IronZ Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I'm sure some of you have read my stories. I've basically been on a string of bad dating experiences. I had just about had it with dating and it was kind of making me miserable not being able to meet anyone worthwhile or meeting someone and just not doing well with it. I thought that would change tonight and for all I know it might have. I met a girl last week. OLD type thing. We have been texting all week back and forth and really getting along well. She's complimented me on my looks. She's told me the way I act is cute and she has genuinely shown interest. Tonight I met her for drinks and drinks ended up being hours and hours of us really opening up and getting to know each other. I feel like we laughed all night. She was really very beautiful and I liked being with her. At the end of the date in my nervousness I kind of goofed up and half-heartedly went in for a kiss but it turned into a hug instead. She even said as I was going in "just a hug for now" but seemed very nice about it. Told me she enjoyed meeting me and that we will "hang out again soon." I put that last part in quotes because I don't know if she meant anything weird by that but in my post-date anxiety I tend to notice non-clues sometimes. Maybe it means something maybe it doesn't. After getting home she texted me that she had fun and so on and thanked me. I did the same. Now I'm sitting here probably overthinking things yet again. I feel like the date went really well, but I'm really regretting how that kiss situation played out. Does that mean anything? Or am I just making a big deal out of nothing and she intends to have it get romantic on another date? I think I really like this girl and I'm really praying/hoping/wishing that this works out. I hope I didn't blow it. Anxiety sucks man.. I think I'm just overthinking stuff but could use a second opinion.
joseb Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I think you are probably overthinking it. It sounds like the date went well. Going for a kiss and not getting it isn't great, but it's not the end of the world. Personally, I don't usually go for a kiss at the end of a date - if I feel the time is right, I do that earlier. And if not, then I just kiss on the cheek/hug at the end of the night. I find this less stressful and less forced. 2
yxalitis Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 A fumbled kiss/hug doesn't change how she feels about you. If she likes you, you'll go out again If she doesn't, it won't be that event which broke the camels' back. And, yeah, you need to chillax post date... 2
Author IronZ Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 I really do need to chillax lol. But yeah thanks guys. I guess a fumbled kiss isn't the end of the world. I just have this tendency to want everything to go perfectly smooth and if it doesn't it eats away at me. I know that if I had kissed her I would've gone home feeling on top of the world. But instead I'm getting anxious feelings over something that should be positive.
angel.eyes Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Not everyone wants to kiss on a first date. It sounds as if everything went well otherwise. Just ask her on another date, and take it from there. 1
Author IronZ Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 I guess you're right, first dates shouldn't always end in a kiss and maybe we just need to get more comfortable together before we move towards that. I will do just that. Have not spoken to her again yet but I do know she's busy today so not freaking out about that. At some point during the week I'll ask if she wants to do something next weekend and hopefully everything goes well.
babycakees Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I'd say you are overreacting. I know firsthand as a female, I will only text a guy when I get home from a first date if I am interested in the guy. If I'm not interested, I'll be hoping that he feels the same and there is no further contact. 1
Author IronZ Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 I'd say you are overreacting. I know firsthand as a female, I will only text a guy when I get home from a first date if I am interested in the guy. If I'm not interested, I'll be hoping that he feels the same and there is no further contact. Good point. I mean I do recall a date in the past where it went really well and the girl texted me after saying she had fun and hoped to see me again, and then I never heard from her again, but that's not really a situation that typically happens, is it? I hope you're right I think this thing working out could be exactly what I need.
