Thegreatfrazzle Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Me and my ex girlfriend broke up about 5 months ago, after a 1 year long relationship. I loved her with all my heart and she did say she loved me, in fact we made it a habit to say it at least once before bed. However about 4 months before we broke up she had some family related issues, which really affected her and it got so bad that for a few weeks she would call me crying and I would drive straight round her house to comfort her so many times. I did so much to help her through this time and on multiple occasions she thanked me, told me how much she loves me and said how much harder it would be without me. Fast forward 3 months, she starts to feel much better. And slowly she stops messaging me as often, to a stage where it went a few days without any contact. I thought hey, she justs needs some space to get her head straight, fine. But soon pictures of her and her friends pop up on facebook, and then more the next day. I ask her about it and this eventually leads to a bit of an argument resulting in her saying that she doesn't know what she wants. Still in love with her at this time, I press her to make a decision and she breaks up with me a few weeks after. We were messaging for a week before we initiate no contact because we couldn't talk without bringing up our relationship. At first I am upset, depressed and sad all the time, but soon I got better. As my feelings went away, I realised how terribly she had treated me and how much she has changed as a person compared to when we met. I really miss the good times we had, and i still care for her, but she really hurt me and I don't know how we can ever have anything to do with each other. We haven't had any contact for 5 ish months, (except being weak and looking at her facebook like once a fortnight), and yesterday she messaged me asking how I was. She seems to have moved on completely, but doesn't have another boyfriend. What should I reply? She really hurt me, but I still miss her. Even if we both wanted to get back together which I doubt she does, I'm working abroad in a few months time so it wouldn't be possible. I don't know whether to tell her how awfully she treated me and perhaps get some closure, since I never told her how much she hurt me, or pretend that I am fully over it and that I forgive her?
Author Thegreatfrazzle Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 There is a small chance we could get back together in the future, so I am so torn between hating her for what she did to me and missing her and forgiving her because of the tough time she went through. I don't want to jepordise any chance of happiness together in the future just to get my anger out, but I don't want her to move on with someone else without knowing how much she screwed me over!
BriNyc82 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 What did she do to hurt you or treat you badly? You say she "seems" to have moved on but you can't be sure of that. I wouldn't pretend anything. Just be honest.
darkbloom Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 You still have feelings for her so I would not reapond. I bet she has a pretty good idea of how much she hurt you but she's testing the waters. If you want to stay on your path of healing and moving forward then the best response is none at all. Closure comes from within. Not from her. Also, protip, nothing makes a girl crazier than silence. 2
Gus Grimly Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 She holds a lot of power over you even after 5 months NC. You are still healing, telling her how angry you are and the pain she caused you won't do anything to remove the wounds. Life gives us loss and pain, you need to accept your wounds as part of your past, your choice is to decide how you'll move forward. Should you open old wounds or focus on the future? Just remember there is no such thing as "closure". The pain may fade, but those memory will never go away. 2
aloneinaz Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Dude.. do the right thing. DON'T reply to her. You don't owe her anything, to include a reply. She $hit all over you and then dumped you. You said multiple times she treated you poorly. There's no reason to open yourself up to any contact w/her as it may set you back. Focus on you and your future abroad. She had her chance w/you and kicked your butt to the curb. In all likelihood, she's only bored and hasn't heard from you, so she's going to see if you'll bit on the hook she's throwing in the water. Don't stroke her ego and reply. She's your past and wasn't a decent person according to you either. You've had lots of time post break up. I hope your dating and looking forward to finding someone new who'll appreciate what you have to offer. She clearly didn't and as such, deserves to hear radio silence from your end. As already stated, silence speaks volumes... 3
Author Thegreatfrazzle Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 What did she do to hurt you or treat you badly? You say she "seems" to have moved on but you can't be sure of that. I wouldn't pretend anything. Just be honest. Well firstly she broke up with me after I did so much for her, she refused to spend time with me on occasions and offered no reason why, rarely went of her way for me or do anything 'nice' for me during our relationship, she was often very rude to me at times, and worst of all she said that she just wanted 'to forget a lot of what has happened in the past year because it was just so painful'. I asked if I was included in that and she said 'honestly, yes'. Basically meaning that I remind her of the bad times, even though I was there helping her through it. 1
Author Thegreatfrazzle Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 Dude.. do the right thing. DON'T reply to her. You don't owe her anything, to include a reply. She $hit all over you and then dumped you. You said multiple times she treated you poorly. There's no reason to open yourself up to any contact w/her as it may set you back. Focus on you and your future abroad. She had her chance w/you and kicked your butt to the curb. In all likelihood, she's only bored and hasn't heard from you, so she's going to see if you'll bit on the hook she's throwing in the water. Don't stroke her ego and reply. She's your past and wasn't a decent person according to you either. You've had lots of time post break up. I hope your dating and looking forward to finding someone new who'll appreciate what you have to offer. She clearly didn't and as such, deserves to hear radio silence from your end. As already stated, silence speaks volumes... I know how much she mistreated me, which is why I hate myself for missing her. I honestly don't like her, but I keep remembering the good memories which makes it harder to want nothing to do with her, If she asked if we could restart our relationship I honestly don't know what I would say. I will take your advice and ignore her I think. She really lost out because I would have done anything for her, and she's going to be even more alone soon because most of her friends are going to college soon after I leave the country. Thanks for your help 2
mightycpa Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I honestly don't like her, but I keep remembering the good memories which makes it harder to want nothing to do with her. I had one of those once. You hang in there, and remember those things you didn't like. Write them down every day if you have to. One day soon, that bubble of illusion you're in will pop, and you will be done for the rest of your life. Complete indifference is coming your way, and it will feel great. Then you can answer her text. 3
foolinlove79 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 It doesnt mean anything. I dont know why dumpers play sick games like this. I think its because they have no idea how much they hurt you. Ive had how you going and happy birthday. Like i wanted to hear from that prick on my birthday. All the while he is seeing someone else. Dont respond. It really is a step back not forward
Author Thegreatfrazzle Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 Thanks for the advice guys, really helps
Author Thegreatfrazzle Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 I had one of those once. You hang in there, and remember those things you didn't like. Write them down every day if you have to. One day soon, that bubble of illusion you're in will pop, and you will be done for the rest of your life. Complete indifference is coming your way, and it will feel great. Then you can answer her text. How long did it take you to get over your ex? I have had times where I think I am fully over her, but then it comes flooding back.
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