bambootreez Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 (edited) Hey Guys So I recently made a post about dating a gamer girl and how we play a game with each other. The problem is, she treats me with complete disrespect in the game. For example, tonight we were playing with some friends and she was asking my friend how to build for a certain character. She then says "hey guys, what should I build next?" I then say, "you should totally build ___ because its pretty good against their team" totally upbeat like I always am, she then proceeds to say "Ya, ok (pissed off/nagging voice) hey Joe, what do you think? (happy voice, joe is my friend). This happens a lot when we play with a group. I just feel disrespected and kind of embarrassed that she talks to me like that. Outside of the game, shes a total sweetheart. So logically, I need to stop playing. Unfortunately, I am on the roster and you need 5 to play this game (they dont have anyone else), so if I quit, they can't play, and she loves playing it (I do too when she doesn't treat me like ****.) Any advice on how to handle this? Thanks guys I'm 27 shes 25 btw Edit: I've talked to her about this, and I think it's getting to the point where she thinks I'm too sensitive (which is not true, just don't want that attitude towards me) Edited July 19, 2015 by bambootreez
Author bambootreez Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 It's not even talking smack, I love talking **** with each other. It's more of an I'm annoyed that you're talking to me tone. Anyone else, shes really happy towards. And everything is fine in person. I feel like the best idea is to take a week off or something and not play
Grumpybutfun Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Why do I get the feeling that your gf likes Joe? G
IronZ Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 My friends and I tend to talk smack while we play games. We laugh and have a good time with it. Sounds like your girl is talking some sh*t too, but it upsets you enough to start threads online about it. Dude, it's a game. If you don't wanna play any longer...quit. While I would normally agree with you, I think there's a deeper issue here. It's not the usual banter guys have with each other. The way he described it, it sounds like she just ignores him or makes him feel small in little ways. She seems cold and indifferent to him while appearing the exact opposite to his friend. OP - is she trying to make you jealous? Does she like this guy? You need to talk to her and get the story straight. Don't just talk about the game, talk about how she acts. Call her out on her BS if she says you're sensitive. This isn't about being sensitive, it's about a couple in a relationship and one person is being indifferent to the other and not caring about his feelings. That's not what a good gf would do.
Author bambootreez Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 While I would normally agree with you, I think there's a deeper issue here. It's not the usual banter guys have with each other. The way he described it, it sounds like she just ignores him or makes him feel small in little ways. She seems cold and indifferent to him while appearing the exact opposite to his friend. OP - is she trying to make you jealous? Does she like this guy? You need to talk to her and get the story straight. Don't just talk about the game, talk about how she acts. Call her out on her BS if she says you're sensitive. This isn't about being sensitive, it's about a couple in a relationship and one person is being indifferent to the other and not caring about his feelings. That's not what a good gf would do. This is a great post. You are absolutely correct in the sense that she is making me feel little in weird ways and indifferent towards my friends. I've talked to her about this and my friend, and she got very upset because she has "no feelings for him" (i came off as jealous, not sure how else she would see it). She was upset because i know that she would never do anything like that as she is very respectful to herself and her family (it took a long time for her to warm up to me because her parents are extremely protective). Weve been dating 9 months, and she hasnt told her parents that ive stayed over with her before (her dad would hunt me down even though they love me). Pretty sure her mom knows what we do, but then again, shes only been with one other guy. Also, shes been talking a lot about moving in with her lately and building a future together, so wanting to jump to another guy seems stupid and quite frankly, it would be her loss. Ill be honest man, shes very blunt and really does not think too much about feelings, even though she would never makee feel bad in person on purpose. Shes not like other girls. What you see is what you get, no hidden messages. I called her out on her actions tonight, and she seemed frustrated because i brought it up again. She said "I'm sorry I did that, but I honestly dont remember talking to you like that" (she totally did). Given the curcomstances, i think the best thing to do is just take a week off the game or something. Just walk away from it for a while and see if she becomes a little more aware about how she treats me in game. What do you think?
