Blaquesheep Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 (edited) Over the years, I've browsed this site while dealing with breakups. This is the first time I'm posting Bc this last situation has me feeling like I've hit rock bottom. Met the guy over a decade ago, coworkers in the military. Fast forward to last summer where we linked up on FB, it all started with inbox messages, then phone calls, later actual visits. We are long distance, he's in KS and I'm in GA. Since December of 2014, we've seen each other every two months, and during the last 7 months it's been an emotional roller coaster. We were always just fine on the phone or Skype, but every time we got together it never ended well. I sensed he was emotionally distant and when I would confront him about it, it was like talking to a robot. He barely made eye contact, and he always had an excuse. For everything. We never went on dates and the sex wasn't intimate. Never the way he claimed it would be next time we saw each other, while on the phone. Everything he said to me always sounded good beforehand and what was shown was the exact opposite. I've walked out on him a cpl times bc of his emotional distance only to go back after a cpl weeks. Kept telling myself it was me or the red flags were all in my head. I even drove to him twice, I just got back from the second time. Yesterday, we took a drive to OKC and everything was fine at dinner, it was fun when we got some drinks after, and even better when we got back to the hotel to prepare for a night out at the club later that evening. It was after taking a shower together where he became cold as ice. We were getting dressed and I sensed it, asked him if he just wanted to stay in, he said no, he was just tired, he just wanted to go already. I was confused, but still kept it together before we left for the club. When we got there, we never made it inside. He just stood there, once again distant, and I kept asking what was wrong. He said nothing. It got to the point where I had to say, let's just go, and we did. We said nothing to each other all the way back to the room and once we got there, I stalled for a minute to see if he would finally talk, when he didn't, I left to take a walk. I was gone 30 mins, and when I got back, he was gone at 130am. Only thing left on the bed was a note, "Figured you wanted to be alone, safe travels back to GA." And that was it. I called him, he didn't answer nor did he respond to my text messages. The devastation I feel is unreal. The next morning I woke up and drove almost 1000 miles back to ATL, with all this in my head. Still havent heard from him and I know it's over, it's just so difficult. I'm more mad at myself for ignoring the signs. He barely ever engaged me whether it was verbally or physically, it's like I was "just there"...and after I confronted him a million times about his true feelings, he could never say he just wanted out. For some reason, I needed to hear him say that. This post is more of a vent, I'm well aware I put myself in the situation. Just hoping to hear some feedback about how to move on. I wanted him to be the one so f'n bad. I even made plans to move out there to be closer to his base...it all fell thru. During my drive tho, I did the math. For the last five years, I've always attracted or been attracted to emotionally unavailable men. This guy I've described is similar to my ex's, just a different face. What the hell am I putting out there in the universe? Bc I'm the exact opposite. Very empathetic and passionate about all I do. Heartbroken, confused, and distraught. Edited July 19, 2015 by Blaquesheep
Honey565 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Hey Blaquesheep, feel strong. He is not the one, you have just projected that he was the one. Try to stop doing it. Try to allow yourself to meet somebody really, find in him virtues that you wish him to have and then fall in love and make plans. I know it is sometimes hard when you met somebody that you like, but for me it works great. I don't like emotionally distant people, when i notice, i start cooling off, because i know what i need to fall in love, and it is loads and loads of affection. That is something that turns me on. Be happy that you didn't get much more involved with him because you would suffer even more. He is not guy for you. You won't change him and your love won't change him. He will change only if he wants to change and changes for that are slim. You have just faced a failure, and failure of your dream, because desire is too big. But, forget about him, do not spend minute of your time thinking about why he is like that, just accept "he is like that. period.". Do you like to spend life with somebody who will leave you alone leaving the note? Not answering calls? I think answer is no. You are suffering for illusion that doesn't exist. You can take this as a good lesson for the future. You know now to recognize signs early and to back up earlier in the future. Life is full of lessons. If you don't learn, they will repeat. Just like it happens in your case. Learn from this and head up. 1
Author Blaquesheep Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 Thanks honey, reading this back to myself it sounds ridiculous. The answer is all there and your right. I swear, I thought it was all in my head. I didn't want to accept reality. I tried to force a round peg into a square hole. Thanks for your response.
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