Calidude6 Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Yesterday when I was out with my mom for dinner, my ex comes in to eat with her sister and friend for her sister's birthday. For those who don't know my story, my girlfriend and I broke up after 2.5 years because I believe she left me for her so called "best friend". Might be a rebound but who knows. She is 22 and I'm 25. She never gave me a second chance.... Anyways, this is the first time seeing my ex since our break up in February. Right off the back, I start to shake a little and kind of lose my appetite as butterflies start swimming around my stomach. I kept it really cool and natural still having a good time with my mom and laughing. I think it was great that I was with my mom because my mom and my ex had a great relationship as they loved each other. My friend was both our servers so what he told me was they started to immediately talk about me and she couldn't bare to look over but maybe once or twice. They just came back from wine tasting so they are drunk at the moment. Fast forward to when I leave. I thought it was the right and mature choice to go over and say hi to everyone and wish her sister a happy birthday. To show her I'm fine and moved on. I said hi to the friend, to the sister and said happy birthday. Then my last hi was to my ex, I kind of tapped her and said hey Liz, its nice to see you. She stared at me for 1 second and looked down without saying a word to me. Then my mom comes and hugs everyone while saying hello. When she hugged my ex, she smiled and hug back and said hey. As I left, I said to all it was nice seeing you girls, happy birthday again, and have a good night. The sister said thank you and you have a good night as well. I had a good relationship with the sister. I felt good, I felt I took the bigger approach by being mature about it and saying hi. I find out later, they all said I handle it very well. However, I'm not sure if my ex knows what she did, I feel like it wasn't right. We didn't have a nasty relationship or a nasty break up but for her to not acknowledge me like if I was a nobody didn't make me feel so good. I wonder if she has a guilty conscience for cheating on me (at least emotionally cheating) and can't look at me or who knows. Maybe she feels ashamed or whatever the case may be. Honestly, she did downgrade from me to him. Half of me feels great as I look like the mature one that has moved on while the other half of me feels like I've been dogged as if I was nothing at all where you can't even take two seconds to say hi. My mom thinks she is young and naive which could be true. I'm not sure what to feel as half of me feels good and the other half feels like crap. In the end, what I did can go a long way and I'm sure I did the right thing. What do you guys think? Thanks. 1
Honey565 Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I think that you did just great. I understand that you feel awful as well, because she didn't even had courage to look at you. But hey, it's her problem after all? I think that you should do yourself a big favor and stop spending a minute of your time thinking about what she might think or feel. You will never know what she feels and thinks and you can also construct some false reality in your head that will hurt you. You acted in a very mature way and trust me, every time you treat her nicely, even though she treated you poor, it will make her feel much worse than thousands of insults. But, also, don't get trapped and allow yourself to be fool. Avoid her, no contact and that's it. Next time if you bump into her, tell her hello only if she tells you first hello. If not, do not even worry. 1
Honey565 Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I think that you did just great. I understand that you feel awful as well, because she didn't even had courage to look at you. But hey, it's her problem after all? I think that you should do yourself a big favor and step spending a minute of your time thinking about what she might think or feel. You will never know what she feels and thinks and you can also construct some false reality in your head that will hurt you. You acted in a very mature way and trust me, every time you treat her nicely, even though she treated you poor, it will make her feel much worse than thousands of insults. But, also, don't get trapped and allow yourself to be fool. Avoid her, no contact and that's it. Next time if you bump into her, tell her hello only if she tells you first hello. If not, do not even worry.
