Author Gaeta Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 Hey, what happened to young Adonis? Young Adonis is still around, he's been busy with moving and I've been busy with vacations. No one made an effort in turning this into a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 How is it possible not to have any fears? I tested it, heartbreaks don't kill. I have lost everything and rebuild myself twice. I don't fear a heartbreak. It's the last thing I am afraid of in the things I fear in life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Didn't experience it myself but observed it happening to a friend (BEWARE - the rest of this post is going to sound very shallow!). She's the most attractive girl in my friend circle and could definitely get a career on the catwalk if she wanted to. Her first boyfriend was quite the surprise, he looked like the "Bad Luck Brian" meme only with more acne and glasses. After 6 months he dumped her for a girl with a bird-face. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 I'll say this: If I found out the man I was dating thought he was dating down? I'd dump him....because that kind of attitude would let me know it was actually ME who was dating down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 i have dated down with socioeconomics a lot, and same thing, i've had some dirt poor dudes dump me and i'm baffled. it could be simple incompatibility, but i also think a part of it comes from a place of insecurity - they know they can't compete with better looks or more money, or whatever it is you have that they don't. if it's a glaring difference of looks or money, they know, and feel it, and it cripples the relationship, even if it's not voiced. The last time I dated down, I too was dumped. She found someone she liked better when I was on holidays interstate. In that situation it was not dating down on looks but more class I would say for want of a better word. We had different backgrounds in that regard, and I knew it was not going to he a long term thing, and I suspect she thought the same. Still though it does prick your ego a little when this scenario happens. I find it weird the trend G is having actually. I can only guess its related to her being a little hard to read an/or to their insecurity that they are afraid she will find they don't measure up a little down the line. If G is a little hard to read and maybe the guys could well assume from past experience that she is not really into them because she is better looking. Its strange and I can see why she is a bit bewildered if it has happened a number of times. If I started dating a gorgeous gf, I have to admit it would cause me some insecurity and wonder how long this can last, but I certainly would not breakup with her. As much as people on here say there is not such thing as leagues, imo there absolutely is. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 I am level-headed. Actually I was dumped once for being Too rational. So no, I am not the type that goes ape-****. You were not dumped for being too rational, you were dumped for giving the illusion of being rational, Gaeta. You try to compensate for things in your personality based on what people tell you I'd say. Your posts demonstrate varying levels of being rational and consistent in your approach to dating. We love you and we've been telling you this in many ways on these boards. Focus on the genuine, smart, secure woman you are! You'll do better with that. Women who feel the need to get feedback from men they've dated are not as secure as they think. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 I did go back and ask men I had briefly dated or had longer dating history with them if there was something about me that could explain why men don't stick around and I told them to not spare my feelings and to be honest with me. They all said nothing was wrong with me. IMO, 9 times out of 10, it's not you (us). It's them and their not having their lives in order (perhaps due to the things introverted1 pointed out in their post). More likely than not, they didn't expect to a. catch your interest and b. have to then follow through. The truth may be closer to the fact that they really weren't seriously looking for someone--they were just killing time, playing on a dating site. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit_1 Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Didn't experience it myself but observed it happening to a friend (BEWARE - the rest of this post is going to sound very shallow!). She's the most attractive girl in my friend circle and could definitely get a career on the catwalk if she wanted to. Her first boyfriend was quite the surprise, he looked like the "Bad Luck Brian" meme only with more acne and glasses. After 6 months he dumped her for a girl with a bird-face. Is your friend really boring? I dated a guy. Totally into me, very generous and looked like he could be a fitness model. His face was practically perfect. He was so boring. I almost shot myself on the date to wake myself up. Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 I dated a few men who were "down" career wise. Like they are restaurant managers or electricians. I too wondered why they dumped me. I wondered if they were out of my league in some other ways (looks, maybe?). But my friend says they did this because I am too good for them and they know it (career wise). They are more comfortable with girls their own kind (career wise) Who knows. