ZiggyZoo Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Go with your gut and go NC. There's a very good possibility that he just wants company/someone to share his bed while on vacation, so he doesn't have to be alone. What else is there to say, anyway? Yeah, blah blah, he loves you still and all that. But he's not with you, which is more telling than anything that will come out of his mouth. You could have any number of discussions and that basic, essential fact isn't going to change.
Author Justme1977 Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 This was an anniversary trip we decided to still go on.
pidgeon1010 Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Why celebrate something that is broken? People normally celebrate anniversaries when they are still together. He broke up with you, claims he still loves you but can't be with you. Why would you want to go on a trip with him? He is being selfish. He wants to have his cake and it it too. He is telling you he doesn't want to be with you but will take the companionship/sex you provided while you two were together. If you are hoping this trip will set you on the path to reconciliation, you will probably come back even more distraught and confused than you are now. I doubt he is going to change his mind about the break up. So you go on this trip and then what next? wait in the wings until he decides he finally wants to be with you (which may never happen by the way). I wouldn't put myself through this much uncertainty and would walk away with my dignity intact but the decision is up to you, of course. 2
ZiggyZoo Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 This was an anniversary trip we decided to still go on. Just re-read your previous posts. I have two questions for you...one, are you still hoping this trip leads to some sort of reconciliation? Because you're really all over the place with what you hope the outcome is. I suggest you really think about what you want. Why would you want to go on an anniversary trip for a non-existent relationship with your ex? If it's to try and reconcile, like you've said, it's not going to happen. He's not interested, and this trip isn't going to change that. If someone wants to be with you, they will be, no matter what obstacles. If you're going on it to have fun (and "great sex lol") like you've said, you're in for a lot of heartbreak when you come home. This trip will change nothing, except possibly drive home the fact that you two are done. So maybe it's not a bad thing after all. You're in complete denial, and will stay there until you and you alone pull yourself out. Question two is, why do you keep posting the same question over and over? Are you looking for someone to tell you that you guys broke up over one little thing, he still loves you, maybe he just needs to be reminded of how much? The fact that he dumped you over a little thing is actually proof that he's over it, not that he didn't mean it. If he wanted to stay, a little thing wouldn't cause him to leave at all. You keep getting the same answers-to forget the trip and go NC to heal yourself. Do what you want of course, but why ask if you're not going to take our advice? 3
ExpatInItaly Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 My very blunt opinion: this is a very terrible idea. Why would you subject yourself to going on a trip to celebrate an no-long-existent anniversary? You won't get closure. I don't understand how that would happen on this trip. At all. 2
mightycpa Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 And the trip was my idea yet Is it really that weird that my ex bf (we broke up about a month ago) have planed a trip to go away, have one last time together and say "goodbye" for now? I stand by my assessment. 1
Author Justme1977 Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 This is not to celebrate its to say goodbye.
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Sorry OP but this is messed up. And for the record this isn't closure, this is desperation. 3
kidm Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 A trip to say goodbye? None of this makes no sense. You have been accepting breadcrumbs from him for far too long and that is why it seems you're still in denial, sorry to say. Focus on his actions, not his words. He is looking out for himself so why can't you do the same for yourself? It is not weird that he accepted- very few guys would decline a trip to relax and probably have NSA sex. You need to go NC and work on yourself and what looks to be low self-esteem issues. Love yourself first. I wish you well.
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Relationships 101: You simply can not get closure (or happiness ) from someone else. Ever!! 2
Author Justme1977 Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 Doesn't feel desperate to me. We are having issues really let go. We talk way to much. We rehash our relationship way to often (no we don't have sex anymore) I thought an actual "thing" to signify the end would be a good thing. Don't want to stay in limbo. Tired of his tears and upset conversations. I really appreciate the opinions though I find I could use and need a lot of them.
