How to get out of this sticky situation?

[mavendark]

I am planning to break up with my bf of 3 years, we live together and have 2 dogs together, hence the sticky situation. Here's some background: I've started to consider a lot about our long term future and it seems like this guy is just very short-sighted (pleasure now, work later type attitude, major major major procrastinator). In addition to a plethora of bad habits that he is not interested in fixing, he has a lot of responsibility problems (aka, talks the talk and rarely walks the walk) and I cannot imagine living a future life with him as his wife. I am just so ashamed at myself that it took me 3 years to realize this. But at the same time, if I hadn't moved in with him and gotten dogs, I might've just ended up marrying him and not found everything out until our first child. It took our dogs to really bring to light his responsibility problems (er, lack of responsibility). However, the real catalyst that made me feel the NEED to break up with him was a couple of months ago when I spoke to him calmly about his responsibility problems/chores/keeping his word, etc. And he just told me straight up "I'm probably not the guy for you then." So yeah, clearly he doesn't love me that much. He's 31 years old, and I'm 26, fyi.

 

So here's what I need advice on... I have no idea how to make this break up as clean and smooth as possible considering we live together. I live in the Bay Area and housing prices are ridiculously expensive, we split the rent right now and its about $1000 per person. If I have to move out by myself and take one of the dogs with me, my rent will skyrocket to about $1800-$2200 per month. My job is a bit unstable especially now (startup), and so I'm thinking of quitting my job because I just need to make more money (I am grossly underpaid for what I'm doing) and I don't see this company having a future (might go down soon). I can't just find a new apartment and move out right now because I won't be staying at my job for long and I don't know where my new job will be. My parents live in LA and I'm considering just up and moving back to LA and back into my parents' place, but my job is still here in Northern California. So if I up and move to LA I'd be jobless and it's really tough to find a new job when I'm jobless.

 

The few friends I've spoken to advised me to either hold off on breaking up with him, or break up with him and still cohabit the same apartment and find a new job first. With a new job, I'll be able to have a bit more money and move out, whether it is around the area or back to LA. But I'm not sure how I feel about that option. It's getting really bad and awkward in the household, we don't really touch each other, and I'm just very stressed to be in the same house as he is (he is a slob, aka lack of responsibility, and I feel like I'm constantly cleaning up after him). Another option is to move to LA and talk to my boss to see if she'll let me work remotely in LA for a while (slim option).

 

Before I talk to my boss or break up with my bf, do any of you have any other advice on how to get out of this sticky situation? Please be nice...

[aloneinaz]

Wow.. that is a sticky one. If you can emotionally handle living w/him after ending the romantic situation, then you should do that sooner than later. The only concern will be how maturely he'll handle you ending it. If there's a chance he'll be a jerk, you may reconsider the timing.

 

 

I was married w/two kids in a bad marriage. After the now-ex wife threw something at me, I called her the next day and told her I wanted a divorce and was done with the marriage. I stayed in the house for two more months in a separate bedroom. It was easier than I thought it would be. I then moved out when the house I purchased closed.

 

 

At the end of the day, I'm GRATEFUL that I pulled the plug on that horrible marriage. I felt immediate relief after telling her I was done. I had hope for a better future which I've had.