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Why can't some people admit that looks matter and are objective?

Idontalways

By Idontalways
in General Relationship Discussion

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Idontalways New Member

Idontalways

Posted
Posted

Let's take me and my friend as examples here. We both go back a long way, went to the same HS and college. I am not good looking but not ugly either. My friend is beautiful and good looking, he looks like Brad Pitt. For as long as I can remember, he has always had girls after him without lifting a finger. He always had no problem getting to know them since they would often inititate contact with him. And at parties they were more straightforward.

 

I mean, I don't blame him. He looks GOOD after all. He has beautiful eyes and a great face while there is nothing remarkable about me after all. Like I said, I am definitely not ugly but it's not like I look like a model which would make a girl drop their jaw and approach me.

Both him and I have the same interests and personalities which is why we are close friends. He was never more "social, open or confident" than I ever was. He just seemed like that as a result of him looking good.

 

But why do many people, especially girls, still deny that looks play a large part in attraction? and that they are objective?

 

I mean, let's get real. A guy that looks like a young Brad Pitt is obviously better looking than say, the actor that played the main character in the first Transformers movies? There is no denying that really and I am sure the majority if not all would agree.

RoseVille Established Member

RoseVille

Posted
Posted

Physical attractiveness is absolutely NOT objective. What I find attractive, someone else might not. Brad Pitt does nothing for me.

 

And even someone who I might find physically attractive can be ugly as hell once I get to know them, whereas someone who's quite blah and plain at first glance can become the sexiest most attractive man alive once I get to know his soul.

  • Like 7
minimariah Established Member

minimariah

Posted
Posted
A guy that looks like a young Brad Pitt is obviously better looking than say, the actor that played the main character in the first Transformers movies?

 

he is -- but i personally find Shia LaBeouf 10x sexier than Brad. Brad is like a really nice & beautiful painting i'll admire for hours... but Shia is the painting i'd definitely want to take home, you know?

 

and please be confident & work on that. nothing sexier than a confident man, strong man... man who is SURE of himself, who KNOWS himself. and i'm taking about that confidence that comes from self - love, not from validation other folks give you.

 

looks are objective in a way that there are a certain standards of beauty... as in we can objectively agree that Pitt is a gorgeous man just like we can objectively agree that Angelina Jolie is a gorgeous woman. however... not everyone will find Pitt attractive, not everyone will find Jolie attractive. so ATTRACTION is most definitely subjective & it depends on a lot of things... not just looks.

  • Like 5
MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted (edited)

Looks may be objective, to a degree...they are also very much culturally dependent often, as what is one culture's beauty standard that maybe many people agree on, in another society that is not at all the majority's idea of beautiful.

 

However, as others have pointed out, ATTRACTION is subjective...and attraction is what counts in dating and it's like the point many people fail to get in these "why won't people admit looks are objective" discussions.

 

We might be able to agree that a man or woman is good looking yet feel no attraction towards them. I can separate good looking from being attracted to. I am not automatically attracted to every good looking man. In fact, I've been unbelievably attracted to some men who I can say to myself, he isn't very good looking at all but just SOMETHING about him is appealing to me. Sometimes we can't quite put our finger on why someone is attractive to us or how we come to see someone as incredibly hot, even though we may admit they are not the best looking. Dating is not simply about chasing after the best looking person, but it's who you feel attracted to, and that is not always the most good looking person in the room. Just two days ago my friend and I were talking about this one guy who many of the girls used to fall over in college and we were like you know...he's not a looker. He has a very weird face. "Objectively" other guys looked FAR better, yet he was very charming, charismatic, funny, good with words, had a very nice voice, was a gentleman and just knew how to speak to a woman in a way that had from grown women to little girls blushing and swooning. He was quite attractive and attracted lots of women to him but it was not at all because he was so hot and beautiful to look at.

Edited by MissBee
  • Like 1
NoMoreGamez New Member

NoMoreGamez

Posted
Posted

Looks are totally objective. It's the trick we play on ourselves to keep the human race alive!!

 

Looks are like music, art, food, anything with "taste".

 

Yeah, so one person likes prime rib, another finds it disgusting.

 

But that is stupid. If I make the blanket statement "I had dinner last night and had the best Prime Rib!!" I'm pretty sure nobody is going to say, "but prime rib is not that great? Not everybody likes it?"

 

Wheras if I said "I had dinner last night had the best Cow Tongue!!!"

