Ashley S Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Me and this guy are boyfriend and girlfriend, however I have been to many psychologists throughout my life, and they all said I have severe trust issues, and trauma. I do have severe trust issues, thus why I haven't slept with my boyfriend yet. He's very understanding about it, and says "to take the time I need" for us to be intimate. He "loves" me so it's "worth the wait". In the beginning, he was really lovey dovey with me. He told me how he felt, and he said he was in love with me. He said he is a very honest person too. He conveyed so much love to me. Then he started to become just friendly, and not flirty with me, however he was introducing me to everyone as his girlfriend. Now his ex Lizzy messaged him out of nowhere, and I saw the messages. Because he let me see them, because he had "nothing to hide", They weren't flirty on his part, but her on her part she seem to be flirty. I talked to him about it, and said I didn't like how he had a "giddy" reaction when he found out she messaged him. Before we dated, he spoke highly of this girl, and he said this guy Tony messed it up because he was on my bf's facebook and messaged her saying goofy things, so she thought it was my bf, and she blocked him. I said I didn't feel comfortable that he would want us to hang out with his ex considering the fact he was trying to get with her, and spoke highly of her. He understood. He was honest with Lizzy and told her he was dating me. But then, a week later he said his ex Lizzy said she's moving out of state and wanted to see him one last time. He said "I told her that would be up Ashley to come see you." I said "It's not up to me. If you are so desperate and obsessed with this girl, then go visit her." He said that I am making this bigger than it is, but from my perspective. If you are in love with someone, you are not going to care to be friends, or see your ex. He hasn't seen this girl in 3 years, and obviously she wants to see him alone, so that in of itself is weird. If I had an old buddy that had a girlfriend, but I wanted to see him one last time in a platonic way, I would tell him to bring his girlfriend. I wouldn't mind it. He knew that bothered me, and he said "I would never go back into a relationship with her. She's a cool girl, at most I would be friends with her." it wasn't making sense to me cause he said she was a "whore", and he still admits she is. and they haven't spoken in 3 years and she hits him up out of the blue. He has another ex Brittney who is putting him through legal court trouble. He said he wishes he could be friends with her and not have to do with the crap she's putting him through, which i still don't understand. Then we go to a bar, and he was like "I haven't seen Stacy S. in a long time, I'm going to go over and say Hi." I didn't mind that, but it seemed like he kept going over to her, trying to talk to her, and I was just hanging with my buddies. He claims that girl is "skank", and a "whore", but he just wanted to say hi, and talk cause he hasn't seen her in a long time. He keeps saying I am the only one, and he loves me, but these incidents are making me not trust him. Is it insecurity? Or does he sound fishy? What do you get from all of this? Because I don't know if it's my trust issues that are kicking into high gear, or if I have a valid reason?
darkmoon Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 (edited) yes, you have a valid reason - no girlfriend would ooh and aah over some ex/s, what an intrusive ordeal they are, needing to be noticed (me me me) he is colluding with the incident on that date he went over to talk to her several times, pfft, i would discreetly date others, open my options, make myself happy since he is not Edited July 19, 2015 by darkmoon 1
Arieswoman Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 AshleyS, You're being really smart so far, I do have severe trust issues, thus why I haven't slept with my boyfriend yet. you are right to wait until you feel right before having sex. He has another ex Brittney who is putting him through legal court trouble. This is a big red flag. What "court trouble" is this? He claims that girl is "skank", and a "whore", but he just wanted to say hi, and talk cause he hasn't seen her in a long time. So why would he want to see her? That doesn't make sense. does he sound fishy? Yes. Because I don't know if it's my trust issues that are kicking into high gear, or if I have a valid reason? Your intuition is spot-on. This guy isn't into you 100%. If he was he's be so busy spending time with you, he would have the time or inclination to contact his ex's. Personally I would walk, the "court business" is far too much drama. And for goodness sake don't sleep with him. Good luck. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 I think you have valid reasons to be concerned. His actions and his words don't match. If his exes were as awful as he claims, he wouldn't be bothered talking to them. What is the legal trouble with this one ex?
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