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Come on Gaeta, you are an intelligent woman, men don't dump women for no reason. Yes they do. Plenty of older men dump women for reasons that have nothing to do with the woman; and let's be clear here: we're not talking about 30-something men. We're talking about men over the age of 45 and in my case, over the age of 55. It's more about how invested they are in their ways and what they can reasonably offer in a relationship and if they've decided that who/what they are/have isn't good enough, they vaporize. He's come to that conclusion based on how good or badly he feels about his own circumstances, not anything that the woman has done. It's happened to me more times than I care to count in the 5 years I've been back in the dating world. I've written about my last experience a number of times. Things were going well until the day he tried to drink himself to death--that came out of the blue and had nothing to do with me or anything I'd said or done. It was another month until he vanished and he will tell you, as he told me, it had nothing to do with me and he was so, so sorry for messing everything up. Some older men are just happier and more comfortable being angry and alone. A new relationship forces the issue of them either changing tack or staying the course and a lot of them choose to stay the course and remain alone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 (edited) One thing I've learnt: chose to date people that excite you. Your kidding yourself otherwise. Be patient. Keep trying. ^^The more I think about this, the more I think this might be the case. He just wasn't feeling it...just like Gaeta herself wasn't feeling it...and admitted she wasn't feeling it, right from the get go. Genuine chemistry (mental, emotional, physical) tends to be mutual and has little to nothing to do with looks. A guy (or girl) who is a 6 can become a 10 when there is genuine chemistry. That is why I don't even understand this premise of dating down. IMO, Gaeta wanted to be feeling it, maybe he looked good on paper, had certain qualities she liked, whatevs. But genuine chemistry has nothing to do with how good someone looks on paper... and as Joaquin said, if Gaeta, or anyone, would choose ONLY those men who excite her and with whom there is genuine chemistry (again, mental, emotional and physical).... then chances are the guy is feeling it too (since genuine chemistry tends to be mutual)....and would be inclined to want to stick around....instead of bailing. When someone is desperate for a relationship, they tend to settle for less (and by less I only mean someone who does not rock their world).....but what they fail to consider is that if they are not rockin your world....you are not rockin their world either. Gaeta, you admitted you thought he was so-so. Yet you complimented him, stroked his ego, etc. Just like many of these guys do with you! What does that tell you about all these other guys who initially went ga-ga for you, but disappeated? Well....since you felt so-so, there is every possibility he felt you were so-so. NOT that there is anything "wrong" with you, or him.....just that the chemistry was not there and neither one of you were feeling it. He ended it first, but I have no doubt if HE had not ended it, YOU would have eventually ended it, for the simple reason you just weren't feeling it...and neither was he. Edited July 18, 2015 by katiegrl 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Yes they do. Plenty of older men dump women for reasons that have nothing to do with the woman; and let's be clear here: we're not talking about 30-something men. We're talking about men over the age of 45 and in my case, over the age of 55. It's more about how invested they are in their ways and what they can reasonably offer in a relationship and if they've decided that who/what they are/have isn't good enough, they vaporize. He's come to that conclusion based on how good or badly he feels about his own circumstances, not anything that the woman has done. It's happened to me more times than I care to count in the 5 years I've been back in the dating world. I've written about my last experience a number of times. Things were going well until the day he tried to drink himself to death--that came out of the blue and had nothing to do with me or anything I'd said or done. It was another month until he vanished and he will tell you, as he told me, it had nothing to do with me and he was so, so sorry for messing everything up. Some older men are just happier and more comfortable being angry and alone. A new relationship forces the issue of them either changing tack or staying the course and a lot of them choose to stay the course and remain alone. Fair enough, but Gaeta has been dumped by men of all ages....younger, older and in between. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 I don't need therapy for being confident and independent. I don't carry any hang-ups from my past, I don't have any fears, addiction, or whats-not. I am not afraid of taking risks and I am not afraid of heartbreaks. I put myself out there, I fall, hit my face but don't let it scare me and I jump right back on the saddle. Perhaps you do not come across natural: just yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 I tested it, heartbreaks don't kill. I have lost everything and rebuild myself twice. I don't fear a heartbreak. It's the last thing I am afraid of in the things I fear in life. You are right, heartbreaks don't kill a person. But the unresolved and invisible remnants of those heartbreaks often kill relationships and early. And if you've had 100+ relationship attempts, those remnants are affecting you more than you realize. I think you would be well served to dig deeper not into why each individual scenario ends, but why there are so many. That is a really big number. Im not saying there's anything wrong with that either. People who have been in the desert for a long time and searching for water will actually drink the sand when it seems hopeless. They do this because they've forgotten the difference between water and sand or they settle. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Perhaps you do not come across natural: just yourself. If you aren't afraid of heartbreaks, you've essentially numbed yourself. Numbing yourself from experiencing the bad also prevents you from enjoying the good things and. Being able to identify them when you have them or not being fully open to it. Not being afraid of heartbreak also explains why you've had so many dating partners. You need a little bit of fear to be able to determine whether a partner is right for you. Fear can be managed, it shouldn't be shutdown completely. If you have no fear, you don't hear that little voice talking to you early. It helps weed out too. Fear can be managed and used to your advantage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Indonesia1 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 I don't have a superiority complex :-) I was flirty, gave him compliments and told him I found him attractive, maybe I stroke his ego way too much and he started thinking he was dating down lol such a narcissistic and superior thread. You think looks factor anything into the equation? I only feel sorry for the guy for having to date you....yeesh Link to post Share on other sites