Author Calidude6 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 I think that you did just great. I understand that you feel awful as well, because she didn't even had courage to look at you. But hey, it's her problem after all? I think that you should do yourself a big favor and stop spending a minute of your time thinking about what she might think or feel. You will never know what she feels and thinks and you can also construct some false reality in your head that will hurt you. You acted in a very mature way and trust me, every time you treat her nicely, even though she treated you poor, it will make her feel much worse than thousands of insults. But, also, don't get trapped and allow yourself to be fool. Avoid her, no contact and that's it. Next time if you bump into her, tell her hello only if she tells you first hello. If not, do not even worry. Thank you! I think I did great myself and I think in the long run, I'll feel great for what I did as I won't have any bad taste or bad memories. Her on the other hand might but knows. Still to this day, I'm still a little shocked that we aren't broken up because we had such a good relationship with minor problems but I guess when you're older and matured dating a younger and naive girl...little problems might occur. I learned a lot from it that will definitely make me a better person. I always told myself, leaving a good impression in every scenario is the best way to go. Insulting or looking miserable leads to no good as I tried to always be the bigger person. Always hold the inner weakness to yourself because if I would of played that differently, she could of easily said something like, "thank god I left him". I make sure I'm always a good thought of for people that know me so if she does start to think about our break up and the first time seeing me, she'll feel bad for not even saying hi to me. I plan to not let this get to me as much as I feel I played it better than her. I do feel good for how I handle it.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 That was fine -- as long as you don't check in with her afterward. That's typically where people in your situation screw up; not in the actual moment, but trying to "build" off that moment after thinking about it and getting cocky. If you just let this moment be a singular thing, then all is good. But if you try to double down and build on it, you'll kill all of the good vibes you emoted in the moment. 3
NopeNah Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 That was fine -- as long as you don't check in with her afterward. That's typically where people in your situation screw up; not in the actual moment, but trying to "build" off that moment after thinking about it and getting cocky. If you just let this moment be a singular thing, then all is good. But if you try to double down and build on it, you'll kill all of the good vibes you emoted in the moment. Get out of here with that sensible thinking! It's time to start the social media stalking, drive by's on her place, leaving notes and countless phone calls/texts! Get to it! Kidding! You handled the situation perfectly and with class. Kudos! 4
Author Calidude6 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 That was fine -- as long as you don't check in with her afterward. That's typically where people in your situation screw up; not in the actual moment, but trying to "build" off that moment after thinking about it and getting cocky. If you just let this moment be a singular thing, then all is good. But if you try to double down and build on it, you'll kill all of the good vibes you emoted in the moment. Yeah, I don't plan on building off of it or even talking to her at all. If she contacts me first and depending what she says then maybe I'll talk to her but the way she handle it wasn't very good in my eyes but I'm glad I took the bigger approach. She'll have a good last memory of me while I won't have that same memory for her. Good seeing her but a little hurtful that she pretty much made me feel like I was nothing to her. Oh well, it is what it is. I did good.
Author Calidude6 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 Get out of here with that sensible thinking! It's time to start the social media stalking, drive by's on her place, leaving notes and countless phone calls/texts! Get to it! Kidding! You handled the situation perfectly and with class. Kudos! LOL! This would of been me at the age 17. I certainly did that in my teens. The good old days lol. But thank you, I think I handled it very well. It could go a long way.
Author Calidude6 Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 As I'm thinking about it.... Maybe she really has lost all her feelings for me as this new guy probably helped the void and it was an easy transition for her as she didn't have to learn someone new. Maybe the feelings for me finally went away and she gained new ones for this loser (don't want to insult but he is in a way). Where I'm getting at is that with all her feelings gone, maybe that is why didn't acknowledge me or bother to say hi to me. It does kind of hurt for her to do that to me but I still feel like the bigger person in this situation. I did the right thing and she didn't. She might realize that or she might not. Her loss.... 1
kenmore Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 You did great, now forget about it and forget about her again. Even though you didn't intend it, NC was broken because of this meeting and it opened old wounds in you, obviously. Otherwise you wouldn't be here posting. Get your mindset back where it was two days ago. Move back on, nothing to see here! Ken 3
aloneinaz Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 You did great, now forget about it and forget about her again. Even though you didn't intend it, NC was broken because of this meeting and it opened old wounds in you, obviously. Otherwise you wouldn't be here posting. Get your mindset back where it was two days ago. Move back on, nothing to see here! Ken ^^^This I think you handled it great. The only bummer was you were not with YOUR NEW GF and had the opportunity to introduce her to that table. Don't over think this and MOVE on to someone new. Maybe next time you'll have the opportunity I discussed above. 1
Author Calidude6 Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 ^^^This I think you handled it great. The only bummer was you were not with YOUR NEW GF and had the opportunity to introduce her to that table. Don't over think this and MOVE on to someone new. Maybe next time you'll have the opportunity I discussed above. That would of been great if I did have a new gf but being with my mom was just fine as well lol. Maybe one day she'll see me with a new GF. I just take this as a slap in the face with how she handled it. I handle it very mature with class while she was being immature and naive. Oh well, it happens. She'll have to live with that.
Author Calidude6 Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 It has been a few days since I ran into my ex for the first time and of course I've been thinking about the situation. I'm still happy and glad at myself for the way I handled it as it was the right move to do. I want to carry on now but...... I can't stop thinking about how she treated me that day as if I was a ghost, a nobody, as I meant nothing to her for the last 2 in half years of our lives. That emotionally hurt me because I would never treat an ex that way. I just felt like scum as if I was a stranger she didn't want to look at. I don't know why she did that when we didn't have a nasty relationship or break up so I really don't get it. It really makes me want to break NC and just ask her why? Why you would treat me like that when I didn't deserve that!? But I know breaking NC would probably lead to no good or maybe even more pain right? I guess I'll never know the reason for her action that day. Just sucks but oh well......
