manders_01 Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 How many chances are too many? Is there such a thing as too many? Is there a magic number that people should stick with to mantain there self respect? Are there truly valid reasons for giving someone another chance when it's chance number 3 - 8 - 37? When do you seperate how much you like/love someone from how deserving they are for another chance? A girlfriend and I were dicussing and wanted a few more opinions - thoughts - etc.
Illusion24 Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 I believe in 2nd chances but I also believe it's never the same after the first time, unless you truly truly love that person. After so much pain and suffering you go through theirs only so much you can take...But it's up to the person whether enough is enough...
WithOrWithoutYou Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 Originally posted by manders_01 How many chances are too many? Depends on the relationship. Generally, under normal circumstances, I think 3 is too many. Anyone can screw up once, but twice is a pattern, and a sign of things to come. Is there such a thing as too many? Yes. Is there a magic number that people should stick with to mantain there self respect? No, since every relationship is different. I think everyone deserves a second chance, unless what they did was really horrible. The number of chances at which you lose self respect is hard to arrive at, since after about chance number 2, I think you lose a little more of it every time. The question is at what number does the joy from your relationship become outweighed by that loss of self-respect, and/or at what point do you really know, somewhere deep inside, that it is not going anywhere, and that you are being jerked around. If you ever become aware of that, it is time to end it. I can just about guarantee the number is lower than 37 - much lower. Are there truly valid reasons for giving someone another chance when it's chance number 3 - 8 - 37? Well, without knowing what the valid reasons might be, this is a difficult question to answer, but generally, I'll go with: 3, yes, there can absolutely be valid reasons for giving someone a third chance. 8 is too many. I can see 3 or even 4 with highly unusual circumstances if you are an extremely forgiving person, and you are deeply in love, but 8? Doubtful. 37, No, absolutely not. When do you seperate how much you like/love someone from how deserving they are for another chance? When hearing from someone only causes you pain, you stop extending chances. When you feel it in the pit of your stomach, knowing (not just thinking, or suspecting, but knowing) that what they are saying is not real as much as you want to believe it, you have given them too many chances, and it is time to move on. At that point, they need to show you actions, for you to realize that it is not just a game. If they can show you actions rather than words, that is where those extra chances requiring the higly unusual circumstnaces come in.
jade_nc Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 another thing to consider is how often those 3 - 8 - or 37 chances are being given. with my H the problem has mostly been with lying. i would say over the last 5 yrs that i'm probably well over the 37 chance. for me, i've chosen to take a step back now....even though it's been happening for a long time....because i'm having to do it more and more often. in the beginning it was once in awhile. it the last year it has gotten more progressive, to the point where giving another chance is a regular monthly, if not weekly and sometimes daily, occurence. we all have our limits. you have to define yours.
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