Blaquesheep Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 My ex once said whenever I cried, it aroused him. Whenever I stayed at his house, he would monitor how much water and electric I used. During the courtship, no intimate dates. If we went out, I felt major anxiety when the bill came. I've treated ppl to dinner, no problem, but when your the one who asks me out, shouldn't you pay??? Or at least ask beforehand if we can go Dutch. He always wanted to have sex with me from the back. And that never lasted long. No candles, music, not one ounce of effort to be romantic. He always kissed me with his eyes open, thinking back it sometimes felt forced. Always felt like I was walking on eggshells around him. He was either really hot or very cold. I felt like I was going out my way to makesure I did whatever I could to makesure he was comfortable, at all times. These are some of the things that are constantly being replayed in my head. Day 1 of another attempt of NC. I have to get over this, anything else would be distrespecting myself. I am tired of doing that. With this guy, I cried way more than I laughed and that's my biggest red flag.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 The water and electricity would have sent me running! Seriously! Stop ruminating and get to living. Build it and they will come. Nurture, love and meet all your own needs and you will be in place ripe for whatever better comes along! I'm sure you'll ask yourself WTH was I thinking! Good luck!!
BriNyc82 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Blquesheep that does sound like he's got some issues!monitoring electricity? Getting turned on by someone crying? He sounds like a psychopath lol And also like he's got control issues. Hindsight is always 20/20! I saw red flags too and I noted them below but I never knew what to do with the flags. Next time I will be sure to speak up and not just tuck away the flags. Thought I would contribute my flags: 1. Taking negatively about ex on first date. 2. Told me a few weeks in that he was canceling dates with other women bc he didn't want to waste his time getting to know other women and only focus on me 3. Everyone I made a sincere comment he would basically just repeat it back in different words instead of coming up with his own feelings. 4. He wanted to ditch his friends bachelor parties so we could travel. I told him to hang with his friends and that we could always find other weekends for a road trip. (Huge red flag) 5. he never playfully made fun of me. This might sound weird but I wondered why he never could do this. 6. His friends stopped telling him about their engagements, babies,etc. he asked me why they would do this and I said probably bc they think you dont care! 7. He asked me to Easter with his family too early on. I wasn't even his gf yet. I obvi said no 8. He always txt me to check in. Not in a bad way but when I would respond he would say "ok I don't wanna keep you from your friends. Have fun". This was a conplete control thing. He later said he didn't want a relationship bc he didn't want to have to check in with someone. (Go figure that one out!) 9. I can't remember him ever kissing me or hugging me outside of the bedroom. He was bug on PdA. Hand holding. Petting my hair. Hand on back. But no hugs or kisses. 10. Had no problem including me in his world but didn't seem enthusiastic about getting closer to mine Just a few I thought I would share from my learning experience! 1
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