Els Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Yeah... playing games with your SO can be tricky sometimes, especially when it's a relatively competitive/team-based sort of game. In the example you gave, though, while I agree with the others that your gf's response wasn't great, I also think that it's possible you might be overreacting. There's a lot of context missing here - does she do this to you a lot? Is it always with this guy? Do you jump in a lot when she's talking to the others? And... are you actually any good with the character you were trying to give her advice on? There could be a range of possibilities, from her having the hots for Joe, to her being a bitch in general, to there being a deeper problem in your R, to it being normal ingame smack-talk, to you just being not very good at the game and her not wanting to point that out explicitly, to... well, you get the idea. Just walk away from it for a while and see if she becomes a little more aware about how she treats me in game. What do you think? I don't see any harm with quitting a game if you aren't enjoying it for whatever reason. You're not beholden to your friends to play - I've quit many a team game for RL reasons, and have seen plenty of teammates do the same. But it seems that you're doing it because you think that leaving the game will 'make her more aware of how she treats you'. What if you leave and nothing changes? Will you be okay with that? 1
Author bambootreez Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 Yeah... playing games with your SO can be tricky sometimes, especially when it's a relatively competitive/team-based sort of game. In the example you gave, though, while I agree with the others that your gf's response wasn't great, I also think that it's possible you might be overreacting. There's a lot of context missing here - does she do this to you a lot? Is it always with this guy? Do you jump in a lot when she's talking to the others? And... are you actually any good with the character you were trying to give her advice on? There could be a range of possibilities, from her having the hots for Joe, to her being a bitch in general, to there being a deeper problem in your R, to it being normal ingame smack-talk, to you just being not very good at the game and her not wanting to point that out explicitly, to... well, you get the idea. I don't see any harm with quitting a game if you aren't enjoying it for whatever reason. You're not beholden to your friends to play - I've quit many a team game for RL reasons, and have seen plenty of teammates do the same. But it seems that you're doing it because you think that leaving the game will 'make her more aware of how she treats you'. What if you leave and nothing changes? Will you be okay with that? Ya man, she does do it a lot. And maybe I am over reacting, trying not to jump to conclusions with this, but I just feel like im being disrespected in front of my friends. Idk, its a stupid situation in my shoes, im just gonna take a break from the game.
IronZ Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 This is a great post. You are absolutely correct in the sense that she is making me feel little in weird ways and indifferent towards my friends. I've talked to her about this and my friend, and she got very upset because she has "no feelings for him" (i came off as jealous, not sure how else she would see it). She was upset because i know that she would never do anything like that as she is very respectful to herself and her family (it took a long time for her to warm up to me because her parents are extremely protective). Weve been dating 9 months, and she hasnt told her parents that ive stayed over with her before (her dad would hunt me down even though they love me). Pretty sure her mom knows what we do, but then again, shes only been with one other guy. Also, shes been talking a lot about moving in with her lately and building a future together, so wanting to jump to another guy seems stupid and quite frankly, it would be her loss. Ill be honest man, shes very blunt and really does not think too much about feelings, even though she would never makee feel bad in person on purpose. Shes not like other girls. What you see is what you get, no hidden messages. I called her out on her actions tonight, and she seemed frustrated because i brought it up again. She said "I'm sorry I did that, but I honestly dont remember talking to you like that" (she totally did). Given the curcomstances, i think the best thing to do is just take a week off the game or something. Just walk away from it for a while and see if she becomes a little more aware about how she treats me in game. What do you think? If you don't think it's anything like her being interested in this other guy and making you jealous, then it's pretty clear she's just super competitive and doesn't care how it makes you feel. She said "I'm sorry I did that" except to me it doesn't really sound like she is sorry. Maybe you just need to tell her that you would like her to try a little harder to be nicer to you during the game. After all, a game is supposed to be fun, right? If she's constantly belittling you then it's no longer fun. Any time I've played video games with a SO, even in the most competitive of times, we've been goofy about it and laughed at ourselves. Above all, you have to ask yourself this: is the game more important to her than your relationship? If she's willing to make you feel bad so she can play this game (and knowingly doing it since you've told her many times) then it's pretty clear something is off. A good healthy relationship isn't so one sided. One person shouldn't be constantly feeling bad because of the other. Tell her this. Tell her that her behavior is hurting you and if she cares about you she will be a little more mindful of it.
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