txgrl Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 MW and especially MM get a lot of bad rep here ( rightly so) but after reading many threads , I feel like the OW/OW also play a lot of mind games / break NC/ blow hot and cold etcetc . I never realized the mind games I was playing in my own A till I read this forum . Do any of you Ow/OM realize you are also playing games / breadcrumbing? Just an observation . Not judging or criticizing anyone . Thanks .
GoldieLox Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 For myself I don't think so, I was that unfortunate soul chasing after breadcrumbs like a starving goose. I do notice a few sometimes who use NC as manipulation rather than what it's true purpose is. NC is a blessing if done properly and for the right reasons. 2
AnotherSadSong Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 For myself I don't think so, I was that unfortunate soul chasing after breadcrumbs like a starving goose. I do notice a few sometimes who use NC as manipulation rather than what it's true purpose is. NC is a blessing if done properly and for the right reasons. I see NC too as a sort of game backed up by what I have read in the breaking up section...both parties waiting out a silence on both sides..asking multitude of questions who will break first. For myself I cannot do this. I see silent treatment and the NC silent game as manipulative and full of mind tricks. However before anyone shoots the messenger, me, it does work for some! This is how I view it. I simply see moving forward and on as the best practice, remove all sources of contact if you see it potentially becoming a problem and heal to the point if they do come back at any time, you can reply, Nope. Sorry. No silence just No.
bentleychic Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I never gave my MM breadcrumbs. He gets my all, all the time. If I ever went temporarily cold it was an act of self preservation in reaction to his behavior and inactions. 3
still_an_Angel Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I am a solo parent, and I have more kids than my MM so he gets breadcrumbs sometimes as I prioritize my family. He waits for me to show up and even if we look at our schedules ahead of time, it takes a lot to make time for us. Not playing any games, that's just how my life is.
HappyAgain2014 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 I never played games. He had a self-imposed deadline. When he didn't meet it, I was done. 1
Poppy47 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 I never played games. I used to call "time out". The stress of the A would drive me to the point of insanity. It wasn't a manipulative ploy. I needed some space. Poppy. 2
Adoraxx Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 I never played games with the MM . I was always very giving towards him and it was he who played mind games with me, never the other way around
Dela Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 looking back at the last months of my affair, i realize that almost all the times we used to talk about our break up, i was maybe trying to make him do something about it, not let me go, to give me something to hope for. it was like a deadline without saying it out loud like "i give u 2,3,4,5 months". i wanted to inform him about my intention of leaving, hoping that he will change things. he didn t. when i realized that he won t change a thing, the break up became more about me and just me and less about him. i don t think/know if i played a game, but it s how i handled things at the time.
Author txgrl Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 But isn't that considered 'playing games ' when the married person does that I.e giving deadlines , extending them, going cold because they can't handle the stress , prioritizing kids, calling timeout for some peace , not responding , going NC, breaking NC, trying to hold on?
GoldieLox Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 But isn't that considered 'playing games ' when the married person does that I.e giving deadlines , extending them, going cold because they can't handle the stress , prioritizing kids, calling timeout for some peace , not responding , going NC, breaking NC, trying to hold on? Prioritizing your kids is definitely not a game. They should always come first. As for the stress part, affairs will always come with copious amounts of stress. It's how you handle it that determines whether or not you're playing a game. Everytime my xAP got a little scared or too close he'd run off with his tail between his legs without a word. THAT is a game. Having a mature discussion and explaining what one is feeling and why something needs to occur is not necessarily playing games (unless they start doing it every other week). 1
bentleychic Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 (edited) But isn't that considered 'playing games ' when the married person does that I.e giving deadlines , extending them, going cold because they can't handle the stress , prioritizing kids, calling timeout for some peace , not responding , going NC, breaking NC, trying to hold on? Most of what you mention is not what I consider game playing. Hot and cold, future faking, those I consider game playing. Making deadlines, then extending them and trying to hold on is NOT game playing. Sometimes you get to that deadline and you realize it's not as easy to walk away as it is to say you'll walk away. Damn love. (By deadlines, I am referring to an OM/OW telling MW/MW that they cannot stay past X date unless things change with the married partners relationship, etc.) Edited July 19, 2015 by bentleychic 1
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