ZiggyZoo Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Nah just wanted closure Closure is something you arrive at by yourself. It happens when you are past the horrible, emotionally charged mess of the immediate post-breakup period, and can look back at WTF happened with a calm mind. It happens when you can assess the reasons behind its demise, and conclude that it was a good thing for both parties involved for it to end. When you can learn what you will do differently in the future. It's not having "one more conversation" or "one last trip" together to end things on a good note, with everything talked out. Closure cannot be obtained with the involvement of anyone else. Honestly, the way to stop re-hashing what happened and to avoid his tears and upset conversations is NOT to go away on an anniversary vacation...which, as I pointed out in my last post, you previously planned to use for reconciliation and were most definitely planning on sleeping with him. It makes no difference to me why you're going, but you really need to be honest with yourself. And I'm sorry that you're not getting the opinions you want, but maybe the fact that *everyone* is saying the same thing should say something...my bet is that you're going to go, and this limbo you're trying to avoid will drag on for months after you get home. The only way to end things is to end things. Not go on vacation.
quattrob Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 What is the point of going on a trip together, it sounds really contradictory as your relationship has ended and how does this give you closure? Sex one last time, one last big bang finale etc? Sounds pretty stupid to me.
RocketQueen Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 (edited) I personally would advise you not to do it, this isn't coming from some high and mighty stand point, it's coming from experience from mistakes I made. Got the t-shirt and the tear stained tissues to prove it. The trip away will ignite feelings for one of you and probably confirm splitting was right for the other. Myself and my ex went on a few pre-planned weekends after we had split. The split wasn't a nasty one, no one cheated or was abusive so it didn't seem that bad of an idea. We had a fab time. Ended up getting intimate, had a better time than either of us had had together before, so we did it again, and again. Long story short, I saw no reason why we couldn't work it out cos we had had such a good time and he basically saw no reason why we should work it out because of the very same reason and was happy to carry on meeting regularly, thinking back, why wouldn't he? If you want to say goodbye, SAY IT, you don't need a trip away to finalise it, I wish we had done it like that because I ended up saying a massive F@*k you to him instead. Edited August 5, 2015 by RocketQueen to add a sentence or two! 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Doesn't feel desperate to me. We are having issues really let go. We talk way to much. We rehash our relationship way to often (no we don't have sex anymore) I thought an actual "thing" to signify the end would be a good thing. Don't want to stay in limbo. Tired of his tears and upset conversations. I really appreciate the opinions though I find I could use and need a lot of them. I'm not sure what kind of limbo you're in if you're officially broken up? THAT is the end of limbo isn't it? You've ended your relationship. Time to move on. Going around and around over and over again rehashing your relationship but resolving nothing is what's keeping you stuck and in limbo my friend. And jetting off for what was supposed to be your anniversary vacation WITHOUT sex in the hopes THAT will bring you closure is simply ridiculous. I'm sorry but it makes zero sense. But you're a big girl. I just hope you find what you're looking for regardless of the vacation. Good luck.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 5, 2015 Posted August 5, 2015 Doesn't feel desperate to me. We are having issues really let go. We talk way to much. We rehash our relationship way to often (no we don't have sex anymore) I thought an actual "thing" to signify the end would be a good thing. Don't want to stay in limbo. Tired of his tears and upset conversations. I really appreciate the opinions though I find I could use and need a lot of them. It's not. I guarantee you will end up hurting even more. You don't need a trip to say goodbye. You already broke up. Go NC if you really want to move on. This "limbo" is self-created because you are still hanging on. Traveling together to get closure is absurd. Value yourself more. Don't be a glutton for punishment. 1
Author Justme1977 Posted August 6, 2015 Author Posted August 6, 2015 Update: So when we agreed on the trip I said it had to be a goodbye thing. He said ok. He sent me an email yesterday professing his love again and asking if we could put off the final goodbye till mid September. I'm gong complete NC now instead. Thanks for your advice all. 1
quattrob Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Update: So when we agreed on the trip I said it had to be a goodbye thing. He said ok. He sent me an email yesterday professing his love again and asking if we could put off the final goodbye till mid September. I'm gong complete NC now instead. Thanks for your advice all. Lol, the line which I bolded is hilarious. Anyways you made a good decision to go full NC and forget about him. 1
kidm Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Oh I see what he did there. He has you where he wants you--pining after him. The breakup bakery is working in overdrive. He is feeding you breadcrumbs while he keeps the loaf for someone else. WAKE UP! It's all BS. MOVE ON. 2
quattrob Posted August 6, 2015 Posted August 6, 2015 Why did you find it hilarious? Because he doesn't love you, if he did he'd be with you. 1
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