 

You may get a "huh?". The reactions alone prove the point.

 

So to say, "why is it that prime rib is always liked, and cow tongue is seen as less good"?

 

That is a valid question.

 

And the answer is: Because more people know, tried, and seen prime rib, and prime rib is more proven to more people. Few people tried cow tongue, and of those who have, some found it delicious and others found it gross.

 

 

So giving a stranger a choice, the majority would pick the prime rib.

 

I THINK this is sort of inherently known to most teenagers, the concept of looks mattering. And they say it bluntly, because kids are unfiltered.

 

As adults, we stop talking about it, because it's a signifier we are still stuck in the teen years and not grown up.

 

 

But we know it, inside our deep conscious, we just form a sort of mass amnesia because some truths hurt, and we become

compassionate beings who try to include everybody in the "feel good" lie... because we care.

 

Oh, and because some ugly people screw really good. And make the best art. Wooo hooo. Seeexxxxy. Lol.

  • Like 2
minimariah Established Member

minimariah

Posted
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Looks may be objective, to a degree...they are also very much culturally dependent often...

 

this -- culture plays a huge role in what we consider to be beautiful. folks in France and a tribe in Amazona won't for sure have same views on what's beautiful which is another proof of how culturally & socially determined "beauty" is. we are being taught, since early days, exactly WHAT is beautiful (skinny, narrow nose, big eyes, big lips, high cheekbones, big boobs, tall, big ass, lighter skin)... so it's something that people actually LEARN, more than recognize & feel. people are often unaware of how manipulated they are by the society and the culture they're surrounded with.

Edited by minimariah
  • Like 3
Thegameoflife Established Member

Thegameoflife

Posted
Posted

Looks are subjective. However, usually a person who is considered to be good looking, means the majority or at least a large group have that subjective attraction to that person.

 

I don't look just like Brad Pitt, but I'm blonde, blue eyed, tall, and attractive to some. My luck with women comes down to statistics. Men with my traits are a minority. However, a large percentage of women find those traits attractive. That group of women is vastly larger than the number of guys with those traits. Large demand and small supply increases my value to women. I enjoy the attention, although I'm off the market.

RoseVille Established Member

RoseVille

Posted
Posted

^^ Blonde men aren't attractive to me.

  • Like 4
Imported Established Member

Imported

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Looks are subjective. Like how I prefer a Mila Kunis type/looks over a Marilyn Monroe type/looks. That's subjective.

 

Subjective is not like how I am not even considering a Rosie Odonald.

 

A lot of people like chocolate ice cream, a few weirdo's like octopus ice cream. Totally subjective.

 

There is someone for everyone OP! However, if you're more like Octopus ice cream, those someones are very limited. If you're like chocolate ice cream, those someones will be never-ending.

 

 

Subjective is also like how if I know as fact I will never get a Mila Kunis or even a Marilyn Monroe "type/looks" and would be struggling to even get a Rosie Odonald, than of course ...well...you know...sour grapes.

Edited by Imported
  • Like 1
Thegameoflife Established Member

Thegameoflife

Posted
Posted
^^ Blonde men aren't attractive to me.

 

Most women aren't. However the ones that are, outnumber us by multiple times. If you're a brunette guy, your odds are in the negatives.

casey.lives Established Member

casey.lives

Posted
Posted (edited)

looks do matter. you need to desire a person but.. to single out a person solely on looks and treat them with special reverence only because of how you like their look is preposterous. i care about looks but i don't alter my behavior or give you special treatment based on it.. i observe you and then decide if i like you. But yes looks do matter but like Dick Solomon(3rd Rock from the sun) said: i didn't choose my body.. There's no real merit to being good looking or certain looking. Ultimately Love is based on a well-rounded knowledge of a person's strength and weaknesses. It takes a lot of time to cultivate love, you have to move past the stage of attraction .

Edited by casey.lives
  • Like 1
autumnnight Established Member

autumnnight

Posted
Posted

You know, I really don't like it when someone tells me how I should think or tells me that what I say I think is incorrect.

 

I'm not a fan of blonde men either. And, for me, looks ARE subjective. If you look at the people I have dated since my dating career started, they are all over the map looks-wise.

 

Honestly, this sounds like yet another "there's nothing I can do about it and it's not my fault I can't date dates with the narrow type of woman I want" theme.

  • Like 3
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Looks do matter but they are subjective. What one person thinks is sexy another may find repulsive.

