So , girlfriend left me and is now dating someone else. ):

[loveforever101]

I really need some advice and or help. My girlfriend and I were dating for quite awhile. One year and seven months to be exact. We were also each others first true loves and this was both of our first real relationship. Well everything was great for a long time until the last couple months before we broke up. She has some trust issues and she always thought that I would cheat on her. Now this caused us too fight a lot near the end because I would get so frustrated with her. I also started to begin to stop trying as hard to make her happy and stuff. So let's just say that the last month we dated was pretty crappy. She decided to end it a couple months ago. Now she has been dating this new guy for about a month and they've been going out and she seems pretty happy but every few days she thinks about coming back and says stuff like she misses me and she loves me. Today however she told me she doesn't love me anymore... how can she do something like this? Our relationship was fine except for the last month. How can she move on so quickly? I still love her and I really do want her back. I need some advice on what to do.

[foolinlove79]

Similar situation to mine. RS fine until the last couple months and that was all that was needed to end it. He is dating someone else but is randomly in contact. Once to apologize and say he missed me. Still randomly checks in. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do. You just have to ride it out. In my opinion moving on so fast is a rebound. Most if these dont work out. Go nc. I bet she contacts you again. Mine always does.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Go total no contact with her.

 

 

She did everything you're asking about because she fell out of love with you.

[loveforever101]

Thanks for the reply. I've tried no contact but she does contact me a lot.. she will always ask things like why are you ignoring me and I miss you or I love you. The longest we've went without talking is three days so she hasn't really had the chance to miss me I don't think. I hope you're right about him being a rebound because I really want a chance to get her back but I know he's one her over for now.

 

And also I read about the whole grass is greener thing... is that a possibility because it seems to make some sense to me.

[quattrob]

It's a waste of time and foolish to wait and hope that someone that ditched you and decided she didn't want you to someday come back to you. You should never ever wait or hope that she does because she destroyed that trust and allowing her to come back will only allow her to destroy that trust again as well as use you because she knows you're so easily manipulated.

 

This is your first love so I'm guessing you're young. These kind of break ups and post break ups happen way too often for first loves and it's really sad that alot of people have to experience this in their lives but this is life. You grow stronger from this and learn.

 

You'll find someone better guaranteed but only when you learn to let go and are ready.

[Morphine]

It is not about trust. It is her confussion what is causinf all these troubles. It is typical GIGS. she wants to keep you close until something better comes up.

 

Wanna get her back? NC for at least 2 months, hit the gym, imrpove yourself, take photos with girls and friends. IF it is GIGS and she trully loves you - she will come back. However, if this happened after 19 months..oh boy, maybe she isnt really in love with you but looks for companionship? My ex had her 1st GIGS at 5 years of relationship.

[loveforever101]

I understand that I can't sit around and wait for her to come back. But I know we really did love each other and I'd like it if she would just take a step back and realize what we had. And yes were both really young, both of us are 18. I just know this is my fault to an extent because I did give up and I took her for granted. But yeah I think I'll do the whole no contact thing and see what happens. I've already blocked her on Facebook and she's been asking if I can unblock her but I know I just need to man up and take care of myself for awhile. Thanks for the reply guys and any more tips would be great.

[quattrob]

It is not about trust. It is her confussion what is causinf all these troubles. It is typical GIGS. she wants to keep you close until something better comes up.

 

Wanna get her back? NC for at least 2 months, hit the gym, imrpove yourself, take photos with girls and friends. IF it is GIGS and she trully loves you - she will come back. However, if this happened after 19 months..oh boy, maybe she isnt really in love with you but looks for companionship? My ex had her 1st GIGS at 5 years of relationship.

 

When someone leaves you when you put trust into being together in a relationship, that is breaking that trust. GIGS is a temptation that broke that trust unfortunately she chose this route.