babycakees Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Good point. I mean I do recall a date in the past where it went really well and the girl texted me after saying she had fun and hoped to see me again, and then I never heard from her again, but that's not really a situation that typically happens, is it? I hope you're right I think this thing working out could be exactly what I need. I personally would never tell a guy I hoped to see him again if I really didn't. I would not even text him and say I had a good time. I would be hoping he didn't initiate conversation about a 2nd date. Cause then you have to do the awkward "I'm just not feeling it" conversation that no one likes. 1
angel.eyes Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 She even said as I was going in "just a hug for now" but seemed very nice about it. In other words, expect the kiss in the future. So, she's expecting to see you again. That's a good sign. Told me she enjoyed meeting me and that we will "hang out again soon." Again, she hopes to see you again. Good! After getting home she texted me that she had fun and so on and thanked me. She's trying to keep the lines of communication open. More positives! Try to build off the momentum of your first date rather than letting things die off. Early in the process, it can be very hard to recover enthusiasm when it starts fading because any connection is still very tenuous. With OLD, she's also most likely talking to other guys at this early stage in the game. You want to stay at the center of her radar. Contact her sooner rather than later to set up a second date...tomorrow or Monday. Then contact her at least one more time before your second date. Temper the frequency with which you reach out to her level of enthusiasm in the interaction. That will help you find the right balance. Communicating between dates keeps interest alive...at least for me it does. It also conveys that you're interested and you're self-confident enough to pursue what you want. That's super attractive and will set you apart from some of the other guys trying to talk to her. Finally relax. It will either work out or it won't. All you can do is try your best, which you are. 1
angel.eyes Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I personally would never tell a guy I hoped to see him again if I really didn't. I would not even text him and say I had a good time. I would be hoping he didn't initiate conversation about a 2nd date. Cause then you have to do the awkward "I'm just not feeling it" conversation that no one likes. Agreed. I would thank him for a great time at the end of the date, and wish him well in his search . (I would also insist on paying for my half of the date...but that's another thread!) 1
Author IronZ Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 In other words, expect the kiss in the future. So, she's expecting to see you again. That's a good sign. Again, she hopes to see you again. Good! She's trying to keep the lines of communication open. More positives! Try to build off the momentum of your first date rather than letting things die off. Early in the process, it can be very hard to recover enthusiasm when it starts fading because any connection is still very tenuous. With OLD, she's also most likely talking to other guys at this early stage in the game. You want to stay at the center of her radar. Contact her sooner rather than later to set up a second date...tomorrow or Monday. Then contact her at least one more time before your second date. Temper the frequency with which you reach out to her level of enthusiasm in the interaction. That will help you find the right balance. Communicating between dates keeps interest alive...at least for me it does. It also conveys that you're interested and you're self-confident enough to pursue what you want. That's super attractive and will set you apart from some of the other guys trying to talk to her. Finally relax. It will either work out or it won't. All you can do is try your best, which you are. Definitely trying to relax. I think a lot of this is due to anxiety issues, which I at least am aware about so that helps in managing it. When I think back on all the details I can come to the same conclusion as you, I just need validation sometimes because I have been burned way too often and I really do want to make this work. Today she has been MIA but I know she's busy so I'm trying to stay cool about it. Will see if I can set something up in the next couple days.
Author IronZ Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 Agreed. I would thank him for a great time at the end of the date, and wish him well in his search . (I would also insist on paying for my half of the date...but that's another thread!) I paid for the date and she thanked me for it lol. She did thank me for the date at the end but no wishing me well so I think I'm still in business.
babycakees Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I paid for the date and she thanked me for it lol. She did thank me for the date at the end but no wishing me well so I think I'm still in business. Just relax... I think she's definitely interested. Good luck 1
angel.eyes Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I paid for the date and she thanked me for it lol. She did thank me for the date at the end but no wishing me well so I think I'm still in business. Ha ha! It's all good! Definitely trying to relax. I think a lot of this is due to anxiety issues, which I at least am aware about so that helps in managing it. When I think back on all the details I can come to the same conclusion as you, I just need validation sometimes because I have been burned way too often and I really do want to make this work. We all have different temperaments. I guess you're naturally a little anxious, so it's harder to relax and not worry. One other piece of advice: Try not to have expectations of early dates. For me, I go on the date just to have fun and learn a little about the other person. Nothing more. I'm not expecting a second date, no matter how well we seem to click or how much he seems to enjoy the date and interacting with me. So when I'm asked (and I pretty much always am), it's a nice surprise. That's better than assuming I'm getting a second date and then being disappointed. You want to engage and invest in getting to know the other person, but you don't want to take it personally if they lose interest in the first several dates. It's not about you as a person at that point. It's about "fit" and a connection initially. Most of the time we won't be a good match with someone we randomly meet...or they meet someone else who is a better fit in the same timeframe. Limiting how invested you are emotionally in the outcome in the early stages may help you feel less "burned" when someone declines date #2. Please let us know how things go! 2
Author IronZ Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 Thanks I'll definitely update on this once I get another conversation going with her.
