angel.eyes Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 (edited) Each situation is different. I have been separated for about 5 years now and am seeing somebody else. My stbxh refuses to even talk about divorce. I will have to pay for it myself if I want it. Not everyone can be lumped in the same basket. I don't mean to call you out, but you've been "seeing" a married man for several years. If you were truly open and emotionally available for a full relationship during your separation, would an affair be your first preference in dating? OP, you can always find a group of people who will date someone in a particular situation. There are people who will date drug addicts, convicted murderers, and abusive men. Does it mean I should too? Or that you should? Sure, those who you determine aren't good candidates for you will argue that they deserve a romantic partner too. And they'll find them. But you need to figure out your own standards and your own deal breakers. You need to decide who makes sense for you. Edited July 19, 2015 by angel.eyes 1
introverted1 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 OP, you can always find a group of people who will date someone in a particular situation. There are people who will date drug addicts, convicted murderers, and abusive men. Does it mean I should too? Or that you should? Sure, those who you determine aren't good candidates for you will argue that they deserve a romantic partner too. And they'll find them. But you need to figure out your own standards and your own deal breakers. You need to decide who makes sense for you. People who cannot discern the difference between a convicted murderer and a separated person probably should not date at all. Beyond that, of course everyone should establish their own deal-breakers. But I think it is far more helpful to apply critical thinking than absolutes when assessing someone's datability.
central Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 When I separated from my ex, I had no difficulty dating. Sure, there were some women who chose not to even look at the situation. That's fine - if they were so narrow-minded then they were not good matches anyway. Their loss. It's not cheating, either - my ex knew we were separated for purposes of divorce, that I was dating, and she was also dating. So, I dated many women, and eventually met someone truly compatible. She wasn't judgmental and close minded - but did check out my circumstances and knew the facts. As soon as my divorce was final, we got married. We have one of the best relationships of anyone we've ever known - so consider what you may be passing up when you follow a blind rule. 2
Author Dreamworld Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 Thanks all for the diverse thoughts. So a separated man who has been on his own for a year, wants a divorce but wife does not want one, so he is considering looking into filing, has two children from the marriage, dont think wife knows he wants to date someone= NOT a great prospect even with the nicest of considerations. And the kids? Yikes. Oh dont worry. I am not the one going there. Being an OW to a very married man in my not proud past was enough for me thank you. Just was wondering if separated changed things around a bit, but I guess it really does depend on the circumstances. 1
angel.eyes Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 People who cannot discern the difference between a convicted murderer and a separated person probably should not date at all. Beyond that, of course everyone should establish their own deal-breakers. But I think it is far more helpful to apply critical thinking than absolutes when assessing someone's datability. Wha...what?!?!? You mean, they aren't the same thing? Is being separated worse then? I'm sure you know what I meant when I brought up more black-and-white examples in my response. And yes, even murderers on death-row meet, date, and marry women while in jail. One could argue that those women used critical thinking and the rest of us should have our knuckles rapped for thinking in absolutes. Bottom line: Everyone has different deal breakers. The OP has to decide what hers are. 1
angel.eyes Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Just was wondering if separated changed things around a bit, but I guess it really does depend on the circumstances. As your thread shows, for some yes. For others, no. Being separated would be a deal breaker. 2
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