Lilbthebasedg0d Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 (edited) My boyfriend of three years didn't want me talking to my male best friend because he thought we were flirting and that he was the man on the side but our friendship was totally platonic and I've known him before I was even dating my boyfriend. My boyfriend told me to block him and I did for a period time. I started missing him and my foolisness made me decide to unblock him and we started talking. We hung out that night with other people but I told my boyfriend I was hanging out with those people and didn't mention my friend. I came over to my boyfriend's house that night, deleted my text convo with my friend and my boyfriend read some of my texts with other friends knowing I didn't tell the truth. I realized what I did and cried, feeling so guilty. I realized that our friendship wasn't worth throwing my relationship out the window and bloked him, vowing to never talk to him again but I realized too late. Through out the week, I knew my boyfriend knew I hung out with my friend because he dropped subtle hints, constantly asking if I'm FaceTiming (something I used to do a lot with my friend) and I felt my heart sink because I didn't know if I should just admit it because he already knew. We got into an argument and our relationship was on the verge of break up because he said he doesn't know if he can trust me again. I asked a few days later if he decided on a decision yet and he didn't but he said staying with me outweighed breaking up. Two days later, I pissed him off and dropped the ball. He blew up on me about the whole situation with my friend, telling me he knew I lied and snuck around and ultimately broke up with me. He didn't want to talk to me or do anything with me. He changed his profile name on our Netflix to my friend's and kept saying that I wasn't his boyfriend anymore and that it was my friend. We exchanged stuff yesterday which made me know that this is probably permanent. It's worth to mention that we broke up last year (his decision) but we never exchanged stuff. He just stopped texting me and ignored me but we made up a week later. We exchanged stuff in his car and he gave me everything back including gifts and cards I gave him and photos of us. He refused to look at me and I begged and cried for him back looking pathetic to him. He told me he hated me, doesn't love me anymore and we will never get back together. And that I gave him the best relationship but the worst ending. It broke my heart. I know what I did was wrong but I realized it but just too late. My actions made it seem like I chose my friend over my boyfriend and I just wish I was able to take it back but everything's done. After the end of my 30 minute crying hysteria, I asked if there was a chance that we could at least be friends, hoping in my mind that we can start the relationship over and possibly getting back together and he said maybe in the future but not anytime soon which gave me a glimpse of hope. I know what I did was wrong and I let the guy I wanted to marry walk out the door all because of a stupid decision over some friend that wasn't even worth it. I can't look or talk to my friend without feeling guilty and crying because my boyfriend left because of this friendship. I want to know, will time and space help my ex cool down? Is two months of space enough? Will his anger and hatred for me slowly go away? I don't see myself moving on anytime soon but I'm really hoping that whenever I do try to talk to him again in the future is that he'll want to reply. Or do I iust try once and if it doesn't happen, move on? Edited July 18, 2015 by Lilbthebasedg0d
Gus Grimly Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Friends come and go, but true love ... that doesn't come around too often. You were very inconsiderate of your Ex's feelings. You put yourself first. What if he did that to you ..... Let's say he has some cute girl as a "friend". You ask him to stop seeing her because it makes you uncomfortable, he agrees but goes behind your back and sees her anyway. Would you be cool with that? You lied to him. He was smart enough to see that no healthy relationship can exist when there's no trust. I say you should move on for now. Sounds like he needs some space. Perhaps in time he'd be willing to try again. 1
Seeker12 Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Are you sure you dont have feelings for your male best friend? You block him and unblock him, you miss him, you go behind your actual boyfriends back to talk to him, FaceTime him and hang out with him, and all the while your boyfriend had the decency at least to not probe too hard, even though he had every right too, but give you the chance to tell him if somethings up or not. I say you move on, cant see this guy coming back, especially when he knows now how you can act and be with other guys, behind his back, whilst in a relationship with him. Rebuilding that trust is hard, and usually you have one real shot at it, its broken now. Next time if youre truly happy with a guy, be prepared to compromise on some things, friendships yes we should all maintain, but you save whats most important to you, and this time i dont think you acted on saving whats most important, or did you?
Author Lilbthebasedg0d Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 Let's say he has some cute girl as a "friend". You ask him to stop seeing her because it makes you uncomfortable, he agrees but goes behind your back and sees her anyway. Would you be cool with that? He did have a friend I was suspicious on. Whenever they saw each other, they'd hug for a long time, stand by each other, and his arms were around her waist. I felt really insecure because when I asked him about if he had feelings for her he said he did think about her and wants to date her when we're over. I was sad and all but I didn't want to stop him from seeing or her or anything because I knew he wouldn't cheat on me and they were best friends way before I was dating him.
