Author Leigh 87 Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 um what? potential wife? yet there was magical chemistry? his feelings stopped growinggg?? this guys a squirrel. He wants to feel head over heels for a girl. Someone who he can envision himself marrying. I want that too so it's a good thing ended it so I can find a man who feels that way about me. He is like me. He can't just date people and give them a chance for the sake of having a shot at a relationship. He needs to feel the butterflies and the super happy and giddy feelings. What he did to me I have done to many men! I have also started out excited and into a man and then lost it. 1
joseb Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Uh no one's obligated to date anyone and this breakup is tame compared to the norm. Yeah. I feel sorry for Leigh that it didn't work out. But I don't think you can call someone self centered for not wanting to continue a relationship. Better to find out now than for him to string her along. 4
jen1447 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Better to burn out than fade away baby. There's always the next one. You're good. 2
IronZ Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 How long did you two date? Love doesn't happen overnight.. sounds like he was playing you. 3
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 How long did you two date? Love doesn't happen overnight.. sounds like he was playing you. Nah. He needs to feel all crazy about a girl without having to doubt whether or not he's into her enough. Many men also need to fall hard for a girl. Feeling lukewarm and not super into a girl just doesn't make a man was the to date her. In some cases. He seemed like a wonderful guy. After we first got intimate he straight away told me that be had cancelled his othe dates and he went and got an STI test and asked that I do the same. He always texted daily and was wonderful to me. He checks up on me to ask how I am doing. But he doesn't throw me breadcrumbs or give me false hope either. I don't feel he was playing me.
Lansing Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 How long did you two date? Love doesn't happen overnight.. sounds like he was playing you. Agree. Sounds like he is being "nice" now with hopes of turning OP into a friends with benefits. Why talk about how amazing the sex was now that the relationship is done? 9
ExpatInItaly Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Sorry to hear, Leigh. I know you had high hopes for this one. But I don't think his feelings suddenly changed overnight, despite what he may be telling you. Doesn't make sense. In any case, it doesn't matter now. Cut contact with him. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I am in the same spot Leigh. I had to break up with someone after 3 months or so. He had near future plans of moving that I couldn't see myself being part of. He wasn't prepared to compromise on them, not even delay the move. I didn't want to get more invested only to have him leave.... Sucks but we will be all right 2
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 I do think think he played me. I think I he did genuinely was the to date me and then his feelings just didn't develop. I don't think this guy lied or led me on. I think he's a very honest guy.
candie13 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 sorry to hear that, girl Leigh, that man had unreasonable expectations from himself and from his feelings. He never will find someone who will quite match up to his expectations. You are supposed to be enough. You ARE enough. Cut him loose and please don't get pooled into this "nice guy" game, I am also suspecting he wants to mindfck you so that he gets easy access to sex. You know, turning you into one of those chicks that will want another shot at it, so that they "try harder" . Don't go there. He's nice and all... but he cannot really appreciate you, that's why he is in the past. Sad, but true. Next ! 2
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 sorry to hear that, girl Leigh, that man had unreasonable expectations from himself and from his feelings. He never will find someone who will quite match up to his expectations. You are supposed to be enough. You ARE enough. Cut him loose and please don't get pooled into this "nice guy" game, I am also suspecting he wants to mindfck you so that he gets easy access to sex. You know, turning you into one of those chicks that will want another shot at it, so that they "try harder" . Don't go there. He's nice and all... but he cannot really appreciate you, that's why he is in the past. Sad, but true. Next ! I think he's a really nice guy with a heart of gold. He realized he didn't have strong enough feelings to want a relationship. That's all. I don't believe he will try for sex. He was crying and visibly shaken when we said goodbye. He does appreciate me. He really likes me as a person. He just can't fall in love with me and men KNOW the women that they fall hard for. He would have grown into loving me but he wouldn't have fallen in love. 1
candie13 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I believe that you are convinced about what reality is. I guess my only point is, when dating, that a girl should believe (almost) nothing she hears and only half of what she sees. Watch his behavior in an almost clinical way, that's the most closest you'll ever get to an objective reality. Anyways, kudos to him for being so intouch with his feelings and for knowing so well what he is after, that's really rare, when it comes to men and dating. Your post, also sad, brings me hope - for both you and I. There are some good men out there . 1
regine_phalange Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 He seems to be a sweet quality guy since he was so concerned about you. Well, he gave you closure and tried to be honest so that's a good thing for you both. I don't think he will come back since he said goodbye and made things clear. Sometimes we know a person is beautiful, good and intelligent, but that's not enough. And then we meet someone that we like for no reason or weird reasons, and this seems to be a stronger feeling. Like a natural strong sympathy that's unconditional. Fair? I don't know. But I understand his reason.
