tanwhite Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Would love a male perspective Hello to all.. I will try to be brief. I met a guy online and after our 1st date I didn't hear from him. After a few weeks he reached out and after a few weeks of playful texting he suggested we get together. I told him I would have been lying I wasn't looking for more but I was attracted to him so what the heck,...he thanked me for my honesty and said I was still welcome to come over. I figured why not. I've been single for ever and honestly needed some human contact. I def knew that there would be a chance that I would end up liking him. Of course that is exactly what happened. The "booty calls" have been really nice. I don't go over late at night. He always cooks dinner, we watch TV and then..... He's from Switzerland and is very formal...maybe its just good manners, idk but I'm really impressed at how well we get along. I know this is a booty call situation bc I only hear from him when he wants to get together but I can't help but wonder if there is potential for more. We have only had 4 dates in total. Is it too soon to tell him I'd like more or should I just wait and see. I like seeing him and I think he likes me too. There is def chemistry there but since I only hear from him for sex I think its clear he may just WANT sex. Thoughts??
Amalyn Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Sure you can tell him. But there is a chance you will never hear from him again. I've been in this situation before. I didn't even realize I was a booty call until I asked him how we were spending his birthday and I could literally see the fright in his eyes. Then.... He pulled the fade away. Be prepared he may not want the same. I realize you set the ground rules, but there's a good chance he's become accustom to the way the relationship is.
fitnessfan365 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I can only speak for myself. But when I'm serious about a woman, I actually delay having sex with her and plan actual dates. When I don't see a woman as relationship material, sex has always happened quickly and we always just end up "staying in". In all honesty, I don't see this guy ever wanting more with you. If he did, he'd make more of an effort to court you from the get go. Here's something I find to be ironic. When I've decided to have casual flings with certain women, I'm always honest about my intentions. I never lead them on. Plus, all we do is just watch TV and have sex a few times a week with no effort at all on my part. Yet they fall for me every time without fail. The second they say they have serious feelings for me and want a relationship, I end it. I don't continue to see them after that because as I said, I never lead women on. But a lot of the women I've wanted relationships with where I make an effort and take my time, wind up being commitment phobic. Frustrating! 2
Amalyn Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I can only speak for myself. But when I'm serious about a woman, I actually delay having sex with her and plan actual dates. When I don't see a woman as relationship material, sex has always happened quickly and we always just end up "staying in". In all honesty, I don't see this guy ever wanting more with you. If he did, he'd make more of an effort to court you from the get go. Here's something I find to be ironic. When I've decided to have casual flings with certain women, I'm always honest about my intentions. I never lead them on. Plus, all we do is just watch TV and have sex a few times a week with no effort at all on my part. Yet they fall for me every time without fail. The second they say they have serious feelings for me and want a relationship, I end it. I don't continue to see them after that because as I said, I never lead women on. But a lot of the women I've wanted relationships with where I make an effort and take my time, wind up being commitment phobic. Frustrating! I was going to mention the TV part and just "hanging out". That is a red flag of a guy who doesn't want to be in a relationship. The guy I was referring to never took me out anywhere or on any dates. All we ever did was "hang out" and watch TV or a movie and, of course, have sex. He'd occasionally cook for me. The one and only time he actually asked me if I wanted to do something the next coming Saturday (which made me excited thinking I was going on a date), it ended up he was inviting me to his house party.... not a date.
fitnessfan365 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 (edited) I was going to mention the TV part and just "hanging out". That is a red flag of a guy who doesn't want to be in a relationship. The guy I was referring to never took me out anywhere or on any dates. All we ever did was "hang out" and watch TV or a movie and, of course, have sex. He'd occasionally cook for me. The one and only time he actually asked me if I wanted to do something the next coming Saturday (which made me excited thinking I was going on a date), it ended up he was inviting me to his house party.... not a date. Was he honest with his intentions going in, or did he lead you to believe he wanted a relationship? One thing I do pride myself on is being honest. So that's why it's always confused me why the casual women end up wanting more. I was VERY upfront about what I was looking for from them, and then I'd back that up with putting no effort in. It's like they think that having sex will change my mind in the long run. But when a guy tells you point blank, he'll never want anything more he says that for a reason. I just wish that some of the women who I made a relationship effort with went after one in return with the determination those other ladies did..LOL That's why my romantic life has been out of sync for so many years. But I'm finally at a place in my life now where I no longer have casual sex. Edited July 20, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Amalyn Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Was he honest with his intentions going in, or did he lead you to believe he wanted a relationship? One thing I do pride myself on is being honest. So that's why it's always confused me why the casual women end up wanting more. I was VERY upfront about what I was looking for from them, and then I'd back that up with putting no effort in. It's like they think that having sex will change my mind in the long run. But when a guy tells you point blank, he'll never want anything more he says that for a reason. I just wish that some of the women who I made a relationship effort with went after one in return with the determination those other ladies did..LOL That's why my romantic life has been out of sync for so many years. But I'm finally at a place in my life now where I no longer have casual sex. No. This guy never mentioned anything about me being a booty call. He actually would say he told all his friends how much he liked me.. Little things like that. There was never any indication that he didn't want a relationship.