 

 

To use the OP's example, I think Brad Pitt is ugly.

 

 

It's kind of like saying that everybody in the world thinks the same flavor of ice cream is delicious. It's simply not true & that is why there are various flavors.

 

 

As for people saying looks don't matter, what they mean is the best looking person in the world with the blackest soul, who is not intelligent, or is outright mean, is not attractive as a whole package.

  • Like 2
Brigit_1 Established Member

Brigit_1

Posted
Posted
^^ Blonde men aren't attractive to me.

 

What about Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgård)?

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_Northman

 

I tend to only be attracted to men with dark hair and dark eyes IRL but I'd make an exception for Mr. Northman.

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Idontalways New Member

Idontalways

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
You know, I really don't like it when someone tells me how I should think or tells me that what I say I think is incorrect.

 

I'm not a fan of blonde men either. And, for me, looks ARE subjective. If you look at the people I have dated since my dating career started, they are all over the map looks-wise.

 

Honestly, this sounds like yet another "there's nothing I can do about it and it's not my fault I can't date dates with the narrow type of woman I want" theme.

 

Well, they do matter because if they didn't then I would be getting the same attention and girls that my friend has been, right?

It's not like i am saying that i am a virgin and nobody wants me, which is not true. All I am saying is that my friend has a hell of a lot easier time to get girls because he as a better looking face.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
BetheButterfly Established Member

BetheButterfly

Posted
Posted

 

But why do many people, especially girls, still deny that looks play a large part in attraction? and that they are objective?

/QUOTE]

 

I don't think that girls do deny that looks play a large part in attraction. I've never heard a girl deny that. I've never denied that.

 

I adore my husband's looks... they are the first thing that attracted me to him, the first thing I saw was his appearance.

 

However, his appearance is not the only thing that attracted me to him. His kindness, his humor, his convictions and a whole lot more is what sealed the deal for me. :love:

  • Like 2
autumnnight Established Member

autumnnight

Posted
Posted (edited)
Well, they do matter because if they didn't then I would be getting the same attention and girls that my friend has been, right?

It's not like i am saying that i am a virgin and nobody wants me, which is not true. All I am saying is that my friend has a hell of a lot easier time to get girls because he as a better looking face.

 

Or maybe these girls just find his personality more attractive.

 

 

If you have enough going for you besides looks, then looks won't be a handicap.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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  • Like 1
danmillar Established Member

danmillar

Posted
Posted
Let's take me and my friend as examples here. We both go back a long way, went to the same HS and college. I am not good looking but not ugly either. My friend is beautiful and good looking, he looks like Brad Pitt. For as long as I can remember, he has always had girls after him without lifting a finger. He always had no problem getting to know them since they would often inititate contact with him. And at parties they were more straightforward.

 

I am definitely not ugly but it's not like I look like a model which would make a girl drop their jaw and approach me.

 

Yeah, I know what you mean. I was approached by 12 or 13 women over the course of the last few nights I've been out. Several of those women approached several times, as well.

 

Not only did they approach, they also did the hard work of shooing away other guys.

Renton Member

Renton

Posted
Posted
^^ Blonde men aren't attractive to me.

 

Not sure many women would tell Chris Hemsworth to "jog on" :D

AD1980 Established Member

AD1980

Posted
Posted

Looks arent that subjective..my good looking friend has never been rejected by a women my ugly ass has never been accepted by one..

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted
Not sure many women would tell Chris Hemsworth to "jog on" :D

 

He's handsome. Handsome doesn't equal sexy. Sexy is largely about behavior.

  • Like 3
Phoe Established Member

Phoe

Posted
Posted
Not sure many women would tell Chris Hemsworth to "jog on" :D

 

I don't find Chris Hemsworth attractive. I can see that he is a good looking guy, but I personally just don't have any attraction towards him. Not my type at all. And fwiw, I feel the same about Brad Pitt.

 

I'm with Roseville. Blondes have never really caught my eye. Dark hair is more attractive to me.

  • Like 4
AD1980 Established Member

AD1980

Posted
Posted
He's handsome. Handsome doesn't equal sexy. Sexy is largely about behavior.

 

 

Handsome makes it a lot easier to get to sexy territory..some of us are too far away from there physically to ever get to sexy lol

RoseVille Established Member

RoseVille

Posted
Posted
Not sure many women would tell Chris Hemsworth to "jog on" :D

 

I'd ask him where his brother is. :love:

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