ascendotum Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I do think think he played me. I think I he did genuinely was the to date me and then his feelings just didn't develop. I don't think this guy lied or led me on. I think he's a very honest guy. Someone said recently that many young women road test guys these days with sex. So its fair that quite a few guys will date a woman for few weeks to see if he thinks she is worthwhile for a relationship and if he breaks up with her its totally legitimate that he was not feeling the strong chemistry for her despite sleeping with her. This could be your situation with him. I guess you will know best having spent time with him but the smooth operators know what they are doing and will leave a women feeling like he was sincere and not played for a fling. Don't doubt for a minute that the 'felt scared when we met because of how he felt for me' + ' He was afraid of getting hurt' are not lines that get used by guys not looking for anything serious from the get go. Its the 'its not you its me' play that makes it seem they are sincere but they are the ones with issues and they are not rejecting you for who you are or just out for fun. Its hard to know who's sincere. If the guy is genuinely sacred of having strong feelings for a women despite saying she is great and the sex is great, then he ideally should be upfront that he is not ready for a serious relatiosnhip yet, so women know what they are going to get (a fling or fwb). 5
casey.lives Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 if he treated you the best.. like he cared about your feeling and delved into our person with great interest and respects you and your wishes and protected you... he surely will be missed.. yup
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 He was totally honest and told me that a soon as he knew he had trouble with envisioning me as his wife he knew it wasn't meant to be. Although things "just clicked" so well initially, he started to feel that he had doubts. He felt AWFUL. He hates hurting people.. He told me as soon as he was having the doubts...I mean he gave the doubts a day to stew over... As ending things was something he knew would make him really sad. He did the right thing. He didn't string me along for sex.... He didn't use me..He just realized that he wasn't into me enough for a relationship.
candie13 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Leigh... here's a trick that my therapist taught me. Stop talking about him. what he does, how he feels, what he thinks, it's only his responsibility. And there is no way of checking the truth in it. The only thing that matters to you and the only thing that you need to take care of is yourself. How do you feel. Did you see it coming. Are you ok - fine letting it go. ok, we got it, seems like he's legit and a nice guy. I believe you. Now focus on getting closure, moving on and on staying well.
Brigit_1 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 He broke it off because he says he only dates girls if he believes they are a girl he can see himself potentially marrying. Hey Leigh, welcome back. This guy sounds like he's playing mind games with you. I'm going to give you a head start on this so you won't be victimized. His behavior seems a bit cruel and illogical. He might be narcissistic or just a plain dickhead. Don't be surprised if he comes and goes with his feelings and tries to get you to do weird sexual stuff. I'm not saying he's going to do these things but if he does I want you to be one step ahead. Read about both "gas lighting" and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Stay safe. 2
Brigit_1 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 This. Most likely playing you. Says he cares for you, and the sex is great, but needs to break up with you? I think he is staying in touch so he can keep you on the side. You aren't angry that he broke up with you, and keep talking to him. If he suggests getting together one day, you'll know I was right. Enigma please explain to Leigh some of the crap men pull on women to get them to do what they want. 3
Brigit_1 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I think he's a really nice guy with a heart of gold. He realized he didn't have strong enough feelings to want a relationship. That's all. I don't believe he will try for sex. He was crying and visibly shaken when we said goodbye. He does appreciate me. He really likes me as a person. He just can't fall in love with me and men KNOW the women that they fall hard for. He would have grown into loving me but he wouldn't have fallen in love. ...this guy is good. Ask him if he ever wanted to go into acting. 3
Brigit_1 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 He felt AWFUL. He hates hurting people.. He told me as soon as he was having the doubts...I mean he gave the doubts a day to stew over... As ending things was something he knew would make him really sad. OMG...Leigh...Leigh please read up on Antisocial Personality Disorder as well. Everyone on this thread can see what this guy is but you because you slept with him and bonded with him. You are normal. This guy isn't.
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 Sorry but I believe he is a really nice guy. 1
Brigit_1 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Sorry but I believe he is a really nice guy. You know what? It doesn't matter if he was genuine or he wasn't. The relationship is over and you will now need to grieve. Hugs.
elaine567 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 He pretty much lost interest in all other women immediately. He was intrigued by me, asked to be exclusive right after date two (although explicit stating that it still wasn't a relationship) He cared about me and other men. I went out once and he said he felt weird and a little off a out it and needed reassurance. Which I gave him and then he was fine .....but the idea if me with other men irked him the way it usually would in a relationship context ? If that makes any sense. He was totally honest and told me that a soon as he knew he had trouble with envisioning me as his wife he knew it wasn't meant to be. A He was all caught up in the moment - he wanted exclusive from the get go. He saw potential. THEN you again go out with another man, (just like the last time I may add) and his idea of "wife material" went up in a puff of smoke. From wonderful and special, you went down in his estimation to just another idiotic, self absorbed girl chasing other men because she can. I know this multi-dating culture is the norm, but sometimes, good old respect for the feelings of those who want exclusivity and to be dating only one person at a time, needs taken into consideration. 5
jay1983 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Enigma please explain to Leigh some of the crap men pull on women to get them to do what they want. No Enigma stop givin away our secrets. Fu*kin cock blocker! 4
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