yxalitis Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Just ask him...! All this tooing and froing and dillying about....! ASK HIM! 1
smackie9 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 He's being very cautious as to not be clingy to scare you away. Remember you were the one who said you were not looking for more. Him making these meet ups extra special by cooking you dinner and actually getting to know you. When he says he has told all his friends about you....good god if that isn't a hint I don't know what is. Just tell him you really like him and would hope he feels the same way and to take this to the next level. 1
Author tanwhite Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 Thanks everyone for ur replies. I guess I won't know until I ask.
xcupid Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Based on what you have told us so far don't expect to be anything more than a booty call. The stage was set when you started being that. This situation is the answer to a guy's prayers - no strings attached sex when he wants it. Very doubtful he has long term relationship potential at all. In fact, would you want to be with a guy who treats you like that? He isn't treating you the way you deserve. He might be formal and nice and cook you dinners but he's not romancing you or wooing you. He's not taking you out on proper dates. (I'm assuming your "dates" are the booty calls?)
Redhead14 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Would love a male perspective Hello to all.. I will try to be brief. I met a guy online and after our 1st date I didn't hear from him. After a few weeks he reached out and after a few weeks of playful texting he suggested we get together. I told him I would have been lying I wasn't looking for more but I was attracted to him so what the heck,...he thanked me for my honesty and said I was still welcome to come over. I figured why not. I've been single for ever and honestly needed some human contact. I def knew that there would be a chance that I would end up liking him. Of course that is exactly what happened. The "booty calls" have been really nice. I don't go over late at night. He always cooks dinner, we watch TV and then..... He's from Switzerland and is very formal...maybe its just good manners, idk but I'm really impressed at how well we get along. I know this is a booty call situation bc I only hear from him when he wants to get together but I can't help but wonder if there is potential for more. We have only had 4 dates in total. Is it too soon to tell him I'd like more or should I just wait and see. I like seeing him and I think he likes me too. There is def chemistry there but since I only hear from him for sex I think its clear he may just WANT sex. Thoughts?? Have you had a casual conversation with him about what you each are looking for for yourselves out of your dating journeys? That should have happened by now. Not saying with each other yet, because neither of you should know that yet.
infiniteQuest Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 You have to be honest with yourself first and ask yourself whether you can realistically entertain a no-strings attached sex thing with him. That's the only thing that matters, is that you know what you want. Remember that your judgement as a woman gets clouded as soon as you start having sex with a guy and your hormones rush in and make you more attached to him than you otherwise be. Try to take a step back and see if the benefit of having sex now will warrant a potential heartbreak later. If yes, then see where it goes, and let the relationship run its course if it so happens. It's ok to experiment for some time, but go in with eyes wide open. If no, and you are the type to get really attached, there's nothing wrong with telling him that exclusivity is very important to you because you know you will end up developing feelings towards the person you're sleeping with. You need to ask for what you want, but first you have to know what you want.
Author tanwhite Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 You have to be honest with yourself first and ask yourself whether you can realistically entertain a no-strings attached sex thing with him. That's the only thing that matters, is that you know what you want. Remember that your judgement as a woman gets clouded as soon as you start having sex with a guy and your hormones rush in and make you more attached to him than you otherwise be. Try to take a step back and see if the benefit of having sex now will warrant a potential heartbreak later. If yes, then see where it goes, and let the relationship run its course if it so happens. It's ok to experiment for some time, but go in with eyes wide open. If no, and you are the type to get really attached, there's nothing wrong with telling him that exclusivity is very important to you because you know you will end up developing feelings towards the person you're sleeping with. You need to ask for what you want, but first you have to know what you want. Thanks for your reply. Everything that everyone has said makes sense. We haven't established anything. I'm not going to guess what's going on in his head but I know I will not move forward until I do. I've been down this road before and I know how this could end. I'm going to at least give him the benefit of the doubt and ask him. If he's not looking for more than I know what to do.
PogoStick Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 If he said he's only interested in something casual then it's in your best interest to believe him. You're free to approach the subject of a relationship anytime but know it's not likely to go the way you would like, even if he "agrees" to it.
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