Author IronZ Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 I'm really starting to feel worried now. I didn't hear from her at all yesterday, but I sort of expected that since she was busy. I thought hey maybe she didn't have her phone or couldn't get around to texting me back. But now it's another day and I still haven't heard from her. I logged into the OLD site and I saw that she's online right now. This is just killing me now. I am so confused. Should I say something to her?
babycakees Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 I'm really starting to feel worried now. I didn't hear from her at all yesterday, but I sort of expected that since she was busy. I thought hey maybe she didn't have her phone or couldn't get around to texting me back. But now it's another day and I still haven't heard from her. I logged into the OLD site and I saw that she's online right now. This is just killing me now. I am so confused. Should I say something to her? You need to set up another date if you want to see her again. It does sound like she is keeping her options open. You might want to consider doing the same.
Author IronZ Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 You need to set up another date if you want to see her again. It does sound like she is keeping her options open. You might want to consider doing the same. Set up another date with her? That's the thing, I haven't heard from her at all. She hasn't texted me back. I'm being left hanging. I would gladly set up a date if she would talk to me.
Author IronZ Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 Ugh I feel even more awful now. I caved and texted her. I tried to keep it light and just said something stupid like hey what's up but now she hasn't replied yet again and I feel like I just flung myself over the edge without a safety net. This is excruciating. I wish she would just say something, anything. If she doesn't want to go out then she could just tell me that. I don't get it.. Ugh!
babycakees Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Ugh I feel even more awful now. I caved and texted her. I tried to keep it light and just said something stupid like hey what's up but now she hasn't replied yet again and I feel like I just flung myself over the edge without a safety net. This is excruciating. I wish she would just say something, anything. If she doesn't want to go out then she could just tell me that. I don't get it.. Ugh! Don't text her again. I'm sorry, OP
Author IronZ Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 Is it worth asking her what's going on with us? I mean it's really heartbreaking and disappointing to lose such a promising thing but this uncertainty and limbo is so painful. If I could at least get some closure that would be something. I don't get it. What did I do wrong?
katiegrl Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 **Ugh I feel even more awful now. I caved and texted her** . I tried to keep it light and just said something stupid like hey what's up but now she hasn't replied yet again and I feel like I just flung myself over the edge without a safety net. This is excruciating. I wish she would just say something, anything. If she doesn't want to go out then she could just tell me that. I don't get it.. Ugh! That is precisely why after ONE DATE ..... you text a chick once, you WAIT for her to text you back....if she doesn't, then she is not interested (obviously) and you move on. Especially if you see her on-line! She's not too busy to be on-line, but too busy to text you back? Really? I don't think so! I don't know who advised you to text her AGAIN, but you took that bad advice and now look how you feel. Awful, WORSE than you did before you sent the second text! Next time, text her once and WAIT. If no text back, try to shrug it off and just move on. Also, try and keep things in perspective...... you had ONE date. Try not to get too emotionally wrapped up after only one date. Manage your emotions..... lower expectations ....dating is tough, requires a thick skin, especially OLD. Sorry this one did not work out. Next. Good luck!
katiegrl Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Is it worth asking her what's going on with us? I mean it's really heartbreaking and disappointing to lose such a promising thing but this uncertainty and limbo is so painful. If I could at least get some closure that would be something. I don't get it. What did I do wrong? No!!! Closure for what? You did not have anything with her to close! You had ONE date....a first meet. You thought it was amazing, SHE did not. It happens. You move on. If you ask her what's going on, trust me she will think you are nuts. You did not do anything wrong.....she just wasn't feeling it. 1
Author IronZ Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 I guess that's my answer then. Time to move on. Sigh. This is starting to feel so hopeless. Meet a girl online, find out we're like perfect pieces of a puzzle that fit together, go on amazing date, then get shut down. What am I doing wrong? It's not like I'm ugly. I'm in pretty good shape (I work out), I'm funny, gentlemanly, nice, caring, laid back. I've met some girls online that quite frankly weren't all that special and I've had bad experiences with them. Is it me?
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