be convinced by her words. Edited July 20, 2015 by jay1983 2
Brigit_1 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I've had a FB before - just get together, do your business, and leave - it's pretty much hang out for 30-60 minutes, minor foreplay - although do what she needs, otherwise it collapses pretty quick. Bail pretty quick after you're done. No cuddling, spooning, anything after the business - it tends to create a connection. Ideally no kissing - treat her like a prostitute, and you'll be going in the right direction, as prostitute rules are effectively in place to prevent creation of an emotional connection. You want this to seem more like a mutual transaction. No date-like anything, and least when you're fooling around - I repeat, get the heck out of there as fast as you can. I don't think it really matters if it's sexually exclusive, as long as the other person knows, and you're being safe, and letting them know if you've done anything risky. Having other FBs at the same time helps to minimize the emotional connection that they may feel toward you, so it may actually help to preserve the FB relationship. Why would any woman want this type of repulsive set-up? It's so cold and horrible. 1
Author joseb Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 What makes you prefer this over a real relationship? That's a fair question. I've recently (6 months ago) come out of a five year relationship. I was living with my partner. I felt that over time I lost myself in the relationship. Not in a dramatic way, but gradually. She also had strong BPD traits. I am a bit of a people pleaser by nature so I'm a natural 'target' for these kind of relationships. Before that, I was single for a time and very very happy. I was traveling a lot and it was easy enough to hook up casually with girls without having to worry about rules, etc. It worked well. Previously I had been in another 2 year relationship with a girl that ended pretty badly - that started pretty much as a rebound after I split up with my fiance who I had been with for over 10 years since a young age. So apart form a couple of years I've been in co-habiting relationships all my adult life and I'm over them. I love living alone. I love my free time. I love meeting friends when I want to without worrying about getting grief for it. I love getting on my bike and riding in the hills for hours without having to text people constantly about my whereabouts, and getting an earful if I'm late back. I love being able to book a holiday to wherever I want whenever I want without having to negotiate this. But I do miss the physical side of female interactions and other than ONSs, Fk Buddies seems to be the nest way to get this. Hope that helps explain a bit?
Brigit_1 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 That's a fair question. I've recently (6 months ago) come out of a five year relationship. I was living with my partner. I felt that over time I lost myself in the relationship. Not in a dramatic way, but gradually. She also had strong BPD traits. I am a bit of a people pleaser by nature so I'm a natural 'target' for these kind of relationships. Before that, I was single for a time and very very happy. I was traveling a lot and it was easy enough to hook up casually with girls without having to worry about rules, etc. It worked well. Previously I had been in another 2 year relationship with a girl that ended pretty badly - that started pretty much as a rebound after I split up with my fiance who I had been with for over 10 years since a young age. So apart form a couple of years I've been in co-habiting relationships all my adult life and I'm over them. I love living alone. I love my free time. I love meeting friends when I want to without worrying about getting grief for it. I love getting on my bike and riding in the hills for hours without having to text people constantly about my whereabouts, and getting an earful if I'm late back. I love being able to book a holiday to wherever I want whenever I want without having to negotiate this. But I do miss the physical side of female interactions and other than ONSs, Fk Buddies seems to be the nest way to get this. Hope that helps explain a bit? It sounds rational and seeing that you've been through the mill with traditional relationships it makes sense. TBH I have BPD traits so I understand the kind of emotional drain "my kind" puts on others. We tend to meld into our partner due to fear of abandonment and inability to cope with neglect. Some men don't mind this type of woman but it sounds like you need more independence.
Recommended Posts