Promising first date. How to proceed from here?

[Philosopher]

Last week, after almost a year of unsuccessful first dates, I finally had a first date with someone whom I actually fancied and whom seemed to fancy me back. Therefore I called her up the next day and set up a date for early next week. I would have had set the date sooner, however that was the earliest we were both free.

 

The thing is that over the past few years when I have been in a similar situation, I have been able to get to a third date quite easily. However after that it has always fizzled out. One girl I dated turned me down after I attempted to kiss her and said we should just be friends. Another said there was no chemistry after the third date. Finally with another girl there seemed to be quite a bit of chemistry and we had a couple of quite lengthy make out sessions, however after the fifth date, she said she was not ready for a relationship.

 

Therefore how do I go about ensuring that it does not fizzle out after the third date again? What should I be doing on the second, third and fourth dates to have a reasonable chance of the dating progressing into something more?

[IronZ]

This is exactly what I'm dealing with. I had a very promising first date, but there was no kiss or anything. Now I'm in that stage where I need to set a second date and hope for the best. I don't know how it will go but all I can judge by is that things look promising.

 

I really hate this gap between the first date and when the relationship is established. It's the worst time for someone like me who has anxiety issues. The uncertainty of what will happen is rough. I think all you can do to make sure things don't fizzle out is keep things interesting. Keep your confidence up. Not much more you can do.

[Gary S]

Maybe those relationships were never meant to be, have you ever considered that? I can tell you one of those women was on the rebound.

 

Actually, it's less painful if you stop dating them first and avoid the rejection. Maybe you should look for warning signs and not always ask for a second or third date, you know?

 

Most first dates won't turn into a relationship.

[Redhead14]

Last week, after almost a year of unsuccessful first dates, I finally had a first date with someone whom I actually fancied and whom seemed to fancy me back. Therefore I called her up the next day and set up a date for early next week. I would have had set the date sooner, however that was the earliest we were both free.

 

The thing is that over the past few years when I have been in a similar situation, I have been able to get to a third date quite easily. However after that it has always fizzled out. One girl I dated turned me down after I attempted to kiss her and said we should just be friends. Another said there was no chemistry after the third date. Finally with another girl there seemed to be quite a bit of chemistry and we had a couple of quite lengthy make out sessions, however after the fifth date, she said she was not ready for a relationship.

 

Therefore how do I go about ensuring that it does not fizzle out after the third date again? What should I be doing on the second, third and fourth dates to have a reasonable chance of the dating progressing into something more?

 

You can't ensure anything. All you can do is be yourself, have fun, show her a nice time and let her observe for herself and hope that what you have to offer her meets her needs Period. Allow it to unfold naturally.

 

Either it works for you both or it doesn't. And, it really hard for me to tell you what you could do differently that may clear up "mechanical" dating issues, like communication frequency, style, dating approach. I'd need to know how you handle those things usually.

[Philosopher]

Maybe those relationships were never meant to be, have you ever considered that? I can tell you one of those women was on the rebound.

 

Actually, it's less painful if you stop dating them first and avoid the rejection. Maybe you should look for warning signs and not always ask for a second or third date, you know?

 

Most first dates won't turn into a relationship.

 

My problem here is that I am not usually that good at knowing what the warning signs are as I am not great at reading at reading what other people are thinking . If it quite obvious that they are not interested or it is very obvious that we have little in common I will not ask them for a second or third date. However often I find it difficult to tell how interested they are. About two thirds of the time I ask a girl for a second date she will say yes.

 

I suspect you are right about the rebound relationships as two of them had recently broken up with their boyfriends. One of them had recently broken up with a boyfriend of a few years, however she only told me this fact on the fourth date.

 

I agree most first dates won't turn into a relationship, however by the third date there should be a reasonable chance, I would have thought.

 

Either it works for you both or it doesn't. And, it really hard for me to tell you what you could do differently that may clear up "mechanical" dating issues, like communication frequency, style, dating approach. I'd need to know how you handle those things usually.

 

Generally I will try to have one to two dates a week, if possible. I try to vary the dates, the first date will always be either at a coffee shop or pub, the subsequent dates tend to be either a meal out or at my place, a museum or gallery visit, watching a movie or a walk in a park or along the river. I usually have quite a cheeky sense of humour when on dates. I normally will communicate almost daily via text and call about once between dates. I will usually go for the first kiss on the second or third date and I generally escalate fairly slowly. I will however try to have some physical contact where possible such as holding hands. Anything I could be doing better here?

[angel.eyes]

Overall, it all sounds fine. Personally, I don't think coffee dates are a great way to build a connection, but others see it as expedient.

 

As for your main concern, there are no guarantees in dating. The whole purpose is to figure out whether two people are compatible. Most of the time, the answer will be no. They aren't a good fit. Every so often, we get lucky and find a match.