 

Alot of people don't even know what exactly love is but I can say if they were truly in "love" she would not have left him for another man. Love is deeper than just a "feeling". It's about commitment, sacrifice and doing whatever it takes to be together so as far I see, she fell out of love and these 2 have alot to learn in what it means to love one another.

[quattrob]

I understand that I can't sit around and wait for her to come back. But I know we really did love each other and I'd like it if she would just take a step back and realize what we had. And yes were both really young, both of us are 18. I just know this is my fault to an extent because I did give up and I took her for granted. But yeah I think I'll do the whole no contact thing and see what happens. I've already blocked her on Facebook and she's been asking if I can unblock her but I know I just need to man up and take care of myself for awhile. Thanks for the reply guys and any more tips would be great.

 

I know it's hard to accept but it is your only and best option right now. You're not the first one to say what I bolded from your previous post, alot of people who went through breakups feel and say the exact same thing you said. But at the end of the day that doesn't matter anymore. And if she ever realizes that, by then you wouldn't even care anymore.

[Morphine]

When someone leaves you when you put trust into being together in a relationship, that is breaking that trust. GIGS is a temptation that broke that trust unfortunately she chose this route.

 

Alot of people don't even know what exactly love is but I can say if they were truly in "love" she would not have left him for another man. Love is deeper than just a "feeling". It's about commitment, sacrifice and doing whatever it takes to be together so as far I see, she fell out of love and these 2 have alot to learn in what it means to love one another.

 

If people trully love each other, nothing should break the relationship...unless...

 

....it is GIGS. Love is a complicated feeling, mixture of passion, trust, jealousy, friendship and even anger, disappointment...there are many emotions involved when one is in love. I was dumped by GIGS but I almost dumped her for GIGS before she even done that. But after my GIGS went away I understood how stupid it was to think that if I leave her Id be better of. Iam still in love with her (well, at least this is how I feeel).

 

I also partially believe in saying "if it js meant to be it will be". But only partially. One has to work to regain the love. But one must be sure that this is true love - and only time will tell. AND if she moved on - perhaps she was not in love afterall. Some people are just not meant for each other.

 

It is very impotang to be true to your feelings. If the time passes away and tou are still madly in love with someone - you must pursue her/him. But you MUST BE SURE. I am just 3 weeks post break up and I have awful emotional rollercoaster - i could not possibly say that I am trully IN LOVE WITH HER even though it feels thag way.

[loveforever101]

Love is a very confusing concept to me honestly. I definetly don't think it was a good idea for her to just give up on us like that but she did say she lost her feelings for me. But I think that's more because the new guy stepped in. And she says she's moved on but yet she freaks out if she finds out I text other girls or I block her on Facebook. I'd like to think that she's just going through a GIGS phase but I really don't know. She's never really dated anyone else so maybe she's just curios.

[quattrob]

Love is a very confusing concept to me honestly. I definetly don't think it was a good idea for her to just give up on us like that but she did say she lost her feelings for me. But I think that's more because the new guy stepped in. And she says she's moved on but yet she freaks out if she finds out I text other girls or I block her on Facebook. I'd like to think that she's just going through a GIGS phase but I really don't know. She's never really dated anyone else so maybe she's just curios.

 

And this is why she and perhaps you don't know what it means to love someone. GIGs or not if your foundation of love is true and strong then she would not have left you for someone else. You are just making excuses/reasons for her because you haven't moved on (and that is fine at this point in time) but you need to move on. She have said she has, her post breakup is just her own selfishness nothing really to do with you. If she did care about you, she would either BE WITH YOU or leave you alone but instead she is insecure about her own self so she needs the security and attention of others to make herself feel good and better.

 

I think you are on the right track, moreso than alot of other people. So stick to NC and don't give it any time-line, just give yourself as long as you need to get over her.

[Qboro90]

I understand that I can't sit around and wait for her to come back. But I know we really did love each other and I'd like it if she would just take a step back and realize what we had. And yes were both really young, both of us are 18. I just know this is my fault to an extent because I did give up and I took her for granted. But yeah I think I'll do the whole no contact thing and see what happens. I've already blocked her on Facebook and she's been asking if I can unblock her but I know I just need to man up and take care of myself for awhile. Thanks for the reply guys and any more tips would be great.