Ariess10 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 It has been a few days since I ran into my ex for the first time and of course I've been thinking about the situation. I'm still happy and glad at myself for the way I handled it as it was the right move to do. I want to carry on now but...... I can't stop thinking about how she treated me that day as if I was a ghost, a nobody, as I meant nothing to her for the last 2 in half years of our lives. That emotionally hurt me because I would never treat an ex that way. I just felt like scum as if I was a stranger she didn't want to look at. I don't know why she did that when we didn't have a nasty relationship or break up so I really don't get it. It really makes me want to break NC and just ask her why? Why you would treat me like that when I didn't deserve that!? But I know breaking NC would probably lead to no good or maybe even more pain right? I guess I'll never know the reason for her action that day. Just sucks but oh well...... don't do it, no awnser you get will be worth it.. You gotta stop caring why she acted that way, she's your ex doesn't matter how she acts now .. You broke up your both strangers now end of story .. 1
Author Calidude6 Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 don't do it, no awnser you get will be worth it.. You gotta stop caring why she acted that way, she's your ex doesn't matter how she acts now .. You broke up your both strangers now end of story .. I know and I should leave it as that but of course the emotion side of my heart wants to over take my mind and ask why the hurt? Like I said, it was a great relationship, nothing bad about it so I just didn't get it. But yes, we are ex's now and broken up so I shouldn't care one bit about it and her actions. As time goes by, hopefully those thoughts will be long gone and I won't care anymore. I had a happy 2 years with her, now its time to be happy with myself and find somebody willing to share the same happiness. In the end, her loss.
Ariess10 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I know and I should leave it as that but of course the emotion side of my heart wants to over take my mind and ask why the hurt? Like I said, it was a great relationship, nothing bad about it so I just didn't get it. But yes, we are ex's now and broken up so I shouldn't care one bit about it and her actions. As time goes by, hopefully those thoughts will be long gone and I won't care anymore. I had a happy 2 years with her, now its time to be happy with myself and find somebody willing to share the same happiness. In the end, her loss. that's the way to think, I'm in the same boat letting go is the hardest , but it's something we have to do , just give yourself sometime there is no rush .. It hurts because it mattered And it was something you cared about .. But in time you'll learn (so will I) that it just wasn't meant to be .. It's a tough thing to swallow but it's not the end 2
Simon Phoenix Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I know and I should leave it as that but of course the emotion side of my heart wants to over take my mind and ask why the hurt? Like I said, it was a great relationship, nothing bad about it so I just didn't get it. But yes, we are ex's now and broken up so I shouldn't care one bit about it and her actions. As time goes by, hopefully those thoughts will be long gone and I won't care anymore. I had a happy 2 years with her, now its time to be happy with myself and find somebody willing to share the same happiness. In the end, her loss. Yeah, don't be that guy. Like I said earlier, these situations get screwed up after the fact when you follow up. No following up. Leave it be. 1
Author Calidude6 Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 that's the way to think, I'm in the same boat letting go is the hardest , but it's something we have to do , just give yourself sometime there is no rush .. It hurts because it mattered And it was something you cared about .. But in time you'll learn (so will I) that it just wasn't meant to be .. It's a tough thing to swallow but it's not the end Of course. In the middle of processing the feelings, the pain, the memories, the bond/friendship, etc. is the hardest stage since that is all we knew for the last few years. Of course being single again and not talking to that same person you created a bond with is hard to deal with of letting go but you and me both will get there. It takes time but the good thing about it, you and me both had real genuine feelings about someone that they might not receive the same type. Wish them the happiness but they'll never be with someone like you and I. The one's that get heartbroken are the strong ones in the end. It is hard to swallow and move past it but time will heal with everything. I can just never take my own advice when I'm healing though lol I just wish she didn't act like that because I was a really good friend/boyfriend to her. Oh well she is young and naive.
Author Calidude6 Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 Yeah, don't be that guy. Like I said earlier, these situations get screwed up after the fact when you follow up. No following up. Leave it be. Yeah, I definitely plan to NOT follow up. I rather leave a better impression her mind then seeing a desperate dude that is smothering or clingy or whatever the case my be while I might not have a good last impression on her. It will eat her more alive if I don't follow up and that is my plan. Thank you.
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