Author Lilbthebasedg0d Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 (edited) Are you sure you dont have feelings for your male best friend? You block him and unblock him, you miss him, you go behind your actual boyfriends back to talk to him, FaceTime him and hang out with him, and all the while your boyfriend had the decency at least to not probe too hard, even though he had every right too, but give you the chance to tell him if somethings up or not. I say you move on, cant see this guy coming back, especially when he knows now how you can act and be with other guys, behind his back, whilst in a relationship with him. Rebuilding that trust is hard, and usually you have one real shot at it, its broken now. Next time if youre truly happy with a guy, be prepared to compromise on some things, friendships yes we should all maintain, but you save whats most important to you, and this time i dont think you acted on saving whats most important, or did you? Yes, I did not have feelings for him. We were friends before I dated my ex and I'm sure if I did have feelings, we would have dated already. Well obviously I realized what I did was wrong. My boyfriend didn't like him because he never met him but I didnt even hang out with my friend because I was constantly with my ex. I just thought it was weird that my ex felt that way towards my friend because we facetimed him together before and whenever I drove, I asked my ex to reply to my friend's texts. This was also before he made a big deal about him. No I did not save what's important. I can't really beat myself up more than I already did because what's done is done and I can't change the way my ex feels about everything. Guess it'll just be another lesson for the next relationship. Edited July 18, 2015 by Lilbthebasedg0d
StrangerThanFiction Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 He did have a friend I was suspicious on. Whenever they saw each other, they'd hug for a long time, stand by each other, and his arms were around her waist. I felt really insecure because when I asked him about if he had feelings for her he said he did think about her and wants to date her when we're over. I was sad and all but I didn't want to stop him from seeing or her or anything because I knew he wouldn't cheat on me and they were best friends way before I was dating him. Wow. And he has the gall to tell you you can't hang out with your guy best friend? On the basis that he thinks your flirting (were you?)while he straight up told you he wants to date his chick friend and they are all touchy-feely together? How on earth is that fair and why would you put up with that sort of double standard? Yes, you made the mistake by lying to him about you talking to your friend, but him expecting you to stop talking to your friend while he's feeling up his is utter bullsh*t. To me, it sounds like there may be more going on between him and his friend than you think and his demands for you to cut out your friend while he carries on with his is unfair and suspicious. He may be projecting his guilt or whatnot on you and your friend. That's just my 2 cents though. 1
mightycpa Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 **** him. You're better off. If he would've said I don't trust you, whore would that have made it clearer?
Author Lilbthebasedg0d Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 Wow. And he has the gall to tell you you can't hang out with your guy best friend? On the basis that he thinks your flirting (were you?)while he straight up told you he wants to date his chick friend and they are all touchy-feely together? How on earth is that fair and why would you put up with that sort of double standard? Yes, you made the mistake by lying to him about you talking to your friend, but him expecting you to stop talking to your friend while he's feeling up his is utter bullsh*t. To me, it sounds like there may be more going on between him and his friend than you think and his demands for you to cut out your friend while he carries on with his is unfair and suspicious. He may be projecting his guilt or whatnot on you and your friend. That's just my 2 cents though. I don't think my friend and I were flirting at all. In our texts I would always refer him as "bro" and my boyfriend saw our conversation of me telling my friend how to go on a date with this girl he was interested in which was my friend. I honestly thought that my ex seeing that would be enough to know that our friendship was platonic and nothing more. Honestly, his friend was kind of a problem in our relationship too. I knew there was something up because when we first stared dating, he would always like pictures of herself she posted on Facebook/Instagram. I wouldn't care if it was just one or two pictures or pictures of other girls, but it was constantly just her. I was looking through his text convo with her and I noticed he texted subtly flirtatiously with her and he'd send her winky faces. I brought this up with him and he said that she was just a friend and it doesn't matter that he wants to be with her later because he was with me now. I guess I put up with it because I just trusted that he wouldn't cheat on me and they rarely see each other anyway. In my opinion, I think the difference between my friend and his friend is what we wanted out of it. I just wanted a friendship with my friend because he did help me with my depression before my ex and I dated and I honestly still wanted him in my life, but I wanted my ex as well. My ex said he wouldn't talk to his friend but it would be hard to stop thinking about her which made me kind of sad.
goldway90 Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 (edited) "My boyfriend of three years didn't want me talking to my male best friend.." Possessiveness, jealousy red flag of an emotionally abusive relationship. I don't need to read the rest honestly, you need to heal. Edited July 18, 2015 by goldway90
Gus Grimly Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 He did have a friend I was suspicious on. Whenever they saw each other, they'd hug for a long time, stand by each other, and his arms were around her waist. Wow, that's pretty bad. I'm sorry what I said before. You should have been honest, but with that said, He's a nothing but a hypocrite. He's selfish, possessive and abusive. The guy is bad news. You should definitely get as far away from him as you can. 1
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