Amas5750 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Did anyone else lose their sense of self after a divorce? I was in a 5 year marriage and I gave it all to him. I gave and gave. He was not overtly abusive but some emotional manipulation probably took place I feel like I lost myself in all of it and the rebound relationship. Anyone else lose sight of what makes THEM happy? Who THEY are? I've lost this sense and how do I get it back?
Morphine Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Did anyone else lose their sense of self after a divorce? I was in a 5 year marriage and I gave it all to him. I gave and gave. He was not overtly abusive but some emotional manipulation probably took place I feel like I lost myself in all of it and the rebound relationship. Anyone else lose sight of what makes THEM happy? Who THEY are? I've lost this sense and how do I get it back? I recently broke up with my gf of 7 years (I was dumped). Affects me so much that I cannot do my work which piles up. I am slowly recovering (reading and replying on these forum helps so much!). I feel the same - I lost myself in this relationship and I have no self-worth. My relationship was always the most important thing, it ruled my life. But this is wrong. YOU must tule YOUR life. Id suggest to focus on yourself. No rebounds. Sex? Well if you find that sex helps that go for it - for me I found that it makes me think of her and makes me depressed. So I decided to spend my single time on me. This is what everyone will say. Especially if you need to look for your sense of self.
Honey565 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Hey there Loving somebody includes losing your identity. It is just like that. That's why people run away from love because in the end, once it is over, you will suffer. But otherwise, you just can't be in love and love somebody deeply, if you always have control? Don't you? Losing your identity and feeling loss of self is just normal. You identify yourself through your relationship, you were not alone, you were him and you. And that is over now. And i know it is so difficult, because i have been there. I was 10 years with somebody, all through my youth, i didn't even remember myself before him. I loved myself through his eyes and then it was gone. But you start slowly that process. You start creating new identity, you start seeing praise in the eyes of other people, friends, family, you build new connections. You try to have successes in other area, in work, hobbies and slowly you build yourself again. In the long run, if you accept this as one huge life lesson and "it just has to be that way, because you never know why that is good or you", you can do great things for yourself. You can discover new great things about yourself, new potentials. For example, people around me tell me that i have became much more open to the world, more emphatic and it allowed me to build great new friendships and to deep existing ones. Before, when i was with him, i was opening myself just in front of him and now i have like 3 other great friends that i tell almost anything and they are so great support. So, i really got something. Love is pain, that is big truth. In love you lose yourself, because there is no other way to love.But good news is, that once it is over, you can get your new self. It won't be maybe old self that you had before him, but it can be totally new person, person that maybe you always wanted to be.
aloneinaz Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 I think what happens is when people fall in love and get in a relationship, they lose their balance in their life. What I mean is when we're single, we have a good friend network, job, hobbies and other interests. Once we're in a relationship and spend the majority of the time with our significant others, we get lazy with the other parts of our lives and lose our balance. Then, the R/S ends and we're all screwed up because our whole lives have revolved around the other person. I know I've been massively guilty of this far too often and am always striving to be cognizant of this.
Honey565 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 I think what happens is when people fall in love and get in a relationship, they lose their balance in their life. What I mean is when we're single, we have a good friend network, job, hobbies and other interests. Once we're in a relationship and spend the majority of the time with our significant others, we get lazy with the other parts of our lives and lose our balance. Then, the R/S ends and we're all screwed up because our whole lives have revolved around the other person. I know I've been massively guilty of this far too often and am always striving to be cognizant of this. This is all true, but it's just like that. You can't be in committed relationship and still have time for friends, hobbies, work, etc..Life changes. And it's just how it is. You cannot truly give yourself in love, and not to lose yourself in some way. The point is just not to try to lose yourself too much, but there is no way to prevent pain if it all ends or loss of identity. If you are trying not to lose too much, you will end up not giving too much. But one must find a measure in it all. And also, with time, learn to deal with the fact that some things end and nothing lasts forever.
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