 

 

She is toying with you and keeping you on the hook as a second option in case things don't work out with the current guy she's with. You're in the palm of her hand every time you reply to her texts/calls or contact her. How could she want you back when you've never really left??! She wants to know that you still love her and haven't moved on. It's an ego boost for her and she can go about her day knowing that you're still hung up on her and waiting.

 

No contact at all. The only thing you can do before you start no contact is if she texts you "why did you block me or why are you ignoring me?" then you can say something like " I'm not trying to be mean/rude but I'm done being your second option and texting buddy while you date other guys. It's not fair to me having to do that. We split up because you wanted time apart so it's time we actually spend time apart. If you ever need anything obviously I'm here"

Or if you want to really get her to think you can even say "sorry it's just that I've started talking to/seeing someone and I'm not gonna be that ******* guy who still is involved with his ex, you wouldn't want that either" . That'll make her nuts.

 

Key is to actually show her that you're not a doormat who's waiting for her to come back. 3 days without talking is useless and at this point you're still her together, you're just not getting any of the perks that go along with it. It's called "first love" for a reason, guarantee you that you'll have a second. I know when you're 18 you think that she's the girl you'll marry but trust me, she's not. Do not contact or reply to her and enjoy your summer, meet other girls, see what else is out there and show your ex that you're a catch and other girls will steal you away from her if she continues to be indecisive. If she's dating other guys and still talking to you that also shows that she's not head over heels crushing on him/them otherwise she wouldn't feel the need to talk to you at all

[quattrob]

My ex did the same thing, she broke up with me earlier this year but would contact me telling me she missed me but I'm not going to play that kind of game. I told her there is no point for you to tell me that because it doesn't do anything for me. I just cut her out after 3 weeks post breakup. Haven't heard from her for 3 months now except a late night call (probably drunk dialed) but I ignored, feels good. So I know what you're going through OP.

 

I struggled for the first 2 months, I never once reached out because I knew better. When someone doesn't appreciate me and chooses to leave me for whatever reason (it doesn't matter what the reason is) then I will do what is best for only myself. You don't want to get yourself stuck in a hole where you're analyzing, asking pointless questions about her, wondering if she'll come back etc. It's a dark place to be and it does nothing for you except stop you from being the best you.

 

If she comes back she will and is out of your control, whatever is happening in her life doesn't affect you or concern anymore. Anyways like I said in my previous post, you seem like you're on the right track so take as much time as you need and stay strong.

[loveforever101]

Thank you all for replying it means a lot. I have been all over the place for a little over a month but I feel like I'm starting to get back on track. I'm getting my self confidence back which is great. It also helps that my buds told me this guy isn't usually one to stay with a girl too long because he gets bored easy.

[aloneinaz]

Listen, she broke up with you to date other guys. I'm glad to hear you blocked her on social media.

 

 

Now, don't be her door mat or little puppy, waiting for any attention. You don't owe her anything, not a reply to a text, call, email nor anything else. She wants her cake and to eat it too. Don't be that wussy guy who allows that. She's wants to be single and date others, go NC and let her do it.

 

 

At 18, you need to understand that you will have many relationships before you settle down. That's a good thing. You need to experience different woman so you know what's a good fit for you and what's not. You need to sow your oats. This is what she's doing now and you need to be doing the same.

[loveforever101]

So I haven't talked to her all day and she texted me quite a bit saying stuff like I miss us but I really like this other guy and I don't know what to do. Well she just texted me asking if I wanna go out and talk about stuff over lunch. I think its best to keep ignoring her, is that the right call? I really don't see how I could make progress while she's still crushing on this other guy.