roxanne101 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some guys think I'm hot, some say I'm "okay", and others might not think I'm attractive at all. However, I have never dated a guy that didn't think I was attractive. I have dated guys who I felt weren't attractive. Pretty much most of my exes. I never went for guys that were really attractive for fear of them being douchebags/players. However, I have found that most of these "non attractive" guys turned out to be douchebags as well. They either cheated, treated me like crap, or told me "I could do better". I never understood it. I am not conceited or anything, just simply stating I didn't find many guys I dated attractive initially. I wanted to get to know them outside of looks. So I understand your pain. I also didn't understand why they'd tell me "I could do better" instead of treating me better. Or why they would cheat and be unappreciative. I started to think some of them felt good about having a beautiful woman (in their opinion) wanting them. So they decided to be jerks to make themselves feel better. Dumb I know, but I felt that's what some did. Now I'm on a mission to be with someone that I find attractive the same as they find me attractive. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 Gaeta, you admitted you thought he was so-so. Yet you complimented him, stroked his ego, etc. Just like many of these guys do with you! What does that tell you about all these other guys who initially went ga-ga for you, but disappeated? Well....since you felt so-so, there is every possibility he felt you were so-so. NOT that there is anything "wrong" with you, or him.....just that the chemistry was not there and neither one of you were feeling it. He ended it first, but I have no doubt if HE had not ended it, YOU would have eventually ended it, for the simple reason you just weren't feeling it...and neither was he. I wasn't feeling it when I met him those couple first dates than on our 3rd date something switched in me when I saw how nice and considerate he acted toward people around him and how he went out of his way to help an old lady and other things. That stuff really has an impact on me. It's like a switch got turned on in me in a split second he became this real cool hot dude I want to get to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 You are right, heartbreaks don't kill a person. But the unresolved and invisible remnants of those heartbreaks often kill relationships and early. And if you've had 100+ relationship attempts, those remnants are affecting you more than you realize. No no no not at all, those numbers thrown around 100-150 or more mean the numbers of coffee dates I went on. Lots of them I didn't want to see again, maybe a third of those turned into a 3-4 dates, and only a couple turned into exclusive short relationships from 3 to 6 months. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 If you aren't afraid of heartbreaks, you've essentially numbed yourself. Numbing yourself from experiencing the bad also prevents you from enjoying the good things and. Being able to identify them when you have them or not being fully open to it. Not being afraid of heartbreak also explains why you've had so many dating partners. You need a little bit of fear to be able to determine whether a partner is right for you. Fear can be managed, it shouldn't be shutdown completely. If you have no fear, you don't hear that little voice talking to you early. It helps weed out too. Fear can be managed and used to your advantage. Very interesting Redhead. I imagine I would eventually know fear after I've invested myself a few months but as far as general fear of getting hurt, right off the bat from the beginning, no, not at all. I know I am not totally numb though because I can still feel disappointment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 He tried to call me at 7 pm. I didn't pick up I was out on a bbq with family. He didn't leave a message or text. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 He tried to call me at 7 pm. I didn't pick up I was out on a bbq with family. He didn't leave a message or text. Are you going to give him a CALL later tonight or tomorrow now that you're not at the family BBQ? He at least tried to call you earlier, but you didn't answer. Maybe he had a change of heart? . Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Perhaps they didn't share your opinion that they were "inferior" or preferred not to date someone who believed that that they are. This! If I felt someone was dating down with me I'd kick her to the curb as well. No offense to the OP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 Are you going to give him a CALL later tonight or tomorrow now that you're not at the family BBQ? He at least tried to call you earlier, but you didn't answer. Maybe he had a change of heart? . After I posted my update he called again. It was a very confusing conversation. To me it was. When I picked up he said: Where were you? ((really? where I was?)) then he went on saying he wanted to take me to a concert tonight but I didn't call back so he went with a friend. He was coming out of the show when he called me back. I said I would have liked to know about it ahead of time. He did not reply anything, he was driving, his friend was next to him, they were talking together then he was talking to me, there was no point of me addressing his disappearance. He asked if I was going to bed soon cause he'd like to call back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 This! If I felt someone was dating down with me I'd kick her to the curb as well. No offense to the OP. I know it sounds bad the way I've presented it but it's just really about dating someone looking different than what I usually go for. In terms of education, professional accomplishment, career and travel-wise I am dating up with him. Link to post Share on other sites
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