[mightycpa]

I really need some advice and or help. My girlfriend and I were dating for quite awhile. One year and seven months to be exact. We were also each others first true loves and this was both of our first real relationship. Well everything was great for a long time until the last couple months before we broke up. She has some trust issues and she always thought that I would cheat on her. Now this caused us too fight a lot near the end because I would get so frustrated with her. I also started to begin to stop trying as hard to make her happy and stuff. So let's just say that the last month we dated was pretty crappy. She decided to end it a couple months ago. Now she has been dating this new guy for about a month and they've been going out and she seems pretty happy but every few days she thinks about coming back and says stuff like she misses me and she loves me. Today however she told me she doesn't love me anymore... how can she do something like this? Our relationship was fine except for the last month. How can she move on so quickly? I still love her and I really do want her back. I need some advice on what to do.

I hate it when they take their problems and try to blame you. Don't you hate that too? You must, because you fought about it.

 

And yet, now you want her back. Not sure what to make of that, except for maybe you remember her different than she actually is.

 

Also, there's a reason people call it a "first" love. Because there's pretty much always a second... for the both of you.

 

It'll get better. Don't worry.

[loveforever101]

I hated how she always thought that yeah but I do still care about her and I guess it just doesn't seem like a big deal to me anymore, as dumb as that sounds its just how I feel.

[aloneinaz]

So I haven't talked to her all day and she texted me quite a bit saying stuff like I miss us but I really like this other guy and I don't know what to do. Well she just texted me asking if I wanna go out and talk about stuff over lunch. I think its best to keep ignoring her, is that the right call? I really don't see how I could make progress while she's still crushing on this other guy.

 

 

OMG.. she REALLY thinks she has you wrapped around her finger, doesn't she?!?! For the love of whoever...don't reply to her. How dare her tell someone she knows still cares/loves her that she really likes this other guy? What is she, like 12? Is she simply stupid or?

 

 

You're going to do what you will but I personally was SSOO never speak with a person like her again. She'd hear nothing but silence from me while I healed and met someone who wanted me.

[infiniteQuest]

Love is a very confusing concept to me honestly. I definetly don't think it was a good idea for her to just give up on us like that but she did say she lost her feelings for me. But I think that's more because the new guy stepped in. And she says she's moved on but yet she freaks out if she finds out I text other girls or I block her on Facebook. I'd like to think that she's just going through a GIGS phase but I really don't know. She's never really dated anyone else so maybe she's just curios.

 

I know you don't want to hear this and yet many people will tell you so because there's a lot of truth to it : at 18, it's just not a good idea to hold on to a relationship for dear life. Many people don't know who they truly are until their late 20's, if even then.

 

From the sounds of it, your ex sounds confused and doesn't know what she wants anymore. Something crawled up her butt and she decided she needed a different experience, but her feelings for you didn't go away. She isn't mature enough to recognize that she needs to be respectful of you and your need to grieve the relationship, and that she needs to leave you alone so you can move on.

 

At this point, your best move is to just do NC and move on. Some people need growing up to do, and unfortunately you can't walk them through life's experiences with words. They need to go out there and make their own mistakes and and do their own learning. I know you still love her madly, but know that it's a normal process of life to go through a learning phase and experimenting. Let her have it, and you'd be better off doing this for yourself too. Just close this chapter, challenge yourself to experiment more on your own, and know that if it's right then you can come back to it later (MUCH later, like after you've forgotten all about this ordeal and a life-changing event somehow brings you back to this). You have plenty of time.

[loveforever101]

Okay so I made a big mistake... I replied to her after she said she wanted to come back. Well I gave her time to think about it and she said she just can't because she loves this new guy (they've only been dating a month) and she said she's changed and we're too different. She also says she doesn't love me anymore.

 

I don't get her at all. She goes back and fourth between wanting to come back and not wanting to. I just want to know the best way to get her back from here. I know everyone will say just move on but right now I'm still interested in her.

[loveforever101]

I'm at day four of no contact... she texted me quite a bit the first day but I haven't heard anything from her since then. No contact is definetly a hard thing to accomplish.